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Original poster

Am I overreacting by getting a bit upset over this

55 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 30/12/2024 09:10

Just been laying in bed with my husband and our 2 year old. I am coming up to 12 weeks of my pregnancy and have had the worst time ever, vomiting almost daily, nausea 24/7 and extreme exhaustion. I asked him to do our son's morning routine this morning as I am feeling very sick, plus I have work today and he doesn't. Our son started winging a little bit and I said "he is hungry and needs breakfast" my husbands first response was "go on then" expecting me to get up and do it because he has gardening to do today, bear in mind he was also on his phone at this point watching unnecessary videos.
It made me feel really upset that he cannot see how some days this pregnancy can really affect me and I sometimes feel that I shouldn't even have to ask him to do our sons breakfast while I lay in bed with my sick bowl hanging on for dear life growing our baby. Just makes it worse also that I have work later and he is off work until after the new year.
But I said to him "can you not do it today please, I feel really rough" which he replied "I've got stuff to do, I need to build up the courage to get up and go out in the garden"... I just feel he is being very selfish.

It turned into a bit of an argument but he eventually got up to make his breakfast.
The hormones probably aren't helping but I just feel like he totally went the wrong way about it and now I feel so upset about the whole situation and now I feel like I can't ask him for help because I will just get shouted at again.

Should I just forget this happened or tell him how it made me feel? I am not sure if I am just being hormonal or if he was a little bit out of order :(

OP posts:
EATmum · 30/12/2024 09:24

There's a lot in your posts about asking him for help. Why was it your job in the first place? Your child has two parents, and both of you are there to look after him. He needs a hard reset of how this works (and, gently, you do too) - you're literally vomiting and he thinks he has the right to take a pass? Not OK.

He's not there to help you. He's there to parent.

DaisyChain505 · 30/12/2024 09:23

Motherof1and2dogs · 30/12/2024 09:21

@Spirallingdownwards thank you for this. I have been doing a lot less than I usually would and I do feel very lazy but this pregnancy has been hell! He has been helping loads recently and so he should really but to ask for help and get the reaction I did from him just makes me feel so sh*t and then I just feel like I can never ask him for help again. I do wonder if he thinks I'm putting it on or if he is just so fed up of taking on what I would usually do

Stop excusing his behaviour. He hadn’t been “helping you loads recently” he has been being a father and looking after his own child.

why do so many women see men who parent their own child as doing them a favour or helping them out.

raise your bar.

Original poster
Motherof1and2dogs · 30/12/2024 09:21

@Spirallingdownwards thank you for this. I have been doing a lot less than I usually would and I do feel very lazy but this pregnancy has been hell! He has been helping loads recently and so he should really but to ask for help and get the reaction I did from him just makes me feel so sh*t and then I just feel like I can never ask him for help again. I do wonder if he thinks I'm putting it on or if he is just so fed up of taking on what I would usually do

OP posts:
Catza · 30/12/2024 09:20

and now I feel like I can't ask him for help because I will just get shouted at again

And that was probably his plan all along. OP, the best thing you can do here is to actually let him parent his child. Don't ask, don't remind, just leave him with the responsibility for your child. Go somewhere, come up with a "very important job to do" just like he is doing. Don't create a rod for your own back by being a default parent.

Spirallingdownwards · 30/12/2024 09:13

He's a twat. Tell him he needs to step up and help with his 2 year old (which he should be doing whether or not you are pregnant but even more so when you may be suffering morning sickness or effects of early pregnancy).