Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I cope with this!?

108 replies

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:26

So I decided to end my marriage about 4 months ago and I got a call today to tell me he has took them on a day out with another woman. How can you possibly go from a long term relationship and then go into another one straight away!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:51

MildredSauce · 31/12/2024 17:48

That makes sense. It feels like you're both finding it hard to move on, in different ways and best that there are as few grey areas and blurred boundaries as possible.

Show quote history

when he collects them he hangs around for ages and it just isn’t helping either of us, plus I’m sure his girlfriend wouldn’t be happy with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:50

Kelwar · 31/12/2024 17:48

I think mum has a right to do what she likes on her night off!

Show quote history

I do indeed! I have been faithful in my relationship for almost 20 years I am not hurting anybody!

OP posts:
Kelwar · 31/12/2024 17:48

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 31/12/2024 17:47

These poor kids. Parents have split up. Dad has new woman (with child - a further rival for his affections) and mum is knobbing randoms on her 'night off'.

I think mum has a right to do what she likes on her night off!

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:48

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 31/12/2024 17:47

These poor kids. Parents have split up. Dad has new woman (with child - a further rival for his affections) and mum is knobbing randoms on her 'night off'.

Jesus Christ I have had sex twice shoot me.

OP posts:
MildredSauce · 31/12/2024 17:48

Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:42

Well he would probably be hurt which is why I wouldn’t rub it in his face. I am focusing on the kids however he has just called me to see if I want anything from the Chinese and I said no pick it up and go back to your house until the kids are ready to come back home. I won’t move on if he is constantly there

Show quote history

That makes sense. It feels like you're both finding it hard to move on, in different ways and best that there are as few grey areas and blurred boundaries as possible.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 31/12/2024 17:47

These poor kids. Parents have split up. Dad has new woman (with child - a further rival for his affections) and mum is knobbing randoms on her 'night off'.

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:43

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 31/12/2024 17:39

You've had sex with a few blokes and he's had sex with his girlfriend.

That's neither of your business.

You two really need to focus on the kid's happiness.

Show quote history

Completely agree. He didn’t need to tell me how good the sex was, was obviously said to get a reaction.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:42

MildredSauce · 31/12/2024 17:40

What do you think he'd say if he knew you've been having sex with other people?

Show quote history

Well he would probably be hurt which is why I wouldn’t rub it in his face. I am focusing on the kids however he has just called me to see if I want anything from the Chinese and I said no pick it up and go back to your house until the kids are ready to come back home. I won’t move on if he is constantly there

OP posts:
MildredSauce · 31/12/2024 17:40

Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:36

I don’t want him back, It was just the shock. I would never go back now anyway after him telling me has slept with somebody else. Even though I have it’s non of his business.

Show quote history

What do you think he'd say if he knew you've been having sex with other people?

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 31/12/2024 17:39

Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:36

I don’t want him back, It was just the shock. I would never go back now anyway after him telling me has slept with somebody else. Even though I have it’s non of his business.

Show quote history

You've had sex with a few blokes and he's had sex with his girlfriend.

That's neither of your business.

You two really need to focus on the kid's happiness.

Spirallingdownwards · 31/12/2024 17:39

Shutball · 31/12/2024 12:52

He even told me the sex was great. I just don’t understand how he could be so hurtful.

Show quote history

Most likely because you hurt him

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 17:36

Kelwar · 31/12/2024 17:11

Hi, do you think you want him back or is it just the shock of him being with someone else? It’s completely normal to feel the way you do by the way.. even if you don’t want him anymore. If you think you want him back then you need a game plan.. marriage isn’t easy, especially when children are involved.. sometimes people break up and figure out it’s not what they want at all.
I really think he’s probably enjoying the upset he’s provoked in you.. wouldn’t we all!? You need to figure out exactly what you want..

Show quote history

I don’t want him back, It was just the shock. I would never go back now anyway after him telling me has slept with somebody else. Even though I have it’s non of his business.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 31/12/2024 17:17

He doesn’t answer to you. The plus side of this is you can’t answer to him.

