It's too late, right?

My friend had a pensioner dad. Ex paratrooper, saw action in Suez, once nutted an 20 odd year old oik in a pub who was getting lairy. He was in his late 60's. He was a legend.

Please explain how? You don’t add the percentages together, it’s the same chance on each throw of the dice, so pleAse remind me why the chance is greater the more times you do it?

(i did probability in 3rd year, over thirty years ago!)

For me, the biggest concern would be how long you and your DH would be around for your child. My dad was 47 when I was born and died of cancer when I was 21. I was effectively orphaned and it's been really hard to say the least. People often say on these threads 'well you could have a child at 30 and get knocked down by a bus at 40', but the older you get the more likely you are to die.

At 40 I don't think this is so much of an issue, but 53 is quite different. Sorry to sound macabre but in terms of life expectancy, statistically speaking, your DH would have about a 65% chance of seeing your child's 27th birthday and a 50% chance of seeing their 30th (assuming you conceived straight away).

Hopefully you'd both live to ripe old ages of course, just offering my 2p from the perspective of someone who lost their parent young.

No idea how the maths stacks up but apparently 44% of 40 year olds will be pregnant within a year of trying. That's based on the figure of 5% average chances per cycle.

I can't wrap my head around the maths in that but apparently those are the correct figures 😂

Haha! This made me laugh.

My friend is 57 and has a 14 year old son with severe disabilities. It's so hard. Especially now he and his ex have split. I know he loves him but he doesn't seem young. Can't imagine him being 66 and coping.

52 is too old imho

I read very recently "you only regret the children you didn't have". This really struck a chord with me...I don't regret either of my kids but I regret not having a third. Maybe just something to sit with.

I don't think the percentages are accumulative. Each time, you start from the same baseline. So the chances will always be 5% on each try.

Yes, exactly. 5% on each try. So a more than 5% chance overall if you keep trying for a year or more.

Some people born to young parents don’t get a pensioner parent. There’s lots of 30/40-something parents that die.

Finances can change in a heartbeat.

Also, often it's not the struggle with DC that I have noticed with older parents, but with their own parents. As they are often in a position where they need help or even care to stay in the home. There are Dr appointments and nurses visits, medication reviews and care assessments as things change with processing illness and frailty.

Just to put that 5% into context - at age 35 there's only 15% chance of conceiving per cycle, so 5% is not as low as it sounds initially. There is obviously some drop-off in fertility but it's not quite as dramatic as that stat sounds.

I believe the stats suggest there's a 44% chance of getting pregnant within a year. Again, the stats haven't dropped wildly different compared to younger women - at age 30 there's a 63% chance and at age 35 there's a 52% chance. So a 44% chance at age 40 isn't too bad really.

Lots of women have children in their mid-30s so really, you're only a few years behind. Admittedly your partner's age isn't ideal, not from a fertility perspective but from a mortality point of view. But you're still plenty young enough and an older but present father is way preferable to a younger, absent father (of which there are plenty!) so I don't think your child is getting a bad deal really. And I say that as someone who lost her dad when he was in his early 60s, so I know what it's like.

Is adopting an older child or fostering of any interest to you?
A newborn at 53 would mean a 63 year old dad at 10, potentially caring for a 73 year old and 60 year old at 20 if health problems arise with no sibling support. I'd consider carefully with DHs age.
Obviously health isn't a given at any age, but it's worse odds.

If you want to have a 15 year old when you are considering retirement, by all means. I can’t say I would fancy it myself. Assuming your husband remains in good health too.

What are these fertility tests everyone keeps mentioning as though they are some kind of sure fast way of telling you if you can get pregnant?

A word from the wise: they are not. Most infertility is unexplained. You can on paper have nothing "wrong" with either of you, but still never conceive.

It's a massive head fuck and I'd strongly advise not going down this road if you are happy as you are.

No, you're right. If the chance is 5% on each cycle, the chances are only ever 5%.

But 52 is still a relatively young father if fit and healthy.

Relative to what? Robert DeNiro?!

From what you have said it breaks down like this:

Pros: Stable, loving marriage. Ideal finances, home, and lifestyle to support a child into adulthood. Good health in both partners. Have thought through the long-term implications and still want a child.

Cons: health risks associated with older parents.

I would suggest you look into the health risks to make sure you have the whole picture; then make a fully informed decision.

FWIW in your shoes I would 100% go for it.

same happened to me at 40 (nearly 41) for me, it happened very quickly & I had my baby girl at just turned 42! No issues at at in pregnancy or birth! And I’m a massive mard arse but it was a doddle for me!

Go for it op 😆

Whats stopped you having kids over the last 10 years? Are the factors that made you think "nah, we're ok without kids" still there?

An element of this is hormones (the "last hurrah" is not unusual!) But that's as good a reason as any if you do actually want children. But if you maybe aren't fussed, how will you feel when the hormonal urge vanishes into perimenopause?

If each cycle is 5% it doesn’t increase with the number of cycles you try for. So if you have 13 cycles in a year it’s still 5%. I think! My maths days are long behind me. Happy to be corrected 😬

I cannot even with the " 52 is a relatively young father". In a universe where everybody else is Mick Jagger and Al Pacino maybe! Not in the real world.

You’re irresponsible because you’re basing your opinion on being the child of older parents. None of you egging this woman on will have deal with a high risk pregnancy, increased risk of birth defects or the 18 year old with a pensioner dad. It’s easy to blithely encourage someone to do something when you’ll never have to deal with the consequences.

I don't think the percentages are accumulative. Each time, you start from the same baseline. So the chances will always be 5% on each try.

A very good friend of mine married her longterm partner at 40 and post marriage had two children naturally. So no its not necessarily too late but everyone is different.

I had my youngest at 41. DP was 38.

But 52 is still a relatively young father if fit and healthy. A good friend of mine had his DC in his early 50s and brought him up as a lone father after his (late 30s) DP suddenly died. You never know when your number’s up.

At 41, I sailed through the pregnancy, very easy home birth post-Caesarian. Plenty of energy when they were a toddler and now teenager.

If it’s what you want, go for it.