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Original poster

Privacy on my break at work

233 replies

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

OP posts:
Mooetenchante · 30/12/2024 09:14

Can you go out for a walk at lunchtime - if the weathers good - and find a bench to sit on ?

BountifulPantry · 30/12/2024 09:12

Set a boundary with your colleagues “if I am in the quiet area it’s because I need time to decompress by myself or get a home related task done. Not being rude, just the way my brain works. Thanks for understanding.”

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 09:10

BrightonFrock · 30/12/2024 09:04

Where has the OP said she “can’t cope” with being sociable? She just doesn’t want to spend her break that way every day, and has chosen to use a designated quiet area to get the space she wants.

If anything, I’d say it’s her colleagues who can’t cope with normal behaviour. A sign saying “Quiet area” means be quiet. What are they struggling to understand?

Show quote history

This.

The number of people who can't cope with being quiet in a designated quiet area is much greater than the number of people who can't cope with being sociable.

fivebyfivebuffy · 30/12/2024 09:09

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

It's not recently for me
Try working in a call centre, you're all peopled/talked out by lunch and I want 30 mins without having to say anything when doing 130 calls a day

DowntonCrabbie · 30/12/2024 09:07

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

You may not recall it but it's always been true. OPs behaviour is just as normal as her colleagues (more so in fact) and perfectly reasonable, and in no way suggests she is unable to cope with anything.

The only one who needs to develop here is you. You're out of order.

Boyandgirlmum9 · 30/12/2024 09:07

I wear headphones and occasionally say "yeah" out loud so people think I'm on the phone.

betsy99 · 30/12/2024 09:06

I am fairly social and enjoying chatting with colleagues from other departments at lunch (mainly because I need some female company as I work in a male dominated team) but there are times, often when its been a shit of a morning, and I want some peace and quiet. There is nothing wrong with being anti-social as long as you are respectful to your colleagues.

Its shocking that some people cannot take a hint or read the room.

LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2024 09:05

LynetteScavo · 30/12/2024 07:08

YANBU - I used to go to sit in my car.

I've now changed my lunch break so it's super early, and I avoid the most demanding people.

Just tell your colleagues

'I am taking early lunches because I want some quiet time. So if you see me in the quiet room, please don't sit with me. I'm not being rude, just explaining why I sit in the quiet room.'

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 09:04

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

There's a big difference between "can't cope with" and "don't want to".

Nobody owes you airtime on their break.

BrightonFrock · 30/12/2024 09:04

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

Where has the OP said she “can’t cope” with being sociable? She just doesn’t want to spend her break that way every day, and has chosen to use a designated quiet area to get the space she wants.

If anything, I’d say it’s her colleagues who can’t cope with normal behaviour. A sign saying “Quiet area” means be quiet. What are they struggling to understand?

AffableApple · 30/12/2024 09:04

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

I'm pretty sure we always needed to de-monkey since olden times and days of yore.

Cluelesssanta · 30/12/2024 09:03

Is this area definitely meant for sitting in silence, or have you just decided that it is your quiet space? Would you object, if every chair was occupied by quiet people? Or would that be annoying? Just trying to gauge if your expectation of using this particular space, is reasonable.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/12/2024 09:02

Sorry, I'm really enjoying this book right now so I'm just going to read it. We can catch up later.

Just need to sort these emails / find ideas for X so I'm going to focus on this. Let's chat when we're back at our desk.

I'm not feeling great so if you don't mind I'm just going to go sit quiet over there. See you later.

itsgettingweird · 30/12/2024 09:00

Reallyneedsaholiday · 30/12/2024 08:28

Amazon sell these for just these kinds of situation 😂

😂👀😂😂

HoundsOfHelfire · 30/12/2024 08:59

Wear headphones and tell them you’re listening to an audible book

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 08:59

imnotthevirginmary · 30/12/2024 08:54

I'd be honest and say not being anti social just need some quiet time and put your ear phones in!

It is in fact antisocial and I think that rather than denying that it is antisocial it's better to own that and say there's nothing wrong with being antisocial.

We don't have to be sociable all the time. We don't have to be sociable with our colleagues at all, if we don't want to.

All that is actually required of us is basic politeness. And saying, "Excuse me, I'm just having some quiet time, can this conversation wait until we are back on the clock?" or "I really don't feel like talking right now" or "I'm on my lunch break and don't want to discuss work matters while I'm not being paid to think about them" is perfectly polite.

Windcatcger · 30/12/2024 08:59

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

@Halfemptyhalfling pretty sure the OP can cope with “normal human social behaviour”. Wanting 30mins to read a book and not talk to people if your work is stressful, life is more stressful isn’t that odd.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 08:56

Agree with everyone who suggested big noise cancelling headphones.

Also practise saying, "I don't really feel like talking right now, Linda."

toomuchfaff · 30/12/2024 08:55

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Easiest thing to do would be

Just to interrupt you Janet, I don't want to talk about work during my break, it's not a break if im talking about work. I came here, to the quiet zone to sit and relax for some mindful moments, so I'm going to read my book now, happy to chat about work in worktime, thanks. (eyes down cutting off all conversation)

Nothing nasty, no apology.

imnotthevirginmary · 30/12/2024 08:54

I'd be honest and say not being anti social just need some quiet time and put your ear phones in!

MrsBobtonTrent · 30/12/2024 08:53

Go for a walk? If anyone tries to come along say you have to make some phone calls.

I worked in a call centre like this once. I was so desperate for peace in my lunch break, but was hounded by colleagues who believed their presence and chatter was a precious gift to bestow. I wasn’t there for a career so (when hints and cues were not taken) just offended them by saying I needed a break from them. Own the “antisocial” and “rude” label they are trying to stick on you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/12/2024 08:53

I agree ask HR to re launch the quiet zone. Or, if your colleagues aren't shy about what they want, then don't be shy about what you want. Be pleasant, but smile and say sorry not ignoring you but I really need to sort out buying x / booking y this lunchtime and just carry on

LyndaSnellsSniff · 30/12/2024 08:52

This would drive me crazy. I work in a school where most of the staff are extroverts with limited social awareness. So, if you are sitting quietly in the staffroom eating your lunch, for example, one of the loud extroverts will crash into the room and declare "it's like a fucking morgue in here!" Thus shattering the peace and labelling anyone who is sitting quietly as boring and antisocial. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people just don't understand the need of others to have quiet time.

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/12/2024 08:50

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

butterpuffed · 30/12/2024 08:49

It's obviously not being used for the purpose it was set up for . Talk to HR and tell them this , as it was obviously set up for a reason . Hopefully they will sort it out .