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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

338 replies

Queenjuliana · 30/12/2024 10:00

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

OP posts:
Kevinthebird007 · 02/01/2025 17:43

I hate to say it but this is the sort of hair brained scheme a family member of mine would have got involved in and they have had many a short stay in prison as a result. I'd be giving him an ultimatum.

Original poster
Queenjuliana · 02/01/2025 17:36

Mirabai · 02/01/2025 10:55

Is DP 100% sure she’s even ill?

Well I've had a look at the GFM page and in the photo she looks clearly as if she's in a hospital bed..

OP posts:
TooManyNiblings · 02/01/2025 17:31

A percentage of all notes are used to snort cocaine. If your DP is taking €10,000, some of those notes will have cocaine on them and @justasking111 is saying the sniffer dogs in Germany will stop him.

Original poster
Queenjuliana · 02/01/2025 17:28

justasking111 · 02/01/2025 14:31

10k in cash is going to test positive for cocaine according to my cousin who works for a bank. With the terrorism alerts in Germany there's going to be sniffer dogs.

Of course the package will show up in scans.

Sorry I don't really understand what you mean by it will test positive for cocaine??

OP posts:
Yoyokitten · 02/01/2025 15:30

Thanks for the info, I did wonder about it.
Obviously then the reason the husband won't come across to collect the money from your husband, is because he will be taking a lot of money through the airport when he returns to Germany.
Not daft is he ?
Still think he's barmy (your OH) even contemplating it.

Caroparo52 · 02/01/2025 15:16

I think it sounds like dpfriend has conned your dp into raising/giving 7K to give them without declaring it to the proper channels . If word gets out its a bit of a con then its your dp whose reputation will be in tatters...
Did dp not think it through? Might he beasked to repay the 7K if word gets out?
I would be furious that all those people gave their money to a not 100% legitimate cause.... I hope it doesn't all come back to bite him

justasking111 · 02/01/2025 14:31

10k in cash is going to test positive for cocaine according to my cousin who works for a bank. With the terrorism alerts in Germany there's going to be sniffer dogs.

Of course the package will show up in scans.

DecayedStrumpet · 02/01/2025 14:12

@Queenjuliana your DPs anger about being confronted and refusing to accept this might be dodgy, are very common among victims of scams.

Ultimately there's nothing you can do if he's determined, but there is information online about how to talk to people you believe are falling for a scam, mainly aimed at relatives of the elderly. You might be able to give it a go.

https://www.independentage.org/get-advice/money/scams/how-to-help-someone-if-you-think-theyre-being-scammed

How to help someone if you think they’re being scammed

Learn how to help someone to protect themselves if you think they are or have been scammed.

https://www.independentage.org/get-advice/money/scams/how-to-help-someone-if-you-think-theyre-being-scammed

NoBinturongsHereMate · 02/01/2025 13:37

WildCats24 · 02/01/2025 12:52

I wouldn’t put up to £10k in checked luggage! There are cash sniffer dogs in airports.

Show quote history

And all hand luggage is scanned.

JustMyView13 · 02/01/2025 13:04

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.

NameChangedOfc · 02/01/2025 13:02

Ah yes, "anarchists"... 😒🙄

Halo20 · 02/01/2025 12:57

OP has your DP realised he may need to declare this to HMRC which will be why no one else wants to help?

It could also have an impact on his own personal taxes, benefits etc.

www.dsburge.co.uk/tax/crowdfunding-tax-implications/

Ebeneser · 02/01/2025 12:54

MildredSauce · 02/01/2025 12:29

Better he's doing this than dipping in to the fund he's created for expenses; as @CountTo10 says above, donors/contributors have the right to expect their money (less the GFM fee) to go direct to the beneficiary for the cause stated

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Good point. So he’s a mug basically. Doing something dodgey and forking out his own money to facilitate it

WildCats24 · 02/01/2025 12:52

Yoyokitten · 02/01/2025 12:49

I agree this sounds very dodgy and I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.
I told my husband about it, he said he loves his friends but no way would he get involved.
I think he's getting angry with you because he knows it's not right.
On the other hand, how would anyone in the airport know that he was carrying that amount of money.
I haven't flown for years since before Covid, so don't know if things have changed.
Do they x ray all luggage, and would money show up ?

