Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I regret hosting on NYE.

32 replies

Surrendertoitall · 30/12/2024 12:48

Typically, I love entertaining. I love cooking and I'm good at it. I often have friends over to eat. But whenever it's an occasion, and I have people over, I feel really overwhelmed with stress. I had a thing a couple of years ago to celebrate something and had about 25 people around. My stress went through the roof.

I'm hosting NYE. About 18 people including kids. I can't do it by halves, I have to do great food and make sure it's lovely for people. Initially, I went back and forth about doing it - the tousle between loving being hospitable but finding it incredibly stressful too, not just in terms of grub and stuff, but how everyone will get on, will they enjoy themselves, will it be a damp squib etc - but my DH encouraged me. To be fair, he's very helpful on a practical level and does get involved.

Anyway, I was managing the stress but a family has already cancelled (for good reason) and now I just feel ugh.

I guess I'm posting to see if others have this contradiction and how I can embrace it without all this bullshit pressure I put on myself.

OP posts:
BusyPoster · 30/12/2024 14:35

The best dos I’ve been to haven’t been perfect and the hosts have been relaxed.

You still have time to delegate some of the food to your guests.

Togetheragain45 · 30/12/2024 14:17

It's definitely very stressful being the host. Is it possible to buy in meals from Cook or a similar shop? Will any restaurants deliver?

Eldermillennial2024 · 30/12/2024 14:16

I'm the same but I find it draining

gmgnts · 30/12/2024 14:14

I feel your pain! Last week I hosted a pre Christmas dinner with all the trimmings for a big group of friends. Despite working flat out at preparation the day before, getting up early on the day and working through a long and well organised to do list, I simply didn't have time to do every single thing I had planned. There was just too much! I ended up having to pull the pigs in blankets from the main course and serve them as canapes instead of the smoked salmon blinis I had planned to make. But I'm sure not a single person knew or cared about the substitution - just me! And it all went absolutely fine. On New Year's Day I'm hosting family members for a 'simple' buffet lunch and am stressing about it, despite having bought everything already and laid out the crockery in advance. It will also be fine, but I will have aged a few years by the 2nd. I guess it's just your personality and you'll have to live with it. I have cut back quite a bit on entertaining the last few years because of the stress. As I get older, I can do without it, but I agree it's a lovely thing to do if you can cope with the stress.

Original poster
Surrendertoitall · 30/12/2024 13:38

Thanks, both. Good to know it's not just me!

I do think it's about being attached to an outcome/that 'picture' in my head. Not that I have a specific one, but just this fanciful idea of it being fabulous and fun and everyone loves me for it! I think the judgement of it not being great feels stressful, and the idea (subconsciously) that I will be badly thought of or loved less for it. If that makes sense.

And i know, on every level, this won't be the case and even the worse case scenario is fine.

OP posts:
AChickenPooAndABiscuit · 30/12/2024 13:21

I feel the same. I’m hosting friends for lunch today, it should be relaxed and enjoyable as we’ve all known each other for years… but here I am feeling anxious! I’ll probably be fine once they get here but I hate waiting for anyone to arrive…

OliveLeader · 30/12/2024 13:07

I feel this very deeply OP. I love hosting and I’m good at it but I put so much pressure on myself to make everything impressive and perfect, and it can cause me a lot of stress. In my logical mind I know I would enjoy it more if I could be laid back about it but I find that very hard to do. It’s like once I’ve had a vision in my head of how something could be, then scaling it back feels like I’m letting myself and others down - even if nobody else ever knew the original vision!

I think for me it’s associated with my ADHD and the perfectionism / black and white thinking that comes with that but I also think a lot of women feel this pressure to be outstanding, self-sacrificial hosts and it’s hard to get out of your own way about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread