It's too late, right?

Unless you have been through menopause it is not too late. Tonnes of women have kids in their 40s.

I had similar feelings at 40 but was not in a position to act on them so just ignored them. I would not say they “died down” per se but I worked on ignoring them.

It has absolutely nothing to do with how he looks & OP states he is very fit. My DH collected our 5 year old Grandchild from school & one of the parents thought he was the father. It works both ways if you are fit & look after yourself. We were fairly young having our first but most of my sons uni friends parents were in their 50s & 60s.

You're not alone in feeling this way hormones can stir up powerful emotions. It’s natural to reflect on life paths and wonder about “what ifs.” Take your time to sit with these feelings, maybe talk them through with your DH. There’s no right or wrong answer, just what feels right for you both. 💛

I felt the same. No kids due to health issues that resolved when I was 39-40 and then I was hit by hormones.

We tried for a baby, had no luck, had fertility investigations with really poor results and decided to stop trying.

I’m now in my mid-40s and really ok that it didn’t happen for us, but also glad we gave it a try.

I was a grandparent carer at 40. I didnt, from an age perspective, find it particularly hard. When the boys went to primary school I would say I was in the same age range as 50% of the mums but quite a middle class area.

My own parents adopted in their forties so a big life change for them after 20 years of marriage.

That said, I had a late pregnancy myself and did lose the baby. Although I may get told I am being negative, I think stats show a higher risk. But there are always risks arent there.

If it is what you both want go for it. But be prepared for a huge life change,sleep deprivation but big rewards too.

Absolutely not too old. Plenty of people have healthy pregnancies and babies in their late 30’s to mid-40’s.

Age is often in the mind too. Some people are just old, frail and negative regardless of age.

My advice is to roll the dice, try for a baby and if it happens, outsource household chores (cleaning, ironing, gardening) to someone else and enjoy your little one.

Also consider going private for maternity care. I had both of mine in the private wing of a London hospital (planned csections). Outstanding experience. A 90 min journey way, but appointments fitted around my schedule, rather than someone else’s.

Yes. I am pretty healthy. Don't rock climb but hike and walk some 20 k daily.
Nevertheless, menopause has had an impact. Though of course not a dealbreaker, as you said

Something else just to point out as a consideration because I don't think I've seen it, is going through menopause whilst still actively parenting. Not a deal breaker, but if I was making a list I would add it.

Yes but anecdotes arent that useful. ( Am also guilty of using one!) The hard data cited by a pp upthread about the risk of death and disease post 70 has got lost in the flood of anecdotes about fun older dads.
This " oh you could be hit by a bus at 30' is just silly given the data shows very few people hit by a bus.

I am a child of older parents so for me it hasn’t been a big deal or indeed I don’t know any different. When I was 15 my mum was 56 and my dad was in his 60s. They were fit healthy and fun to be around.

Do it - it could be now or never! My pal had a baby at 43 and is very happy.

Just be prepared to be called a geriatric, pregnancy over the age of 35 is classed as a geriatric pregnancy

Coming back to this thread, I always find it quite odd that on a parenting forum with an entire sub forum on how tough teens are, people rush to say " Go ahead! Men in their 70s can parent teens just fine!".
Can they? DH is 55 and cannot wait till retirement in a few years. Realistically OP will only have a baby when her DH is 54, even assuming she starts now. So her DP will be 72 by the time the child goes to uni. And I might also caution, kids stay at home longer. My two adult DC live at home as rents too high.

They are hardly going to be quiet, self contained and completely independent though are they?
Even just driving them to hobbies etc was and still is a big commitment.

40 isn’t too late imo - lots of women have children in their 40s. Your fertility may or may not be as good as in your 20s or 30s but it’s certainly far from a physical impossibility. Your risk of certain conditions like Downs Syndrome are higher, but the risk is still low overall.

Your husband’s age is a little more of a concern - what is his health like, how are his energy levels? Is he the type who will make a decent job of parenting a teenager when he’s in his sixties?

If your husband is also keen, you aren’t concerned about his health, and you have the financial resources, I don’t think you should automatically rule yourselves out on the basis of age.

OP's kids might not be like that, though. Not all teens are.

I think people are talking about pregnancy because OP said her hormones are going wild, which spells broodiness/pregnancy to most people.

Adoption is an amazing way to become a parent too, tho. And some people find a lot of fulfilment in fostering.

Exactly this.
It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of having a 'baby', the trouble is they are only babies for a very short period of time.
I am 41, my eldest is 18 and my youngest is 14, both are great kids however the eldest is at that age where he miraculously knows absolutely everything about everything and the youngest deserves an Oscar for her dramatic performances, you would think she was living in the plot of one of the soaps to hear her talk rather than the perfectly mundane life she actually leads!
My point is whilst they don't need the physical parenting that they needed when they were little mentally they can be exhausting, mine are NT and no trouble at all, even with age on my side I am shattered.
Your husband would be 70 (assuming you conceive immediately) when the child reaches the 'I know everything' phase.......I know I wouldn't want to be dealing with that at that stage of my life.

People self-diagnosing with autism is a curse.

It’s a disability, not an assortment of eccentric personality traits.

I say this as someone formally diagnosed in 2007.

OP even thought there's a higher risk of SEN than if you and DP were 20 years younger, overall risk of SEN is still low !

NO IT'S NOT TOO LATE !!!!

MY GREAT GRAN HAD 5 KIDS AFTER 40! 😭

If dad's happy to be doing school runs and taking kids to football on a Saturday morning instead of retiring or holidaying because he's in his 60s then go for it. Not what most people want at that age but that's your life to make what you want of it x

I do agree that your DH’s age would be (in my opinion) more of an issue than your age due to the higher risk of autism/SEN and other issues.
we are also older parents and I found myself struggling with deciding who’d be a good guardian shall something happen to both of us as the people I trust are same/ older age so statistically speaking, they may also not be around for long enough (I.e. until my kid is of age)

Ignore all the ageist comments, you should go for it. You're clearly fitter and healthier than most people in their twenties and thirties.

As far as risk goes, while the relative risk of complications is higher than if you are in your twenties, the absolute risk is still very low and your excellent health moves the needle significantly in your favour.

I felt the same mid 30s. Sadly we had a miscarriage first and then had DC when I was 40. Similar to you OP, no family (or friends) help. It is very beautiful to be a family unit, however there is a daily grind to having a kid that isn’t so fun all the time especially with no help (we have daycare but no family or friends dropping by outside of this). The saying, everything changes, is true!

All the best in whatever decision you make ❤️