It's too late, right?

Haven't read the whole thread so don't know if anyone has already told you this, but men start producing lower quality sperm once they hit 29, and the rise in miscarriage, autism, stillbirths and disabilities in babies is due to older fathers, not older mothers. All this information has been available for years, but for some reason men are never told any of it, instead women are blamed for everything baby related. So if you do decide to go for kids, make sure he has his sperm tested beforehand as it could help you on your journey to parenthood.

It’s not too late, I just had a surprise’ child at 42. All went very smoothly. Just be mindful that it can be challenging to fall pregnant, and miscarriages are more common the older you are but it’s worth a try if you’re both on board.

Average life expectancy for men in the UK is 78.2 years :). If your DH is in good health and fit, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on his age, specially if he'll be a great hands on father.

You are still young to become pregnant. However, it's more difficult to get pregnant after 37 with a first child, than if it was your 2nd or 3d.

You have no issues with money and likely to live another 40 years. I'll go ahead trying as often as we could, if DH was behind me all the way. You'll have fun trying.😁

You have wanted a baby for a very short time whilst being OK not to have one for 15 years. I know time is not on your side, but maybe sit with the decision for a few months.

I say this because although everyone's experience is different, we can all agree having a baby is a huge life changing event. Your life is not your own essentially for the next 18 years as another person will always come first. You may not be able to live the same lifestyle or have the same hobbies. Your relationship with DP might change, especially as you may have to take on the bigger burden of childcare if his health fails sooner than expected. Is he also prepared to stay at home and change lots of nappies and spend hours trying to get the baby back to sleep, rather than be out and about rock climbing? Will you both be willing to ferry your child to different activities as well as doing the school run in your 50s and 60s?

Having a baby is wonderful, but be prepared to fully commit to this monumental task of rearing a child before you try for a kid.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

It’s not too late to try at all. But to play devils advocate against this avalanche of go for it messages you’re getting - it probably is just hormones if you haven’t wanted a child until now. It’s a bit sacrilegious to point it out on a parenting site, but research shows that people who choose not to have children tend to be happier and report greater life satisfaction than people who have children. It’s next to impossible to regret having children once they’re here - you will love them - but that doesn’t mean you won’t have a better life without them.

If you’re very fit and healthy, the age-related issues are less of a concern, including genetic/hereditary conditions. They also have excellent screening nowadays.

why not give it a go, as long as you’re both on the same page about what you would do if you received a difficult pre-natal diagnosis, and what time limit you’d stop, or how far you would go with any fertility intervention.

Not impossible. But it is going to be a high-risk pregnancy whether you like it or not (as you're older than 35).
The fact he is so old does not help either. Do you realise that by the time your child goes to uni your partner will be approaching 70 ?
I'd give it a miss.

Not RTFT, and I absolutely get the 'freight train' feeling. I was 39 when I had DC2, DP 49.

Now I feel very conscious of the unpredictability of life-expectancy, and tend to think not so much in terms of whether it's too late for a woman to conceive and birth a baby, but at what age a child might have to go through losing first one parent, then the other. My choice to have my DC in my late 30s means that they'll be lucky if they make it to 40 before I die, maybe 30 before DP dies, and in a worst case scenario, might have years of worrying about our health and caring for one or both of us (I'm making provision for my old age, obviously, but I can tell by the kind of people they are growing up to be that they'll be wanting to offer support). We could die sooner, of course, and having lost parents relatively young, it's something I regret having saddled my DC with.

DP was, at the time of conception, incredibly fit -very health conscious and enjoying a vigorous exercise regimen most days of the week. He still is, but is also experiencing age-related wear and tear, a general tapering off in energy and vigour, and health issues which we'd hoped his lifestyle might have shielded him from. You just can't tell what's around the corner.

my mum was 23 when she had me. back in the 80s, girls were almost never diagnosed. but I was saying complex dinosaur names before I was a year old (spot my first special interest, eh?) and everyone thought I was weird. now people understand the different ways autism prevents, it's OBVIOUS that I am. and my mum has been realising she probably is too. things like strong food aversions, only being able to use matching knives and forks, and there being only one very specific spoon she is comfortable using to eat yoghurt (there are others that are exactly the same shape and feel, but it's this one with a little engraved donkey she's had since she left home, and the ones that are the same shape and feel are't okay for yoghurt)

Only anecdotal of course but my DH was such a child if you like. His father was 60 when he was born, but in good health and lived to 96. DH did worry about how long he would have with him when he was early 20s in a way others didn't, but otherwise did not have a negative impact on him at all.

Our DC3 has SN and was born when DH and I were aged 30 and 33. DC4 has no SN and we were 38 and 41.

