To get married in secret, then forget about it

We are planning the same in 2025 for tax purposes.

Yes that must have been it, wed been planning on the grab version before this!

We did this in the summer - we have no children, the witnesses were 2 electricians who were working in the Registry Office at the time - didn't have to provide any witnesses details .....
Also a will does not necessarily need to be updated. It is legal to make a Will "in contemplation of a marriage"
A Will made in contemplation of marriageThe Will must state that you are intending to marry and that you intend that your Will should not be revoked by this marriage. The person that you are intending to marry must be named. The marriage should take place within a relatively short period of time after the Will is made

I worked with someone who did this. He came in work after he'd taken half term holiday off with the kids. And just says "Sunday went to Chester Zoo, Monday went to Warwick Castle, Tuesday got married, Wednesday went shopping..." and we were all like "WHAT?!" but he didn't the see point in making a big deal of it. Nice and simple and still happily married 20 years later.

I wondered about this too, as we had to name our witnesses two weeks before, when choosing our vows.

Yes, I agree. You're bound to upset some people who'll bemoan the fact that would have wanted to get you a wedding present at least, even if not invited blah blah. So announcing that you made it legal and playing it down when letting people know your news is the way to go.

Also useful to think about how you frame it when you tell others, it very much manages expectations. For me it was “we were making things legal”, it wasn’t a “wedding”

God yeah, everyone has to stick their bloody oar in, give an opinion on trivia like what food you're offering, the type of music you want, what order you want things done in, make you feel guilty because you're not doing x/y/z or inviting that great uncle twice removed. Awful controlling behaviour over someone else's occasion. They bring out the worst in relatives' characters.

oh well done. I loved doing it that way. We didn't even plan what we were wearing, just got up amd put on what felt comfy that day. Think my husband might have been in jeans and hoodie!

yes really important to know marriage invalidates any Will immediately so get that sorted! Because we were keeping our Wills the same after the marriage as they were before the solicitor just charged us about £100 to redraft the same wills in our married names. Until you do this if anything happened after marriage your estate would be intestate

DH and I did this a decade ago - got married abroad, no guests, no fuss, no regrets!

I think it's a bloody great idea. I can't bear the drama, control and narcissism of weddings (not to mention the expense) and I hated my wedding.

If I ever did it again (which I almost certainly won't) I would do it in secret.

I'm sure people will be along shortly to tell you its selfish and its a celebration for all the families etc. These are the exact reasons I wouldn't want to get married again. I don't want lots of new family foisted on me.

This is what we did. We had 2 workers from the registry office as out witnesses.

I can’t even remember the date or how long ago we were married now… I said 6yrs the other day and my dh got offended and said it’s closer to 10! Even he doesn’t know… obviously we could just look at certain. But I like it this way ☺️

We’ve been together 21yrs

We almost did this, registry office in jeans. Wussed out in the end and did a small abroad wedding with close family only.

Surely most parents just want their children to be happy and do their one and only wedding ceremony the way THEY want to do it? Wouldn't you be MORE sad if your children felt forced into changing their ideal way of doing it, to include you, even though they had only wanted a very small informal quick straight forward legal occasion with no fuss? And the minute they feel forced to include you purely to stop YOU feeling sad then up starts the guilt trip from other relatives too. Awful. I'd be gutted if my children changed their plans because they didn't want me to feel sad, and then felt sad themselves because they didn't end up having it the way they wanted to. Just be happy for people and let them do it their own way! That's your only job are a parent, honestly.

OP, I think you can probably guess my feelings on the matter 😆

If i remember correctly you cant do the grab a witness off the street anymore as you have to name them in advance…

so you cant do it like the movies

or maybe that is just me borough

We did. We got married abroad so no need for witnesses. Told our closest friends and family just before, they were over the moon for us. Told the rest when we got back. Everyone seemed made up for us (because we have lovely friends and why would you friends with people who weren’t happy for you to be happy). It was one of my happiest days and I wouldn’t change a thing!

Please include your children.

Mine were so upset when their dad got married without telling them and without them there.

One was very sad that they were ‘second best’ in their dad’s life.

We had been together a decade later in the year so we did this kind of marriage ceremony then planned a big decade party which doubled as hey we got married party, come and celebrate with us.

one of the financial benefits is that you get double the inheritance tax threshold

We did this. The only difficulty was getting witnesses.

We went to a cafe and 2 people took pity on us.

It is a legal contract, the rest of fuss like flowers and guests is just optional. I say go ahead. I had a small wedding, pre-children though, no regrets.

Sounds lovely. Have a great time. If dp and I ever marry I do want the kids there plus any partners, which would currently mean 7 of us - at least we could still fit into one taxi, just about. But I've certainly got friends who have done the weekday lunchtime dash. Need Boulter of Tour de France commentator fame did it this way I think.

Tbh why not just slowly tell people if it comes up? That's how I know the friend above was married.

You want to BE married, you just don't want to GET married. You want to be husband and wife, not bride and bridegroom.
I always think everyone should sense-check themselves like this on the night before their wedding. "If I had to get married in my ugly old tracksuit bottoms with no makeup on, would I still want to go ahead".
It definitely sounds like you would.

We had a civil partnership ceremony after 24 years and two children together. Didn't tell anyone beforehand (except the two friends we asked as witnesses) and haven't told anyone since. Civil partnership gives the same legal protections, rights and responsibilities as marriage now. We did it for financial security reasons (pensions, inheritance tax, etc) and frankly haven't thought about it much since. The only real expense was having to draw up new wills afterwards, as our existing ones were made invalid.

It's not sneaky to want to be married (or civil partnered) quietly and privately. Just go for it.

Friends of ours got civil partnered quietly. They wanted minimum fuss and ceremony, no rings, no music, no photos ... that's what they had.