AIBU - golf?

I don’t subscribe to martyrdom as a lifestyle choice. I fully get that some people make it difficult for their spouses to enjoy life outside the home but this thread seems to be blaming “men and their hobbies” for the sake of it. I’ll reiterate that in a decent marriage a hobby should not be a problem. More fool you if you choose not to take time out for yourself.

OK Candide

They alternate. It’s not rocket science.

If their dad is either working or out on hobbies that would be difficult wouldn't it?

Yep. Came here to say pretty much this! My husband has a hobby (it's not golf), and it does take him away from the family at times, but so does my hobby, and he doesn't take the piss. We achieve the right balance and get family time as well as time for ourselves individually. My friend's husband, in contrast, has no hobbies at all, but he's a complete lazy twat who will do anything to avoid pulling his weight as home, including sitting scrolling on his phone, having long showers/baths, or working overtime. Anything to get away from the drudgery of family life.

So it's definitely the man and not the hobby.

No, they should do things they want to do while leaving the children with their dad! I’m struggling to see why this is so difficult to grasp.

I'd like to take up cycling and learn golf actually. And horse riding. And drumming lessons. And sewing.

It's good that I am single.

Depends on who you married. I am a ‘golf widow’ as OP has put it and my DH benefits from this a lot which in turn benefits me.
he had a breakdown a few years ago and uses golf as a great way of helping him maintain his health. He ensures that he does his fair share around the house and did an extra shift at work to pay for me to do something nice. Not all men are selfish twats.

When you have young DC that can be really hard to fit in but somehow men always do while the women can't. And how can it "be on them", are they supposed to up and leave their children on their own to spend time on hobbies?

But again, that IS on them, unless their husbands are forbidding them from doing things, in which case golf is definitely not the problem. If you have a healthy, grown up, mutually respectful relationship, having hobbies is a very positive thing!

DH plays golf, less since welcoming our child and hardly at all since I became pregnant again and have been unwell. When he plays, he leaves straight away to get back and relieve me from solo parenting asap. The amount of stick he gets for this from the other men is unbelievable- name calling, telling him he must be under my thumb, etc. It seems most of the men there are avoiding their families and cannot comprehend that he wants to get back to his.

I play golf, love it. Gets me away from work and outside with nice people. Golf is not the problem. I often play nine holes, change my shoes, wash my hands and leave the clubhouse because that’s all I have time for.

I don’t see many members out for the whole day at my course.

DH is a golf nut, it never used to bother me because it was good for him & I liked the time on my own. The problem is now we have had our first DC this year and he hasn't really toned it down & doesn't see why he should, so I agree with PP saying it's not the golf it's the prioritising over family life that is the issue!

A proper round of golf is not ‘a leisurely walk’. I get between 5 and 10 miles in depending on the course (the 10 mile one involves a lot of elevation too).

If you’re ’leisurely’ the people behind you will be up your chuff and pissed off at you.

Ridiculous, happy people make happy partners and parents. V important to exercise and especially for men to spend time with other men and socialise. V controlling to try and reign them in , and get your own sport/ hobby!

My dh plays golf. I have absolutely no issue with it.

Well that’s on them, isn’t it?

He goes out for a few hours, you get to go out for a few hours. It’s healthy.

My husband plays golf (very well!) and I can’t begrudge him a few hours walking around beautiful places with his best mates, catching up on life and enjoying something he excels at. But when he’s at home he easily does his fair share of parenting, husbanding and housekeeping and really looks after us all, I’d feel differently if he was just buggering off out all day and leaving me with a stack of stuff to do. He did play less when our kids were little and these days he tees off early on weekends and is home by 1/2pm.

Watching bloody golf though.. drives me MAD!

DW said the only things she would put her foot down about were golf (her DM was a "golf widow") and fishing.

I have never done either.

YANBU.

I saw two men playing golf on Christmas Day. I guess they jumped over the wall as the entrance gates to the club were locked. I did wonder how they could be bothered (I'm no sports fan, if it isn't obvious)!

Absolutely agree about it being a great opportunity to relax with friends without the pressure to drink, btw. Sure, some will be in the club for hours afterwards, but that's indicative of the man, not the game. My husband drives to and from the golf course so there's no alcohol involved.

The only thing that gets me slightly is the club fees. We're probably a grand a year for membership. But I figure I spend that equivalent in other ways.

I would argue my marriage is so successful BECAUSE we're not tied at the hip. Four hours apart on a sunday morning does not mean we don't enjoy each other's company! I regularly go on city breaks with friends because it's not my husband's cup of tea, but it doesn't mean we don't like each other. We both have full lives and enrich one another's.

My DH would not get away with it. He needs to exercise so he takes brisk walks, way better than walking leisurely during hours at a golf course. It's no more exercise than going shopping.