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Original poster

Privacy on my break at work

233 replies

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

OP posts:
bluetonguegiraffe · 30/12/2024 14:21

fuuwan · 30/12/2024 14:11

Exactly and especially as there seems to be other issues with the quiet area, not just OP's particular problem. She says other people are watching videos and chatting on speakerphone. That shouldn't be happening in the quiet area.

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This is missing the point though isn't it? To cope with life we all need to be able to advocate for ourselves and assert basic boundaries. We can't rely on third parties to swoop in to save us.

If OP really is unable to have a quick word with her colleagues to tell them her preference is to lunch alone, then she needs help to learn these skills. HR rescuing her or random MNer's supporting her incapabilty will not help her in the long run.

CantHoldMeDown · 30/12/2024 14:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fuuwan · 30/12/2024 14:11

saraclara · 30/12/2024 13:43

There's no need to be snippy.

I've never worked in a place with an HR department, so I don't know wether it would be down to HR or management, but since management deliberately created this quiet area, presumably for a reason, and There are “Quiet Area” signs according to the OP, it would only take someone (whoever it falls to) five minutes to send out an email to all employees reminding them of its purpose.

In a large company there will always be a few staff members who need some space or quiet. Maybe they're unwell or have problems at home, or just need to de-stress after a tough morning. It's good that someone recognised that when designing the canteen area, but every so often, from a welfare perspective, there needs to be a reminder of its purpose.

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Exactly and especially as there seems to be other issues with the quiet area, not just OP's particular problem. She says other people are watching videos and chatting on speakerphone. That shouldn't be happening in the quiet area.

Ultravox · 30/12/2024 13:47

I bought a set of enormous headphones for this precise purpose. If someone tries to talk to me I just shake my head and smile and point to the headphones.

saraclara · 30/12/2024 13:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

There's no need to be snippy.

I've never worked in a place with an HR department, so I don't know wether it would be down to HR or management, but since management deliberately created this quiet area, presumably for a reason, and There are “Quiet Area” signs according to the OP, it would only take someone (whoever it falls to) five minutes to send out an email to all employees reminding them of its purpose.

In a large company there will always be a few staff members who need some space or quiet. Maybe they're unwell or have problems at home, or just need to de-stress after a tough morning. It's good that someone recognised that when designing the canteen area, but every so often, from a welfare perspective, there needs to be a reminder of its purpose.

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2024 13:34

Look up and very politely tell them that you want half an hour alone. I had a very needy colleague recently and I’ve taken to staying in my room and closing the door. I work through lunch anyway so I can leave soon after the students.

CantHoldMeDown · 30/12/2024 13:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

bluetonguegiraffe · 30/12/2024 13:28

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:42

Should that really be OP's battle to fight, though? She just wants to do her job and have some peace at lunchtimes some days, she's not responsible for educating her colleagues on their seemingly non-existent boundaries.

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This thread gets more and more absurd.

Its absurd to reframe politely telling your colleagues that you would rather be left alone to get on with your own stuff at lunchtime as ' educating them..' Its even more absurd to reframe this as 'battling'.

OP wants to be left alone at lunchtime. Her colleagues don't realise this as she has not told them.

All of us in life have to push through discomfort to achieve a goal we want to. If we choose not to push through our discomfort we have to accept we won't achieve that goal, and that is on us.

If OP wants to be sit in that area alone, as she clearly does, she has to push through the discomfort she feels and simply tell them politely that she would rather be left alone at lunchtime as she has things to do.

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 13:19

bluetonguegiraffe · 30/12/2024 13:17

Okay. So basically your argument is people should assert their boundaries, but only if they are sure absolutely everyone else will be okay with that.

Right.

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Wow, twisting my words much? I was saying nothing of the sort, merely making an observation.

bluetonguegiraffe · 30/12/2024 13:17

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 11:32

Of course they should assert their boundaries, but sometimes in a workplace situation I can see it creating difficulties if the other person decides to get all huffy about it.

And this issue has nothing to do with gender for me btw, so you're way off base with your assumptions in the last two paragraphs.

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Okay. So basically your argument is people should assert their boundaries, but only if they are sure absolutely everyone else will be okay with that.

Right.

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 13:14

DepartingRadish · 30/12/2024 13:00

You said that people have probably worked with others who get huffy and create an atmosphere at work. That doesn't answer my question about when you think it would be OK for OP to speak up and say "no". But no matter.

If someone at work causes an atmosphere because they have very politely been asked not to bother someone, then that's their behavioural problem. If it becomes an enduring issue then it goes to their manager and then on to HR.