You cope by being there for your dc, never putting them between you and him, and not bad mouthing him. Trust they will see the truth and focus on being their constant source of stability, safety and love.

Kelwar · 31/12/2024 17:13

Shutball · 31/12/2024 14:10

I think deep down part of me wanted him to change and realise what he had lost. I couldn’t bare the thought of him touching me though and asked him to stop slapping my arse every time I bent down. He spent too much time away from the home and I felt like a single parent anyway. I just have to accept that it will take me a while to get over it but being bitter won’t help. Smile and wave

Ah ok, sorry just read this.. ok, so that’s not good if you didn’t like him touching you.. hold on to that when you feel upset/hurt he’s moved on..

Kelwar · 31/12/2024 17:11

Shutball · 31/12/2024 13:41

What I do in my spare time has no bearing on anybody. I only get one night a week off. If I was going to introduce somebody to the kids I would discuss it with him first

Show quote history

Hi, do you think you want him back or is it just the shock of him being with someone else? It’s completely normal to feel the way you do by the way.. even if you don’t want him anymore. If you think you want him back then you need a game plan.. marriage isn’t easy, especially when children are involved.. sometimes people break up and figure out it’s not what they want at all.
I really think he’s probably enjoying the upset he’s provoked in you.. wouldn’t we all!? You need to figure out exactly what you want..

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 15:19

nodeerinere · 31/12/2024 15:12

My ex took my children to soft play and "happened" to meet the woman he was having an affair with. They spent time there together and then I found out the day after....!

Buggas aren’t they

OP posts:
nodeerinere · 31/12/2024 15:12

My ex took my children to soft play and "happened" to meet the woman he was having an affair with. They spent time there together and then I found out the day after....!

BlueMum16 · 31/12/2024 15:09

Shutball · 30/12/2024 21:49

But the reason was he didn’t put us first

Show quote history

He didn't put you or the DC first when you were together. Why would you expect anything different now you are apart?

It's a shit way for him to parent.

Hoplolly · 31/12/2024 15:07

As others have said, you can't really control it. You ended it, he's moved on. You don't have to like his decisions but there is very little you can do about it so for your own sanity, move on and try and forget about it. You'll just end up hurting yourself and he won't give a shit.

Pitypartayfor1 · 31/12/2024 15:05

Shutball · 30/12/2024 22:01

I’ve just found out he took the kids to see Santa with her. Men are twats

You ended it with him?? It’s none of your business!

Bbq1 · 31/12/2024 15:01

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:46

Both I think. So soon?

Show quote history

I would also question what type of woman thinks it's acceptable to encroach on children's quality time with an absent parent. Surely anyone with any sense/empathy would tell the partner that it's too soon for me to meet your kids and I won't come on a day out during your contact time as that's their time?

Maurepas · 31/12/2024 14:21

Men move on fast - and what do they need to wait for? Life is short and we are all getting older (and possibly less attractive).

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 14:10

I think deep down part of me wanted him to change and realise what he had lost. I couldn’t bare the thought of him touching me though and asked him to stop slapping my arse every time I bent down. He spent too much time away from the home and I felt like a single parent anyway. I just have to accept that it will take me a while to get over it but being bitter won’t help. Smile and wave

OP posts:
spingtime · 31/12/2024 14:08

Op in the kindest way you wanted to end it you did he obviously agreed to it and moved on.
He moved on quickly but nothing you can do about it.
You got what you wanted its over hes free to go do what he wants same as you.

Original poster
Shutball · 31/12/2024 14:07

cartagenagina · 31/12/2024 13:59

That’s the spirit! That four months will have flown by for you, but will feel so much longer to the DC.

I have been a child who had a step mother, been a step mother myself, and now my own DC have a stepmother, so I have experienced various angles.

Your priority has to be are the kids OK? They probably aren’t remotely interested in daddy’s new friend at this point, but if they see you kicking off about it they may become unsettled.

Show quote history

Yes absolutely the kids come first. Who gives a shit what he is doing I ended it it’s non of my business. I just wouldn’t act the way he has but hardly surprising really hence why I got out of the relationship. He has always been very selfish

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread