Cancelled NYE plans - who is BU?

I don't really believe in "just a cold" anymore.

The last two I picked up from other people floored me, and I think were actually flu. I haven't felt that miserable in a long time. I'm talking couldn't stand, couldn't move, couldn't eat, killer headache, fever, chills... the works.

I'm not sure if my immune system has been shot since lockdown or if there are just worse bugs circulating, but I would be avoiding someone with any cold/flu symptoms, thank you. Just look at how many people have been hospitalised for flu this winter season...

Plus, if he's the type to 'always get ill', chances are your heavy cold will be worse when he gets it. I understand why you're frustrated, but I don't think it's because of him not wanting to get sick. I think it's because of everything as a whole.

In a hypothetical scenario (not OP) —

Is rushing round with soup and tissues and cuddles showing your new beloved how thoughtful and caring you how are, how devoted you will be to their health and wellbeing, even unto potential infection/death?

Or are you love-bombing someone when they are incapacitated and vulnerable, deliberately setting out to manipulate them when they are least able to make good decisions for themself?

Could argue for either.

It is worth considering the extent to which an unhealthy and disempowering dependency has infiltrated every aspect of our social norms, especially those supposedly 'romantic' rituals that we are supposed to treasure the most. Half of them are giant red flags.

Avoiding infection shows pragmatism and intelligence, plus a respect for individual agency and the importance of wholehearted full-capacity consent. Rushing around with carefully chosen supplies shows practicality and a willingness to inconvenience oneself to serve others.

The optimum gesture would be dropping off homemade soup and something to entertain, at the door, then retreating and only connecting via letter/voice or video call/gaming until everyone is healthy again.

I've a cold starting. I plan to spend NYE in bed sleeping it off. Can't imagine wanting to be social

I wouldn't want to see someone with a heavy cold , and wouldn't go out if I was ill either

Y wants to do something more exciting than staying in with X who as they feel rubbish, won't have the best night.

And they're really not a 'couple' if they only see each other once or twice a month!

I’ve had colds and Covid one after the other since the end of September and it’s really worn me down. The last cold started nearly a fortnight ago, I had to have two days off work and I’m still coughing all the time and finding it hard to sleep as a result. My temperature is still up and down and the glands in my neck are swollen and I’m exhausted all the time. I’m
certainly doing what I can to avoid catching another one and would cancel social plans if need be.

That said, OP, it does sound like the relationship has run its course.

Just read your update. Leaving you on your own for a termination is pretty shit, I do think the backstory is important. I get the POV of not wanting to be unwell but he’s got form for not caring for you. Start as you mean to go on indeed.

Hi Y. Not gonna lie I’m a bit miffed about NYE but I’ve been thinking a lot about how things are going and I’m not really seeing a strong future in us as a couple. Have a great time tomorrow night and let’s both start the new year afresh! Love X.

I think if you're going to end the relationship, I think most people deserve something rather than a block and delete. Friendship or relationship . Most people want an "end" rather than being left with a wtf. I think it's the adult thing to do. I know it's not always possible and I know maybe you don't feel like it, but for me, that's how I would always want to conduct myself. Even if it were a one sentence, "this isnt working for me anymore. We've come to the end of our chapter. All the best 👍 ". Even if you don't mean it.

It looks like they are not young - of course they should be looking after their health, not passing on germs!

I am generally in the “Y is a wuss” camp but you know, my husband had a nasty cough/cold most of December, still coughing over Christmas and now we’ve both picked up another one and it’s quite un fun. If we had plans next weekend and our hosts said they had a cold then we would cancel at this stage. We’re over it, we’re tired and it’s a long time until our next holiday, we can do without being ill again.

Also given that it’s a couple who see each other twice a month I would assume that usually a shag happens. Depending on who has the cold the other party might not really fancy a snotty bonk and it’s easier to just not go than to say “no thanks, I don’t fancy shagging someone with a cold”.

A new couple should be in the honeymoon phase and wouldn't let a minor cold get in the way of a night together.

I’ve just had two cold/covid like illnesses back to back and i very rarely even get ill. It took ages to feel myself again. I don’t blame Y for not wanting to spend time with someone full of a cold that they don’t live with tbh when they’ve already been unwell so recently.

When i get a cold i feel rubbish, grumpy and certainly not sociable for a few days.

Why are you the final authority on how people manage their health?

I know, I know(!) I shouldn’t say this but I read the op out to my teens - they fell about saying “gotta be millennials”…. Sorry, in the kindest way possible, whether you are the cold sufferer or recent recoverer you need to get a grip. Colds are sh!t but unless you are immune compromised you should shrug and look on the bright side - another set of antibodies that will see you through!!

Somethings up - you should be running into each others arms at this point!

Team Y here. The last thing I need in January is a cold. They already are worn down from being ill. X needs to grow the f up.

No, I avoid catching one when I can.

I nurse my children through the usual stuff and clean vomit and wipe noses and apply Vicks but I don’t go to a place I can avoid where people are sick.

And I don’t go and spread my illnesses around either.

All these posters who would stay away to avoid catching your cold, presumably aren't married or in a co-habiting relationship (or have kids). That's unlesss they move out when someone in their family has a cold

I’ve read your posts and understand why this is the end for you but I would want to avoid a cold and I know I’m generally seen as pathetic for it, but I suffer badly with them.

The cold I caught from DS absolutely floored me for over a week and I took time off work which is unusual. DH and DS had one shitty day and were fine.

I work in a school and catch everything so avoid that which I can.

He sounds like hard work regardless of this and anyone can end a relationship for any reason, but for me cancelling due to the cold in isolation wouldn’t be a problem.

I'd probably go ahead if X is well enough. So would say Y is being unreasonable.

If I was X I'd make other better plans

I wouldn’t say cancelling plans over a cold is a reason for a break up, but it’s clearly much deeper than that. I ended a relationship because of a situation with a termination and while we still chat from time to time, I can’t forget how terribly he behaved and I just would never trust him in a relationship ever again. Hopefully 2025 will bring you Mr Right. As opposed to Mr Alright For Now.

When you say ‘fairly new’ couple I’m guessing less than 18 months into relationship. That’s the honeymoon period; no way a cold would have stopped me or my partner seeing each other at that point.
Someone isn’t in love - possibly both.

Sounds like there's no need for any drama. He's a shit for leaving you to cope with a termination alone in the past but you sound like you're under no illusions and are happy enough on your own.

I hope you have a great new year's eve without this wet blanket.