Of course, the higher risk of geriatric pregnancy (that’s what it was called when I was 38!) should be considered but don’t be scared off just by that. You both sound fit (fit people age slower) and there’s no reason that can’t continue to be so over the next 20 odd years. Your financial circumstances probably mean you can buy in a lot of help and have less stressors than younger parents. Probably be around for them more as teens as well if you retire early.

I’d go for it OP. Good luck.

it's not too late, but you should think very carefully about it. hormones are weird, and it's not uncommon for people to experience baby fever when the eggs are running out. it's like the body makes a last ditch attempt.
so the urge may not be entirely rational.

but it's still possible, although, higher risk.
if it wasn't, they wouldn't have finally referred me to get my tubes tied at the age of 44.

I think that data also refers to births rather than fertility. While births can be an indicator of fertility, it doesn’t account for people choosing not to have kids later in life.

I was 42 and dh 58 when we had ds3 (9 years after ds2). I’m glad he’s got to 18 with both his parents relatively fit and well. My ddad died at 52, when I was 21 and my sister 18, so I was always aware their is a risk. With dh being older, he was semi-retired and probably spent more quality time with ds3 than the others.

It sounds as if both you and your dh are very fit and have interesting hobbies to share with your dc. If you both want a child then I would go for it. It’s likely not too late.

ONS. I linked the data upthread.

It's good to read that pp know people with autism living independently.

My friend's child - mid thirties - will never be able to live independently, not able to work, even afraid to go to the supermarket on his own.

As a single mother she rightly is worried about him after she's gone.

If you look at the recent "oldest woman to naturally conceive" thread there's some good research linked that shows the average woman will be infertile by age 41.

Of course that's average - so lots will be infertile younger, lots will still be able to conceive after 41. So babies 40+ aren't super common - but they are possible if you're lucky and have above average fertility

I'm not so sure of that. You can get a NIPT blood test at 10 weeks now which screens for genetic and chromosomal abnormalities. Look it up. 10 weeks is very early.

Your opinion is quite judgey though. How is it not fair on the child? Give me your life circumstances and I'll tell you why your choices aren't fair on your child.

In all honesty I am not even sure why you are questioning this. If you weren't meant to have a baby at 40 you wouldn't be ovulating with the ability to reproduce. Your DH sounds very fit & healthy. I would go for it while still remembering people here are sharing thoughts from their own perspective if it was them in the situation.Nobody else can tell you what to do. All the best whatever you decide.

I have two friends and a cousin who had their first babies in their early 40s, one only had one and the other two had two, though my cousin had two miscarriages between her girls. All healthy and happy. I had my 3rd at 37 and it is more tiring than when I was 25 and I had a terrible pregnancy with undiagnosed gestational diabetes and pre eclampsia which has led to him having a developmental delay and possible brain damage due to birth trauma. My other two are very bright easy boys so this was AA shock and could be put down in part to parental age. So that's two sides again I guess, sorry.

What are you talking about? I know so many women who have had babies at 40+. Many had good pregnancies. Where have you got your information from?

@TrackDay
I had mine at 36 and 38.5. My DH was almost 50 at last pregnancy (both IVF)
We had no parents as both sets deceased and we are both only children so absolutely no help around whatsoever. DH worked 70 hour weeks (went back to work the day after I came home with second DC after a c section)

All I can tell you is that you you cope, you just do! My DC came everywhere with me, doctors, dentist, hairdressers. Some of my friends couldn’t even go food shopping without dropping their DC’s off at mum’s.

Its honestly never bothered my DC that dad’s older. No one can know what the future holds.

It’s not too late… yet.
don’t leave it a minute longer and if it doesn’t work in 2-3 months, go for IVF.

I wanted a third at 40 and didn’t act, went to a fertility clinic at 45, and the doctor said, I wish you’d come to me at 41.

OP, is it the time of year? All the social media photos, adverts, local news TV shows etc showing children visiting Father Christmas? Happy family Christmas mornings? Children singing carols in their nativities at school while proud parents look on? I mean, the concept of families with children is shoved down your throat at Christmas time. It must be a very sad time for those who have desperately wanted children but who remain without.

Not only that but it's the end of the year. A time for reflection on what you did with your life this year. Wondering what will have changed this time next year? Will things be much the same, or vastly different? It's a time for reflection and regrets, and thanks, or sorrow, for what the year did or didn't give you.

I do understand the yearning. And I do think Mother Nature does these last hurrah things for a reason, and of course that's to try and get "one last baby" out of you (even if contraception has blocked all the previous chances of them). Of course it will pass. But it IS there for that reason.

Ultimately, I dont' know what I'd do in your position. Despite knowing all the pros and cons and likelihood or not of things, both good and bad, happening. How can anyone know what the right decision is about big life decisions? It's all a leap of faith into the great unknown, isn't it?