To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

It looks awful and common on children under 10. They really don't need their ears pierced at this age. It's awkward for P.E etc

I took DD back home when she was about 1 and everyone just assumed she was a boy due to the lack of earrings.

They Also fussed about her lack of a hat but that's a whole other story.

The strangest aspect of this is that it's only girls

I have to say the use of the term ‘consent’ is one I don’t find myself agreeing with when it comes to piercing. The holes are tiny and heal. It’s not FGM. Most girls nag to get their ears pierced done. How many women who do have the ability to consent to ear piercing don’t consent and on what grounds? It’s hardly a violation if a parent puts earrings in. They can’t ask for it to be done but I don’t think I’d equate it with forcing something on a non-consenting person.

That says, I do think babies and toddlers are too little - no need to adorn them in any way - so I agree with you on that basis alone.

The only thing here that’s cheap, downmarket and trashy is your attitude.

@Anonym00se I can respect and understand your view. Same with the people that are against it because it is painful (even if the baby can't remember it). Totally fair enough.

The shallow "what will people say", it looks trashy/cheap/tacky/whatever (or more like working class , or even worse like travellers) is bullshit though. They don't even see the irony in not doing something because it looks "bad" (at x arbitrary age) is just as bad as doing it because it looks cute/pretty. The focus is still on looks and people's opinion.

@Wonderi she’s just gonna have to mhob. It’s not her dc.
I didn’t get my dds ears pierced through fear of the judgy English mums. I didn’t need to fear as I live in a multicultural town and I’d say about 70% of the girls had pierced ears and no one gave a crap 🤷🏻‍♀️

Drinking definitely.
Smoking in the street(especially as a woman).
Washing up in a bowl another one you got right. That's for poor people/without a water supply.
Dressing too casually. (especially in church,restaurants etc)
No curtains/lace curtains.

Not that I subscribe to those views. It's just arbitrary stuff.

I absolutely hate it.

I don’t care if it’s ‘cultural’, there a lot of things in my culture that I don’t do because they don’t align with my morals.

Culture is never an excuse and I hate that this is trotted out.

If you want to get it done, at least be honest and say it’s because you want to get it done because you think it looks nice etc, don’t just say I had to do it because of my culture because that’s BS.

I agree with you OP but it’s done and saying anything isn’t going to help.

This is an area where mc people don't seem to hesitate to be openly snobby about customs of wc people or those from other cultures.

I don't personally agree with piercing young children's ears, though I don't think it's a huge issue.

Your language about her looking cheap and trashy is gross, though, and if this is representative of who you are as person, then I dare say her relationship with you is more likely to be damaging than the piercings.

Haven't read all the replies sorry. I'm a grandmother and just giving my first impression to your post. Whether you like it or not, I don't think it's anything to do with you (sorry). My granddaughter is nearly 2 and I'm sure my dil would love her ears pierced. In fact I know they've discussed it because my son said no. Either way it has nothing to do with me. Their baby, their discussion, their decision.

I admit I don't like it and I don't think it should be done on a baby....but your situation is slightly different in that it's cultural. I had my ears pierced at a young age through a cultural reason. It was/is just the done thing. It's not your granddaughters fault and tbh your dd is/was just trying to fit into the culture in which she lives. It's not the end of the world. Yes preferable not to have it done at this age but not the end of the world. It's done now.

I agree with you on this.

i have a 3 year old who has only just turned 3 and we went away with family and she seen the little girl with ear pierced and started asking for them herself. I then didn’t immediately run to get them done and I think I am going to wait until she asks again. I wouldn’t put her through it without her consent and I don’t agree that it should even be allowed on babies. I don’t have them so she won’t. You’re not wrong @OhSoYouAreFancy

I feel sorry for the daughter here. She's obviously recently left a difficult situation, gone back to her mum's for support but her mum is actually a hugely judgemental cow.

Trying to redress the balance here...

I wonder what things we do in white British culture that might seem "trashy" to other cultures? Here are some guesses:

Hunting
Looking more "natural" than in some cultures = to more dressy cultures, we might look unkempt. See Boris and his mad hair!
Our lack of enthusiasm for talking to people we don't know = might read as bad manners
Drinking a lot
Low marriage rates
Eating black pudding
Washing up in a bowl
Not having the top-sheet arrangement on the bed, just duvet covers.

Just trying to turn things around and see what might make us look bad to other cultures. We must surely look trashy in some ways too.

That’s a spectacularly stupid comment. It’s likely there will be a few kids with pierced ears especially if they’re from European / Arab or Indian background. Equally it was the default year 3 (age 8) birthday present in my daughters prep school by year 6 there were only 1 or 2 girls who hadn’t had their ears pierced.

What matters more: your relationship with your daughter or the opinions of (judgmental) strangers?

DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
She needs to stop that. It would be different if it were her own money

Yes it absolutely looks awful and you are entitled to your opinion, but I’d avoid saying it.

You cannot be serious. Dramatic much ???

Agree.

I don't think piercing babies' ears is assault. By that logic, so are vaccinations. So is being forced down a very tight birth canal when you could come out by c-section. Ear piercings are tiny and reversible and the baby won't remember any pain like they would if done when older.

I had lobe piercings done at 49 and they took forever to heal, as did my mother's when she had them done in her forties. Babies heal very quickly because they're so young. They can always take the earrings our when older if they want.

I'm not advocating for everyone to start piercing their babies, I just think that if it's your cultural tradition, that's rather nice, seeing as the baby gets lots of gold, and gets to grow up without remembering it being done. We're only horrified by it because it's not the British way.

I make small talk about the weather but I don’t watch Wimbledon. We all pick and choose bits of the cultures around us, ‘culture’ isn’t a monolith.

Agreed! I too had mine done at a few weeks old as it's the norm in Spain. In fact years ago they used to pierce their ears in hospital a few days after being born. Ridiculous comments saying they can't consent 🙄 the world has gone mad.

I don't like it at all as
A) it hurts the baby. Just because they don't remember doesn't make it ok.
b) if send a message to the baby that looking pretty is more important than staying comfortable and pain free - what a wrong foot to start off life on, they'll get enough of those messages later.
C) baby can't consent - what if they didn't want it later and have holes in their ears forever.

However, op it's done now. Fretting about it won't change anything. If you feel embarrassed your gd will be ostracized for being a chav in a school of posh girls you'll have to just get over that.