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Original poster

Privacy on my break at work

233 replies

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

OP posts:
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catgirl1976 · 04/01/2025 19:50

I feel your pain

I sit in my car for this very reason. It’s bliss

saraclara · 04/01/2025 19:50

Tessabelle74 · 04/01/2025 19:45

Go sit in your car, or get some really obvious headphones and just wear them, point at them and shrug if people try talking to you

She doesn't have a car.

Tessabelle74 · 04/01/2025 19:45

Go sit in your car, or get some really obvious headphones and just wear them, point at them and shrug if people try talking to you

NavyTurtle · 01/01/2025 21:41

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

I never eat in the canteen. Not interested in anything that is said in there. Eat at my desk and shut my office door. The odd interruption but on the whole respectful. I get on really well with my colleagues but I just want to read my book at lunchtime.

CrayonCritic5 · 01/01/2025 20:18

Tell them you need the alone time to relax. Tell them you’ll join them on Friday’s.

Winterskyfall · 01/01/2025 19:46

Introverts don't owe extroverts entertainment. Don't feel bad about it, just take back your time. You don't have to socialise in your breaks if that's not what you want.

Winterskyfall · 01/01/2025 19:43

Not unreasonable at all. Some people want space to unwind during their breaks. I'd get some big headphones and just pop them on (no sound required) while I ate as a big leave me alone sign, and if someone sits down just smile and nod and carry on listening to your "music" "podcast" or silence or whatever. You have a right to your owns space and quiet time.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 01/01/2025 19:12

Make your own do not disturb sign draw some pretty flowers on it and point at it if anyone comes near make sure you smile while you’re doing it

Branwells77 · 01/01/2025 18:51

Earphones/headphones you can download calming sounds which ever suits you and you can still read your book
I have being known to be blunt with colleagues before because I’ve just needed that break

satsumaqueen · 01/01/2025 16:47

No advice for you as I’m in a similar situation so this is more a post of solidarity than anything. I very rarely get a full lunch break, I know it’s illegal but at the minute it’s just the way it is as we are so under staffed and have lots of demanding customers to see. When I do go to eat, it’s normally at my desk because I won’t be there long enough to worry about walking to other side of the building to the staff room and every single day, without fail this particular member of staff will interrupt me. I will say ‘Sally (not her real name), I’m just trying to have 10 minutes to eat my food’ and she will say ‘I just have a quick question’ or ‘sorry to bother you’. Some days it’s takes all my strength to sit there and not just tell her to F off.

Ive said to her before, I don’t bother you on your lunch (she always makes sure she has her full hour), so please just respect these 10 minutes of my time so I can eat without someone needing me. I will literally be back out to help in 10 minutes. In one ear out the other. By the end of the day I’m so over hearing her voice I end up wanting to scream.

My NY resolution this year is to ensure I take a full lunch break so I can leave the premises and sit in peace somewhere else. It’s not my problem the company runs understaffed and I’m of the opinion that if enough customers complain they may actually do something about it.

chaosmaker · 01/01/2025 12:16

Then the company was not providing you with your mandatory break.

FenixWinda · 01/01/2025 12:12

I worked for a large IT firm and no matter what you did on your lunch break, staff and some managers saw that as "availability" and took the opportunity to bother you. The worst were those who started off with pleasantries and then spun it round to requests for assistance followed by deadlines - you just knew they had a meeting due and could now tell people they were waiting to hear back from "insert your name here".
When asked on one occasion if I was free, I replied I was on a break so they asked how busy I could be and I told them I was speaking to an undertaker - they waited a moment in silence and asked me to pop by their desk when I was done.
Eventually, I started buying lunch to go and sitting in the car.

WifeOfMacbeth · 01/01/2025 03:40

Women can have boundaries. They can say No. They can point to the sign saying Quiet table.

BrightonFrock · 01/01/2025 03:25

Deeperthantheocean · 31/12/2024 22:11

This, maybe the person is reaching out, has found a connection and desperately wants to chat. Xx

Show quote history

And??