Arguably they behave this way precisely because everyone has tiptoed round them and put up with it.

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OP can speak up any time she wants to, that's her right. But if someone does create an atmosphere as a result, do you really think that would be an easy thing to report to a manager/HR? I think it'd be like nailing fog to a table. OP would only have her impression of the other person's manner to go on, and could easily end up being treated like she'd imagined the whole thing, was being oversensitive, or was making stuff up to cause trouble.

ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 13:04

Can you not leave the premises at all at lunchtime?

Unless you're paid for your lunch break, it's your own personal time.

DepartingRadish · 30/12/2024 13:00

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:38

I've answered this in replies to pps.

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You said that people have probably worked with others who get huffy and create an atmosphere at work. That doesn't answer my question about when you think it would be OK for OP to speak up and say "no". But no matter.

If someone at work causes an atmosphere because they have very politely been asked not to bother someone, then that's their behavioural problem. If it becomes an enduring issue then it goes to their manager and then on to HR.

Arguably they behave this way precisely because everyone has tiptoed round them and put up with it.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2024 12:59

Mooetenchante · 30/12/2024 09:14

Can you go out for a walk at lunchtime - if the weathers good - and find a bench to sit on ?

Why should she have to?

And what does she do when the weather's awful?

NPET · 30/12/2024 12:51

Is it predominantly men we're talking about? If so, I know the problem (BOY, do I know the problem!) and I just tell them where to go.

OK I'm 20 and "conventionally pretty" ats, so I guess they expect it, but... aaaaaargh!!

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

That's sort of my point in a way. I don't think it should be on OP in the first place. It sounds like it's her colleagues being socially clueless.

As it sounds like she's going to need to say something, though, I think @Fraaances's suggestion is good: “Guys, I’m not being antisocial… I’m knackered. I came in here for some peace and quiet so I can build up for the rest of the afternoon.”

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 12:48

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:42

Should that really be OP's battle to fight, though? She just wants to do her job and have some peace at lunchtimes some days, she's not responsible for educating her colleagues on their seemingly non-existent boundaries.

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my response was to a comment that the OP shouldn't do anything in case the person caused trouble at work because of it. No she is not responsible for educating her colleagues but she shouldn't worry about how a person will react when she refuses to talk to them because she wants some peace and quiet.

CantHoldMeDown · 30/12/2024 12:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Fraaances · 30/12/2024 12:45

“Guys, I’m not being antisocial… I’m knackered. I came in here for some peace and quiet so I can build up for the rest of the afternoon.”

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:42

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 11:41

Yup and they can be taught not to!

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Should that really be OP's battle to fight, though? She just wants to do her job and have some peace at lunchtimes some days, she's not responsible for educating her colleagues on their seemingly non-existent boundaries.

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:40

InaChristmastizz · 30/12/2024 11:48

I have to agree with @bluetonguegiraffe on this one.

Also anyone who uses the word ‘gender’ instead of ‘sex’ clearly doesn’t understand the first thing about the feminist movement.

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Fuck's sake.

In case you hadn't noticed, OP didn't post about 'the feminist movement' and I don't particularly care what you think about my choice of words.

SadSandwich · 30/12/2024 12:38

I think as PP have said you need to work on your assertiveness.

So each day have something you have prepared in advance so you are prepared- it can be the same thing of different - something like hope you don’t mind but I usually have a million and one things to get sorted so I’m just going to sit over there. Nice to see you and a heads up that I have a few bills I’ve got to pay so will need some privacy. It’s Thursday today so that’s my food order day Im just going to sit over there and get that done. Im listening to my audible today have a good lunch. Im not really up for having a chat today so I’m going to get some quiet time for my lunch today.

thatsgotit · 30/12/2024 12:38

DepartingRadish · 30/12/2024 11:38

Are you seriously suggesting people should avoid politely saying "no", in case the other person takes it badly?

Where's the line for that? If the other person makes offensive comments? If the other person starts nicking their lunch?

Absolutely bonkers.

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I've answered this in replies to pps.

saraclara · 30/12/2024 12:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I really hope that you don't use the hideous 'use your words' in your professional setting.

It's a phrase that needs to die. As a teacher of very young children it was a phrase I had to ban my assistants from using.

BeardofHagrid · 30/12/2024 12:21

I think you should say hi, smile etc, then just go silent. Bury your head in your phone or a book, or simply concentrate on your lunch, and block them out. I don’t think that’s rude, it’s simply you getting on with your break. They will soon get the hint and leave you alone.

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