To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

I think your post shows how much all of this "fitting in" is mostly in the heads of those who are very anxious to conform. I don't wear makeup and have never had it commented on, let alone been treated as odd for it. It's hardly rare among women.

I agree. Posts like this just whip up froth. My rule is, my daughter could have piercings as long as I don't have to sign a form or take care of the piercing, as I'm squeamish about it. My sister took my daughter to have her ears done when she was 15.

If people want to pierce their babies ears, they should do it, if not then don't. I don't understand the snobbery about it.

Shame on me? I haven't circumcised anyone, I have no idea what you think I should be ashamed about. I'm saying some cultures do things as normal, and other cultures do other things.

Whilst I agree to an extent and they aren’t to my taste.

On a cost basis, even if you are completely supporting your DD out of your own pocket how much is she spending on earrings?

If the child had them pierced 3/4 years ago and was presumably bought some pairs then, why are more being purchased now? she can only wear one pair at a time….

This

Why would you wish you'd put her through pain when she was even younger rather than wishing you had said no?

I agree but I'd go further that it's idiocy to pierce holes in an adult woman to hang decorations off her... or paint her in chemicals to hide her face (make up)... so much of what we do is idiocy... anything sounds weird if you phrase it like that.

Anything seems normal when everyone does it. Most women in the uk wear make up, while very few men do, and so logically as a concept it is a bit bonkers. But because everyone does it, you're the bonkers one if you point it out or refuse to wear it. (I refuse to wear it, it feels gross and just doesn't make sense to me. But I am considered odd.)

Similarly, imagine living in a country where all/most baby girls have their ears pierced. You'd be the bonkers one to point out it's strange.

Ditto circumcision, tattoos, etc etc etc.

At the end of the day, humans are social animals and we fit into society by doing what everyone else is doing. That's what op's dd is doing

My in laws pressured us to get DD's ears pierced at 6 months. Awful. She's now 8 and can have them done when she wants, she just doesn't seem to want.

I used to agree, but now having caved in and let my dd8 have her ears pierced, the drama we go through weekly
taking them in and out for PE/gymnastics/dance makes me wish I’d got them pierced much younger so that the holes are re-closing every time she has the earrings out for a day, causing her pain to put them back in!!

FFS!

Labia, clitoritises and foreskins cannot grow back and affect physical and sexual function. If she doesn't want her earrings in when she's older, she can take them out and they will close up and leave a tiny, unnoticeable dot. Then she can get them repierced if she decides she wants them after all.

Not comparable at all. Shame on you.

There’s nothing more funny than watching a Brit get all het up about a tradition abroad like getting a kid’s ears pierced. I grew up with this weird disapproval from Brit parents because my ears were pierced. My parents are Eastern European and mine were done at 6 weeks old.
You’re just gonna have to get over it. There’s bigger fish to fry in life.

Has dgd started school yet? As many (especially primary schools) don't allow earrings as part of the uniform - so that may well solve the issue without you saying anything. I totally agree with you but nothing you can do about it now, I'm sure anything you say would be met with eyerolls and ignored.

I hate it. Hurting small children unnecessarily is just plain cruel. It looks awful too.

Well it isn't unreasonable to realise it's absolute idiocy to pierce holes in a baby to hang decorations on her, but your primary concern is that it looks trashy, which doesn't reflect well on you.

so because you are helping her she should making parenting choices tat fit within your world view? I don't see how any of this is relevant to your granddaughters ear piercing, which is what you started the thread about...

It’s not something I would do personally but I try not to be too judgy about it because I do understand it’s often cultural. When your doctor is offering to do something and it seems like just ‘the done thing’, it must be much harder to question.

At least gold tends to be one of the better metals for not causing reactions.

I agree with you about consent and its not something I'd do to a child. But it's her mums decision and done now, so you have to learn to ignore it. A little girl of 3 can't look 'down market'. It's a tiny aspect of the thing about her that matters least - her appearance. Try not to let it be too big a deal.

I totally get where you are coming from but the ears have been pierced for years now. There is no point getting wound up about it. Let it go.

I don't like pierced ears on babies either but feel like your bigger issue is you're not happy with what your DD is spending money on when you're supporting her presumably post break up from partner from the other culture. I think it's fine to say DGD only needs one pair of earrings and stop wasting money on that when you could be saving for a mortgage/ rental deposit/ whatever she needs to be independent financially

@OhSoYouAreFancy Why are you supporting her?

If she needs money to live on, just send her less money - enough to cover for food and clothing.

I have to say, it is good that your granddaughter was given solid gold earrings as they're way less likely to irritate her ears than cheap crappy earrings. If her ears are going to be pierced, it's good that the chance for infection is as low as possible.

I know what you mean about consent and piercing a 3 year olds ears, but ultimately it's small and reversable so while your frustration is totally understandable, probably not worth being the hill you die on. Especially if it's a cultural thing - is your child's partner from that country? If so, might make the choice to follow the cultural traditions a bit more understandable.

In regard to judgement, your GC is probably fine. It's not like she's been given a tattoo in the middle of her face - earrings are discreet and many people have them, although admittedly it's more commonly adults.

Yes it looks awful but I think making a comment on how she has spent your money on this makes you sound overbearing and horrible. If you don't want to help your dd then don't but don't try to interfere because you help her!