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AIBU?

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My mother has asked this - this is surely unreasonable

271 replies

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:11

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

OP posts:
justasking111 · 31/12/2024 22:08

What a pill your aunt is. Hopefully mum will make the best of it.

gypsy22 · 31/12/2024 21:25

When you have to mother your mother ..
it Comes to us all eventually but I am nearly 70 and it’s not a decrepit helpless age . My point being there’s something going on with the dynamic between the two sisters that you may not even know about .. maybe ?

daleylama · 31/12/2024 20:10

Paganpentacle · 30/12/2024 11:14

Tell her your Mum is cancelling the trip.... seeing as she doesn't know where she's staying or how to get there.

and would like a refund immediately so she an rebook for herself !

FabulouslyFab · 31/12/2024 19:57

Gosh the weather has been vile up here in Penrith today - I’m pleased your mum had safe travels and enjoyed her lunch! Not a day to be out and about at all!

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 31/12/2024 19:14

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:19

I think when I've booked cottages before - a few years admittedly isn't there usually some joining info - directions etc? Nothing has been provided.

I've recently stayed in a place that provided the check in info (lockbox location & code) only a very short time before check-in opened (3pm).
Quite annoying.
I did know its address, tho.

LookItsMeAgain · 31/12/2024 19:02

Happy New Year to you too @BarrioQueen .

The next time your mother starts going "Oh, poor Aunt/Sister..blah blah [insert why she is being wronged this time] blah blah" you will be able to remind her what you had to do to get the details of the NYE holiday that she paid to go on and how reluctant and stubborn your aunt was in sending on some simple details etc. to her sister. Perhaps your mother won't be saying "poor aunt/sister" as often.

Eddielizzard · 31/12/2024 18:59

I bet your aunt was planning on going with friends but they fell out, so your lovely mum was conveniently drafted in. Sounds like your aunt is pissing off people left, right and centre!

MJconfessions · 31/12/2024 18:57

I don’t know if controlling is the right word for her actions here. I think cruel perhaps? She obviously was enjoying the fuss and causing a scene. She likely wanted to cause disruption to your mum and wasn’t fussed if your mum would go or not.

Seasonsfeastings · 31/12/2024 18:39

Have a fab night OP x

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2024 18:27

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 11:19

I think when I've booked cottages before - a few years admittedly isn't there usually some joining info - directions etc? Nothing has been provided.

Quite often provided last minute though. I've been to a few recently where I didn't know until a few hours before arriving how I would get the key. It's a bit stressful actually.

Stirabout · 31/12/2024 18:25

Stirabout · 31/12/2024 18:18

As your Aunt lives further away maybe she wants to be in the car and en route to bag the best bedroom 🥴
would that be potentially in character OP

Just spotted it’s all sorted.
Have a lovely New Year OP

Stirabout · 31/12/2024 18:18

As your Aunt lives further away maybe she wants to be in the car and en route to bag the best bedroom 🥴
would that be potentially in character OP

FozzieP · 31/12/2024 18:15

Sounds like
a she hasn’t booked anything
and/or
b she’s spent the money.
If anyone apart from the person on the booking form calls won’t GDPR prevent them from discussing it, unless, of course, they’ve never heard of GDPR.
Can you look on line and see if is actually booked that week; that’ll give you a starting point.

dapsnotplimsolls · 31/12/2024 18:05

Glad to read that it's sorted, hope your Mum nabbed the best bedroom!

Penguinmouse · 31/12/2024 17:59

Glad it’s all sorted! A lesson learned for next time - no more trips away with your aunt!

StarkleLittleTwink · 31/12/2024 17:57

Your Aunt sounds exactly like my sister - a fu%#ing control freak!

Isinglass20 · 31/12/2024 17:51

Honestly I’d send the following text to the aunt:

You haven’t booked it, have you?

ApolloandDaphne · 31/12/2024 17:50

I am glad it's all sorted. I hope your SM manages to enjoy her holiday and I hope you have a great night out.

TarotLady · 31/12/2024 17:48

Letsgotitans · 30/12/2024 11:34

Oh that's sad, I can't imagine being so against spending time with my mum.

I haven't seen or spoken to my Mother in 14 years. Not everyone has the blessing of a healthy maternal relationship. There's always a valid reason even if you can't imagine it.

Seacatt · 31/12/2024 17:31

I'm glad it's all sorted. Well done your cousin.

I hope you have a fabulous New Year!

TakeMeDancing · 31/12/2024 17:26

Well done to the cousin—they saved the day!

BarrioQueen · 31/12/2024 17:24

Sorry - I was just relieved that this came to a positive end.
Cousin went to his Mum's - stood over her while she sent info. She was indignant apparently, and would have sent her what she needed anyway - according to her. Very huffy. Only received texts from Cousin unclear why Aunt has been so awkward on this - she is an awkward person but this was not predicted. According to him - she has fallen out with lots of her friends in last few years owing to her 'controlling ways'. His view.

Mum received info - not the booking form - but the key bits such as address and passcode in very terse texts. Mum left eatlier today - had nice lunch in Penrith - Aunt not there yet - told her to enjoy it regardless. I expect there will be an atmosphere but that's on her (Aunt).

Aunt is awkward and always gets her way with things, but really has been a pain. I don;t think Mum will agree to anything like this again. She was keen to go to Lake district as that was where they holidayed as children. I think it has been a long while since she spent extended time with her and she has often told me 'Poor S. This friend of hers has cut her off/ been unkind/ etc' I think she might have realised why now. ' Aunt normally too busy to want to do much with her - so was surprised and excited to be invited to share (cost etc) of holiday cottage.
Anyhoo off to glam up for a night out. thank you to those that gave helpful comments. Happy New Year All.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 31/12/2024 15:20

Any update @BarrioQueen ?

LookingforMaryPoppins · 31/12/2024 14:08

BarrioQueen · 30/12/2024 17:09

Update.
My lovely cousin is going to my Aunt's after his shift and said he will stand over his mother so she texts the relevant details. He knows shes going away but not detail.
I do not think the people who've commented on my relationship with my Mum are being fair. We have rare NYE plans - invoolving tickets, and yes it is a break for me, so I don;t think I should have to act as stand in for my Aunt.

Re Aunt - she was late to my wedding. Okay fair enough. I knew she had dietary requirements and asked about them. She is GF - we were having a Christmas day style roast (December wedding) and I asked her what her requirements would be and she said - no its fine I can have all the veg and meat you don;t need to inform the venue about my GF. Whilst the meal was being served I saw a dispute with a waitress - she was insisting on GF gravy. The waitress said there was not any, and she insisted on trying to speak to the chef and even involved my bridesmaids and really created a scene during my wedding meal, after missing the service. Yes, I bear a grudge.

I will update if there;s any other info, but I presume my Mum will get the details later tonight.

Did your mum get the details?

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2024 00:44

The cousin sounds a plan

Even if mum doesn't go to aunts cottage

She is with her dh your dad so she won't be on her own

Fingers crossed Info is given soon

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