CRD67 · 01/01/2025 01:56

Treat yourself to some conspicuous headphones - you can say you're listening to an audio book or learning a foreign language and cannot speak.

protectthesmallones · 01/01/2025 01:48

Obvious headphones. Face the room, shut your eyes and listen to a pod cast or audio book. They are unlikely to disturb you if they can't make eye contact.

godmum56 · 31/12/2024 22:24

Deeperthantheocean · 31/12/2024 22:11

This, maybe the person is reaching out, has found a connection and desperately wants to chat. Xx

Show quote history

The OP is not a therapist or a support animal.

Deeperthantheocean · 31/12/2024 22:11

mitogoshigg · 30/12/2024 07:57

Could you be sociable some days and not others? They are trying to be inclusive and friendly

This, maybe the person is reaching out, has found a connection and desperately wants to chat. Xx

Deeperthantheocean · 31/12/2024 22:10

Yanbu. Said person needs to go to the social area and chat to other lunch sociable people. Probably she likes your company and wants you to have lunch with her. I used to go to school staffroom when I had a bit more time but otherwise stay in my classroom to get things done, so maybe mix it up a bit and do both? This is how new friendships can be formed, not just work talk. Don't have to be totally recluse every day? Xx

pineapplesundae · 31/12/2024 22:00

Put the quiet sign on your table and do not engage them when they sit down. Nod hello and continue with your own thoughts. Hopefully, they’ll get the idea.

Dunnowhatimat · 31/12/2024 21:51

YANBU. I've been in similar situations. I literally have to try find a corner and try to make myself as small as possible or glued to my phone so not to make eye contact. I want to have work friends in general but sometimes want to be left alone, so this makes it difficult to say to them I want some space as some people take this as an insult.
I don't want to sit in my car, I want space to be left alone for a few mins!

Are there any single spaces in this privacy area? Or even just tables with one seat? Can u maybe mention it to canteen manager that they should create some?

Can you sit with your back to the main area so people can't recognise you so easily?

Thunderlegs · 31/12/2024 21:28

GreenwichMeanieTime · 30/12/2024 06:54

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Get some big obvious headphones and keep pointing to them while smiling and shrugging helplessly to whoever sits down beside you.

Onlyvisiting · 31/12/2024 21:00

Not at all unreasonable, if I was forced to be 'on' the entire day then I'd end up hiding in the toilet just to get some time alone.
If you can't go and eat in your car then ideas woul be:
Is it always the same couple of people? You could Wait them out, don't go to lunch until they have finished.
Sit in the busy area, but deliberately sit next to other people that you don't know so there isn't space for your colleagues. Nod and smile politely then put your headphones on and head down.
Stay in the quiet area, with big noise cancelling headphones. What is the layout? Any way you can sit somewhere with no space to sit near you?
Have some kind of busy work to do, either on paper or on your phone, lift one ear on the headphones, say oh hi, don't mind me, I'm just catching up on some life admin online,' and go back to ignoring them.
Or next time they come and sit with you and ignore you reading your book to talk about work things just laugh and say' I'm not paid enough to think about work on my lunch break, I'll deal with that when I'm back at my desk' and go back to your book/phone.

Blipette · 31/12/2024 20:50

Perhaps pop a pair of earphones in and just pretend your listening to something..?

LalaPaloosa2024 · 31/12/2024 18:01

I hear you OP. For some reason there is always one socially awkward woman at work that decides I am her new best friend. The last one that did this was my manager. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I could not bear her, we had nothing in common and I didn’t want to socialise with her in my time. My colleagues told me on days I WFH she was just foul to everyone and she would find reasons to make me meet with her or spend extra time with her. It was just awful. I left.

Now my team is all men and they do their thing and I do mine. It’s so much easier.

I think you need to be direct from the beginning. Polite, yet direct. In your case I would just eat and go back to your desk as soon as possible so it’s clear you are not you are not there to chat. Otherwise excuse yourself a few mins after they join (if you’ve eaten) and go for a walk. Just break the pattern.