To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

Yep, I know zero women who actually want to do housework. I hate it. I mean, I really, really hate it. But I am not selfish and lazy, so I do my share, always have, and often far more. It's a boring, shit awful job and I was just saying the other day if they bring out an actual functional chores robot I will get one immediately.

Who tends to have Pinterest boards of home decor? Who tends to be putting up shelves? Who tends to be cooing over the new baby?

I have fuck all interest in babies or pinterest boards, and am perfectly capable of putting up a shelf. DH tends to have stronger opinions on decor than me.

Surely not many women are interested in housework either. It is just dull unpaid drudgery. There is nothing interesting about it at all.

Yes, it has to be a generalisation, but it's also true. It's not all men, but it's a lot of them. The decent ones are often silent, out of fear for themselves, disinterest or just plain lack of understanding.

Day in, day out, we - as a society - accommodate fear, a constant background hum that’s simply normalised to us. We, both women and men, live our lives at the mercy of the most aggressive, least empathetic and most selfish men. We have adjusted our entire societies to cope with men's bad behaviour. Women and children are by far the most at risk, but men have to face other men's violence, selfishness, unkindness, laziness and aggressiveness too. Citation - all of all human history.

The thing is, if women suddenly became just as strong and capable of killing men as men are, if all of a sudden, overnight, the sexes were physically equal in strength and speed, I do wonder if we'd be just as bad.

I believe we are a failed species, and unfixable. Sorry, bit grim for this thread/site perhaps. Anyway, I have no answers.

I think in a lot of cases women who post along those lines are in denial. They saw what they wanted to see because they had their baby goggles on.

Or when they post it’s easier to say he was fine beforehand otherwise they get a massive pile on telling them they ignored the red flags and bang goes the thread.

Most people don’t change their behaviour overnight it’s a gradual thing. I agree that there will be the odd case

i agree entirely with your second paragraph

As a woman

I prefer cutting the grass to hoovering, because you can see an immediate impact when cutting the grass

I have a robot hoover

It's definitely not all men. My dad was a better cook and parent, and tidier, than my mum. DH had an immaculate home when I met him and still pulls his weight, and he's a better cook than me.

Most people, when let away with everything, pandered to, and reared lazy, won't turn out well.

@SharpOpalNewt my dad always did fair share of housework and nearly all the cooking as well as working full time. These man bashing threads are so boring. Yes there are plenty of useless men about but they are not all like that.

My dad wasn't like that at all and was born in 1937. He had to help around the house a fair bit though being the eldest and his mum was ill, then died when he was in his teens. He always did housework and looking after me 50/50 with my mum, and they also both worked apart from when I was very small.

DH on the other hand came from a household where both parents worked in professional jobs but his mum ran herself ragged doing everything and his dad even now is almost helpless and can't fend for himself. They are younger than my parents too. DH isn't bad but has to be told to do a lot of things. He does actually do it though at least, and when DDs were little he was very much 50/50 on picking them up/dropping off at childcare etc.And he isn't helpless like his dad.

I would say what we can do if we are mothers of sons not to allow them to fall into weaponised incompetence at least while we have them at home. And demonstrate to our daughters what is acceptable.

@Sosayallofus above…
This part of your post resonated with me.
It’s a sweeping generalisation you’ve articulated it better than I could have done.

“Men, as a sex, are dangerous, lazy and selfish and women, as a sex, keep trying to make progress and keep being beaten and raped and tortured back into the cages men make for us.”

Exactly what I said too. When they get married or have a partner, they revert to what thwy she growing up they feel a woman is created to serve them. My experience of Nigerian is that they actually get married to have someone to cater to them not for "love"

I'm the opposite, my dad did everything and my mum did nothing
He did the laundry, cleaning, cooking etc etc so I wouldn't date anyone that thinks they're not capable of doing that

The wife doesn't have to play along, women have brains. Maybe they could use them once in a while

If they want to play the martyr that is up to them

I think in general men are more selfish than women . They are good at gaslighting and denial. Easily swayed by pretty face . They are not sentimental and get over things and put it behind them quicker . For example look how quickly they get into another relationship after their wife or long term partner dies .

"But why is this?"

They have lazy bastarditis, that's why.

But if they haven't done so already, I expect it won't be all that long before people come along and start passing the buck and blaming women for enabling men's uselessness. That's what usually happens on threads like this. It won't be his fault. Oh no. It will be his mother's fault for not teaching him how to cook and clean, and do housework. It will be his partner's fault for not putting her foot down and insisting that he step up and do his fair share of household chores.

Some people will never put the blame where it really lies, which is with the sexist, misogynistic patriarchal men who believe that the domestic realm is women's work.

And so are some women. I'm one of them. But guess what, I'm here doing it. And acing it. That's the difference.

Many men are fully household trained

Those that aren't we're probably not brought up to be housetrained ... by their parents which included their mothers

It’s only going to get worse, in my opinion. My guess is that the men you’re describing are likely from the very first wave of millennials. And just to be clear, I’m from that same era. We were the first generation to grow up alongside evolving technology—starting with brick phones and transitioning to iPhones and so on.

What you’re describing isn’t an isolated issue; it’s part of a larger trend, and I believe it will only intensify as time goes on. The same applies to girls and women, too. When I look at the younger women in my own family, it’s clear there’s little to no preparation for real-life challenges—and honestly, I’m not sorry for saying it.

Yes. But when they get married they revert to stereotypes A lot of men get married to be "taken care" of by a wife.

Well yes, there is or should be a screening process. I am always reminding my young adult DC that dating is a discovery phase.

It was probably worse when couples didn’t even live together before marriage.

Snap!

Sounds more like people can't divide the labour of life effectively and accept lazy partners.

But why is this?

Because they can. The bar is very low for men and some women have low standards.

If they were kicked to the kerb when they started to coast, they'd either remain single or up their game.

That's true in some cases. However, there are also plenty of posters on here who said that their partner was neat, clean and hands-on till marriage or after having children. So if the signs where not there before, how were they supposed to know that is what their partners were really like if they misrepresented themselves before they felt their female partner was unlikely to leave them?

There is also the fact that men are held to different standards. Women are quickly giving the stink eye if (for example) their kids show up in the wrong colors on "purple shirt day", but with father's this lack of planning is laughed off as in "well, he at least his is trying" or his female partner gets the blame. This external dynamic can easily fester and grow within the relationship as well and before you know it you are now Mrs Disney Dad, responsible for all the non-fun child-rearing tasks.