AIBU - golf?

Dunno. But they were very happily married for over 64 years so I guess they got something right and it worked for them.

They get the house to themselves and a bit of peace and quiet if they haven’t got school age kids. I never heard my mum complain once.

Yes, but there is such a thing as a healthy balance. I haven't had the pleasure of a long term relationship with a woman but my intuition tells me that whilst it is good to have separate interests (you are not joined at the hip), there is such a thing as going too far. If you are regularly spending hours away from home indulging in hobbies (or developing social networks) leaving your wife holding the baby to the point she feels neglected/frustrated, that means it has gone too far. A marriage is a partnership team is it not, with give and take on both sides?

Claiming someone is spending too long away from the family unit does not equate to claiming they should spend no time on their hobbies?

I played 4 holes with my dh and some of our kids on Christmas Day (didn’t have time for more). Dh is the captain of our local club this year so does spend a great deal of time there at the moment but didn’t take it up until the kids were older, we have none at home full time any more so it’s very rarely issue and he does pull back when he realises he’s been a bit too often

The benefits for you might be huge. The problem with golf is that it so often seems to have a negative impact for other people in the golfer's life.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom don't you think that adults in relationships should be allowed to participate in any activities solely for pleasure or to improve their mental health?

But it's not the sport it's the person. It could be darts, snooker, boozing and it's not limited to men, although men are much much more likely to dip out of home life.

I had a friend a few years older than me, he and his wife went to church They retired and he got hooked on helping others and the life of the church:the afternoon teas for the elderly, the visiting the sick in hospital. He had cancer and she carried on with the visiting, the church coffee morning, running the mothers union, as he got sicker there daughter was taking time off work to take him to hospital as his wife was too busy.

He died. His wife wanted to change the time of the funeral because it clashed with coffee morning....her daughter no longer speaks to her

I passed a golf course on Christmas Eve, saw two guys playing and thought of MN...

It's not the Golf that's the problem - it's the hours at the club after.

There are a few years when you have very young DC when a hobby like golf can be problematic but over the course of a marriage I would far rather have a fit and active DH who has plenty of hobbies and interests than one sho doesn't

I am a bloke and used, until I started my own business, to play a lot of golf. The benefits are huge. Tell me another time a man has 4 hours to talk to his mates without alcohol being involved? Getting out in the fresh air, walking, moving the upper body...all things if your office based you don't do.

The talking side is important, men don't talk about emotional issued but when they are emotional about a bad or good shot because sport matters to men, they open up to one another.

we used to play every Sunday morning, sometimes just 2 sometimes 20 of us...home for 1 pm. In the summer one evening a month 4 till 8. All from the same office, often office issues were sorted on the course without rancor

I'm exactly the same! DH plays his own notoriously long hobby, cricket, but I'm preoccupied with the horses while he does so. Doesn't bother me and we still spend plenty of quality time together.

I LOVE that he plays golf tbh, chill time for me.

Roll on the summer and all those wonderful golf comps (or 4) that will be available 😆

eta, daft emojis
🏌️🏌️

Katherine Ryan made a really funny joke once about her husband being a golf twat - something along the lines of "ambling around a golf course in the pouring rain; for the amount of time it takes to drive from London to Carlisle just to avoid family life".

No but in all seriousness, my DH took up golf 3 years ago and plays down at a 9 hole course, he leaves at 7.30am to play at 8am so he's done by 10am and home well before 11. If he does 18 then he will be back at about 2pm - but he only does that occasionally. In summer he plays after work twice a week which delays him being home from 4pm to about 6.30pm. Its really not a big issue. Our DS started playing 3 years ago too and is at a great standard for his age, we hope to see him enter competitions soon. They now play together in the better weather. And they all lived happily ever after...

Both my dad and mum played golf. It never caused any problems for them and if anything, enabled them to have lots of fun times together and with friends, right up until their late 70's.
There are also many women who are over the moon that their husband has got out of the house for a few hours!

What goes around comes around. My DP is well into golf and we now have two golf mad boys aged 13 and 15. He takes them at least once a week. It's fabulous. I don't like playing golf, but I love golf!

DP also goes with friends and I think it's good for the soul.

My husband plays golf, I have no issue with it! I sometimes play with him, it’s actually a really enjoyable and chill sport. He even sometimes takes DD7 round the local par 3 course and she loves it too.

I also play a sport which usually takes up 1 evening per week and 1 full Sunday a month plus a few weekends away per year so it’s give and take for us.

The problem isn't golf, the problem is people neglecting their partners or family responsibilities. That can happen with any hobby. I suspect there are women out there who neglect their partners in a similar way, think OFAH, Rodney and Cassandra, where Rodney felt he had to say to his wife he would like to see more of her because she was always at work functions or badminton.

And if they want or need something less active or fancy a nice sit down in picturesque surroundings, fishing is the perfect hobby for tired overworked mothers who need to disappear off for hours at a time. No need to catch any fish, wine and picnic compulsory optional.

My husband plays golf, probably twice a week, weather permitting. Sat or Sunday, he stays at the club for a few beers. He enjoys it, and despite your little dig walking, 18 holes does give him a bit of a workout. I have no issue with him playing & getting together with his golf buddies.

You mentioned the G word! 😲

NEVER mention the G word on here.

It's very outing you know. Literally everyone will know who you are now.

You might as well just post a photo of your passport and be done with it 😬

I don't think it's golf, per se, but men who think that their hobbies can take precedent over family life. I have friends for whom you could insert the words 'cycling' or 'tennis' into your hypothesis.

It is a very “long” hobby, DH likes to warm up before, have something to eat after, and sometimes the courses are quite far away to drive. He is gone for over 12 hours today because he is driving 2 hours for a particular course.

the issue is fitting this around family life.

however, my hobby is horses so I don’t have a leg to stand on in terms of time or financial investment.