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AIBU?

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My mother has asked this - this is surely unreasonable

271 replies

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:11

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

OP posts:
Lunde · 30/12/2024 23:26

Did your cousin manage to get this sorted out?

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2024 21:50

My goodness what a pain in the neck. I hope your mum gets all the details soon and has a lovely holiday.

BlueSky2023 · 30/12/2024 21:14

Jolietta · 30/12/2024 20:07

Uncle has murdered his wife the aunt and is keeping up the pretence of her being alive but hasn't realised she has booked a cottage and doesn't know the details so is being deliberately vague .

Have you been listening to too many true crime podcasts😂

honeyfox · 30/12/2024 20:42

The aunt sounds like a proper pain in the posterior.

Foodylicious · 30/12/2024 20:41

Its common for places to share extra directions and key arrangements or safe/ details only on the day of expexted arrival to prevent people trying to gain access before they are ment to check in.
If this is the case, it is odd that your aunt isn't sharing that she just doesn't have the full info yet.

Marchweshall · 30/12/2024 20:39

Jolietta · 30/12/2024 20:07

Uncle has murdered his wife the aunt and is keeping up the pretence of her being alive but hasn't realised she has booked a cottage and doesn't know the details so is being deliberately vague .

This isn’t in the least bit funny. Glad you can find the fun in domestic murder.

TwinkleLights24 · 30/12/2024 20:37

ZorbaTheHoarder · 30/12/2024 20:30

Cancel the cheque(!)

It’s already been cashed.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 30/12/2024 20:30

Cancel the cheque(!)

Likewhatever · 30/12/2024 20:29

Hope your cousin has had better luck than you have in getting the necessary info.

I wasn’t sure what your AIBU was. If it’s about not helping your mum and leaving her to get on with it, I think you are a bit.

I would have helped my late DM with this sort of thing (and often did) if it was stressing her out.

Itsbrtnybish · 30/12/2024 20:28

Letsgotitans · 30/12/2024 11:34

Oh that's sad, I can't imagine being so against spending time with my mum.

Oh bore off it’s New Year’s Eve!

Op might have plans with partner, friends, going to a concert/ club/ bar. She’s allowed a life too!

lefthandedcat · 30/12/2024 20:27

She told us the cheque was cashed ages ago.
I don't think this holiday's going to happen, your Mum should make alternative plans for NY if she doesn't relish staying at home alone.

Ottersmith · 30/12/2024 20:27

Well there will be towels for starters. If it is Airbnb they don't give out instructions for entry until 24 hours before. But also if your Mother is only 70 why is she messing about with cheques like a 95 year old? She can use a banking app surely? 70 is not very old.

2021x · 30/12/2024 20:25

Ugh I can’t deal with people like this… hopefully your cousin will sort it.

Sometimesright · 30/12/2024 20:22

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:11

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

Has she cashed the cheque?

Jolietta · 30/12/2024 20:07

Uncle has murdered his wife the aunt and is keeping up the pretence of her being alive but hasn't realised she has booked a cottage and doesn't know the details so is being deliberately vague .

MountainChalet · 30/12/2024 19:35

It sounds like your aunt hasn't booked anything, but cashed your mum's cheque, and she's still trying to find a lastminute deal.

SatsumaDog · 30/12/2024 19:27

She sounds like she’s deliberately stressing your mum out for whatever reason. Totally unreasonable. Hopefully your cousin will get to the bottom of it.

SatsumaDog · 30/12/2024 19:25

jamimmi · 30/12/2024 19:20

Your aunt sounds a pain tbh. All coeliac or even GF people know you always tell resturants/ catering in advance btw! Especially if it's a wedding.

Exactly. Plus she specifically told op that she didn’t need anything special to be done for her food wise. Unforgivable to make a fuss over gravy at a wedding. You just don’t have it!

Popadomorbread · 30/12/2024 19:25

I know the last couple of holiday cottage type places we have used, we didn’t get the address until the day before check in. Though why she couldn’t just say this if that was the case. Does she have form for being difficult?

jamimmi · 30/12/2024 19:20

Your aunt sounds a pain tbh. All coeliac or even GF people know you always tell resturants/ catering in advance btw! Especially if it's a wedding.

OrangutanDaisies · 30/12/2024 18:37

Your aunty sounds so difficult

AngelontopoftheTree · 30/12/2024 18:26

Ignore those saying you should spend NYE with your mum - Why??? She already has plans, you have plans.... people are ridiculous!

Glad to hear your cousin will help, hope you hear soon.

Your aunt sounds like one of those people who has to have control - especially of information that others may need.

Marchweshall · 30/12/2024 18:24

Sounds like there is no break. I’d love to know any other reason why your auntie is stringing your mum along. How stressful for her and you.

mumgodloveher · 30/12/2024 18:03

OP, I don't think you need to justify why you wouldn't spend NYE with your mother. I'm
Pretty sure most of us don't. Enjoy your break away.

ThatCoralBalonz · 30/12/2024 17:42

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