Married couple money Q

In a divorce situation, inheritance is excluded from the pooling and subsequent division of assets as long as none of it has been used to benefit the family so a family holiday, home improvements etc At that point the whole lot would then be seen as joint money. If he knows this already he may wish to be careful not to spend it in such a way that it could be considered joint, which it would, if he gave it to you to pay your tax bill.
Any reason he might be thinking in this way? £40k salary isn't peanuts but obviously he may feel financially disadvantaged (pension wise savings etc) compared to you.

Does he even know that you don't have your tax money if you usually handle the family finances? And that business has not been as brisk as expected.

If not, I'd start there. The MN posse may be misjudging him.

Presume you've spoken to your accountant about how it will work to have an incoming personal loan etc?

Can you afford this house? What if business doesn't pick up for you?

You aren't being unreasonable. If he hasn't volunteered to pay then he is being unreasonable. Seems peculiar that he would be hesitant tbh or that you would need to ask. No asking required. Where is the inheritance? I'm hoping it's in an account/ accounts under joint names.

The inheritance should pay the tax and then go towards payjng the mortgage off

We have had two inheritances over the last decade. One when his remaining parent died and the second when my remaining parent died. Both lots of money were regarded as "joint" money and we discussed what we were going to do with it.

I had the final say with "my" inheritance and him with "his", but the reality was that it was used to pay off the mortgage, replace ageing cars, install double glazing, replace the boiler, sort out the pointing, have a couple of nice holidays and boost the joint savings account.

It was not my money or his money, it was our money.

Through various inheritances, windfalls, redundancy payments and so on, our joint money is always that. Ours.

Reverse?

Anyway high time there was a cards on the table discusion about money and lifestyle.

Either you are in it together or you are not 😮- you have paid out more and supported him with a joint pot by the sounds of it. Surely it is family money (as your higher earnings have been)
I've been married similar time to you and we have always chucked everything in one pot together- from when we first moved in and had the grand sum of knack all between us to now when we are a bit more comfortable in our middle age.
Don't you have access to the £700k?- DH's recent inheritance (less than 5% of that) was paid into our joint account.
You shouldn't even need to ask

This has to be a joke...

I dont understand this weird his money her money in a long marriage. Or even a short marriage. One pot works for us.

AIBU to ask him to give me £30K to repay the dividend taken out of my company to pay for moving costs for our house?

The only circumstance in which you might be being a tad unreasonable (bear with me here) is in asking for your solution rather than the two of you discussing how your money is spent as a family. I confess that I am shocked that he is happy for you to subsidise when this are going well and has not already offered to balance things up.

Snacks of what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine too. No good, sorry.

This is the reason why all money should be family money .

Good lord! Of course you are not being unreasonable. Sorry but I really have to ask - what on earth is he going to do with the rest of his massive inheritance?

Agree with this 100%

Cannot imagine having to go cap in hand to my DH if we were in this situation.

I can’t believe he hadn’t immediately stepped up to pay! That’s awful.

Yanbu he should definitely transfer this. I think a discussion about plans for this inheritance would be a good idea going forwards so you are not continuing to pay for everything while he 'keeps' this money

surely if you’re a team,
you’re a team! That inheritance should without question belong to your both, if The house is also jointly owned?

It seems a bit off to me that you have to ask. My dh has always dealt with all the finances in our family. Since the beginning of time. I have nothing to do with it. Some people will be horrified at this but it works for us. When I've received any money or inheritance, there's been no question that it's "ours" and it just goes in the pot with everything else. My dh would never have to "ask" for it.

YANBU - if I inherited money I may do something small for myself but it would be family money to decide the purpose jointly.

However:

I am freelance and had been earning very well, but have had a lean few months and do not have enough money in my business account to pay £30K tax bill due 1st Jan.

If you’ve been earning well surely you put a proportion of money aside for tax payments? Spending tax money is a sure fire way to sink your business.

No not unreasonable. I've been married 30 years, 2 grown up DC and now grandchildren. My dh has always earnt way more than me. We've had 2 fairly big inheritances relative to their time and a smaller one. From both sides of the family. We've put our money together since day one. The inheritance has never been mine or his.

Of course, everyone does their martial finances different... my own son and dil have separate accounts as an example...but at the end of the day you're a team..

If you don't have other savings and the tax bill needs to be paid then it'll have to come out of the inheritance. I wouldn't phrase it as DH paying you back though - just the reality of shared finances.