Worried about DH parental leave

Parental leave is exactly that, not a break from work. You need to cancel his leave, basically. He's using this to have what he considers to be time off. He sounds useless and unattractive, frankly. A parent who isn't bothered about looking after his child. Can't say I'd tolerate that.

He sounds like a lazy and unengaged parent. Paternity leave is not for doing jobs around the house! My DH took paternity leave and zero jobs were done, but DC was engaged, taken to parks and playgroups, fed well and not dumped on a relative. If you can’t trust your DH with your baby, I would reconsider the marriage. You will be a single parent basically in a marriage.

Can open. 🥫

Worms everywhere. 🐛

He got both barrels for that and it was never repeated. He does seem to be a reasonable dad now.

Big red flag.

Parental leave isn't time off work. If you're doing it properly it should be more tiring than your actual job.

Babirs dont need to be stimulated all the time you know. They can work out toys by themselves, they're clever like that.
However, babies can't be left out of ear and eyeshot behind a closed door and your partner needs to be told categorically that this is dangerous.

🎯

He's a lazy bastard.

That is astonishing! Did he get his act together or did she leave him?

@MyPithyPoster I've seen the threads too. The worst one, he brought in next to no money and called himself a SAHF but left all the domestic work to his wife, even when the DC went to school, because he spent all day doing as he liked. I'm cynical I admit, but it doesn't hurt to warn an Op what might be happening here

You shouldn’t have to ask him to watch her whilst you go do xyz. She belongs to both of you.

I can't believe anyone is defending someone shoving a 7 month old in a jumperoo and shutting the door and going outside 😳
Or not feeding her because he doesn't like mashed food?!
What the actual fuck?
He absolutely wants the time off work, not the time to spend with your DD. I'd be incredibly concerned about leaving her with him for any length of time.

Just to add about the jumperoo, I had my 8 month old in one, a literally nipped to the downstairs loo, was gone 2 mins tops & when I came back he was upside down. One side failed and flipped him over. If I hadn't had been in the next room, I dread to think what could have happened.

The first time my friend left her DH looking after the baby he went to the shop and left them napping in their cot. She only found out when she noticed he'd bought stuff and asked how they'd got on in the pram, as normally the baby hated it and screamed the whole time. Casual as anything, he told her he went on his own as the baby was napping. Didn't occur to him that it would be a problem.

You need to have a conversation about your concerns and make sure you are on the same page.

Trust your instincts op. A 7 month old baby does need near constant interaction and definitely constant supervision.

Unfortunately, your DP sounds neglectful. If you really have no choice but to go through with his parental leave I’d be making sure the whole house is child proofed e.g all chemicals and medicine locked away, all button batteries screwed down and accounted for because it only takes a moment for accidents to happen. Try and send him on a parenting course. They do free ones at the Family hubs. (Although it doesn’t sound like he would be willing to put any effort in) 😕

Honestly, I think it will do him good to have the time with her by the sounds of it. He is very naive to think looking after a 7 month old is going to be any easier than working. I would be sitting down for a discussion around what is expected though, a list of what you did whilst on maternity leave and that you'll expect him to do most of the night wakings etc.

Id address the jumperoo issue separately and in no uncertain terms tell him that leaving a 7 month old completely unsupervised is unacceptable.

I didn’t like to say, but I read something very similar on. I think it’s threads. Hundreds of women commenting that as soon as the baby was born and she was on maternity leave there baby daddy got the urge to give up their jobs, set up a hobby type business and work from home. Jealous of the mum having time off basically as they saw it.

So you're going to give up your maternity leave to let your DH have an extended holiday, basically. Even though you know your DD will get substandard care. Obviously he's an idiot but you also have agency here - just say no, it's not happening.

I'd be making it very clear you're giving up months with your baby so that he can become a better DF, not so he can have a holiday and pass the buck to his DM. I'd also tell him he goes back to work straight after, if you work so does he, he could enjoy his leave too much

Neglecting his child to the point where her basic emotional and nutritional needs are not being met. He must absolutely repulse you.
Do you want to remain married to the failure?

Absolutely no bloody way would I give up my maternity leave so that he could dump the baby on his mother and have a holiday at my expense!! I can't believe he has the gall to even suggest this, the selfish sod. It shows what he thinks of the worth of your mothering - you're not doing anything valuable, just having a break from work, so he's entitled to have a long paid holiday too (and dump the actual work on the nearest woman - grrr!!).

I'd be telling him that parental leave is not a break or a holiday and under no circumstances would I be giving up the rest of my entitlement to facilitate a lazy man to avoid work, especially since he's so far proven to be incapable of looking after his child safely. If he can't very quickly prove that he's upping his game in terms of looking after and interacting with the baby, I would cancel the shared leave and take the rest of the maternity leave myself. I don't imagine that will go down well, but to be honest, if I were you I'd be reconsidering if I wanted to continue raising a child with such a useless father anyway.

This.

That’s what weekends are for.

When I was a stay at home, Mum I got myself a Saturday job so that dad could hands-on parent.

Made the mistake of walking past the house and looking through the window one day though and caught him on the PlayStation with baby on his knee and the other toddler rattling around the living room.
Hopefully that was the worst of what happened that day. Not the best.

No way I'd be leaving her with him in these circumstances. He doesn't even sound clueless -he sounds like he just can't be arsed. The feeding bit is shocking. While I'm not saying he'd deliberately put her in harms way, he is definitely neglectful. Who leaves a 7 month old unattended in a Jumparoo with the front door shut?!!! I'd have been raging.

Perhaps BUT if used wisely this time off together could actually be spent building confidence looking after their child, especially for him. Realistically he needs the chance to be a parent, if OP isn’t comfortable with him doing that solo then the compromise is he can do that while she is also there.