I wouldn’t put up to £10k in checked luggage! There are cash sniffer dogs in airports.

Yoyokitten · 02/01/2025 12:49

I agree this sounds very dodgy and I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.
I told my husband about it, he said he loves his friends but no way would he get involved.
I think he's getting angry with you because he knows it's not right.
On the other hand, how would anyone in the airport know that he was carrying that amount of money.
I haven't flown for years since before Covid, so don't know if things have changed.
Do they x ray all luggage, and would money show up ?

YourGladSquid · 02/01/2025 12:46

cooldarkroom · 02/01/2025 11:57

https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2024/12/24/germany-far-right-party-afd-holds-march-after-christmas-market-attack67363999_4.html

Show quote history

That’s… quite literally the opposite of anarchism (far left). I’m a little confused.

MildredSauce · 02/01/2025 12:29

Ebeneser · 02/01/2025 12:16

Please at least tell me your DP is not forking out for his own flights and expenses etc for doing this? @Queenjuliana

Better he's doing this than dipping in to the fund he's created for expenses; as @CountTo10 says above, donors/contributors have the right to expect their money (less the GFM fee) to go direct to the beneficiary for the cause stated

Ebeneser · 02/01/2025 12:16

Please at least tell me your DP is not forking out for his own flights and expenses etc for doing this? @Queenjuliana

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/01/2025 12:11

FlamingoQueen · 02/01/2025 08:27

This sounds very dodgy. The money must be traceable - surely the friend/wife’s name must be on it somewhere or how would people know who the money was for, when donating?

The photos are probably not real. Who takes photos of themselves in hospital or sends blood test results to a friend (unless friend is a Dr)?

I think your dp is opening himself up for potential fraud and I know he seems very kind hearted, perhaps he’ll have time to reflect on this in prison (v extreme I know).

Someone I know of told everyone she knew she had terminal brain tumour...

The whole thing... Scans/specialist letters /prescription lists...

ALL WAS FAKE...

It seems you can appropriate these online pretty easily. easily...

I would NOT be swayed by blood test results...

I've had a lot of rubbish health... Not once have I shown /wanted to show anyone my blood results... But then I'm not trying to scam money...

He's a fool..

cooldarkroom · 02/01/2025 11:57

YourGladSquid · 02/01/2025 10:42

could be assisting funding all sort or anarchist terroism, black block, arms,

He’s probably just funding a couple of lazy addicts we are trying to swerve the system. When was the last time Germany had any violence/arms related that are linked to Anarchism? Probably evicting squatters at best.

Still crazy to get involved though.

https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2024/12/24/germany-far-right-party-afd-holds-march-after-christmas-market-attack67363999_4.html

1HappyTraveller · 02/01/2025 11:43

You can’t stop people making stupid decisions.
Just make sure you are clear in writing:

“are you sure this is even legal? I don’t want anything to do with it!”

Then don’t get involved anymore. Make him aware that if there are any financial implications regarding this then you will absolutely not be bailing him out. I see you aren’t married… do you share a house? A mortgage? A bank account…etc?

CountTo10 · 02/01/2025 11:39

Sorry. Should read it can be considered fraud if the money collected by the GFM isn't used for the purpose outlined in the GFM

CountTo10 · 02/01/2025 11:37

Sounds really dodgy and some sort of fraud. It can be fraud if the money collected for the purpose stated on the GoFundMe. So if someone says it's for medical expenses but gets used for a holiday it could be construed as fraud. I would even question if the wife even had cancer horrible though that sounds.

The anarchist husband gets all that money via the OPs husband; the whole thing is identified as fraud; the only records they have is the OPs husband receiving the money; anarchist husbands denies all knowledge of GFM and denies having received a penny. This has scam written all over it.

Ellie56 · 02/01/2025 11:27

@Queenjuliana

If you made it clear you were going to leave your DP over this dodgy scheme do you think that would make him think again?

Smokesandeats · 02/01/2025 11:26

I’d also be telling your DP that you will report this to the relevant British and German airport authorities if he insists on transporting the money himself. Does he like the taste of prison food?