To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

I'm hoping as newer generations of women challenge this it will get better and eventually become the norm for men to share the load.

I really think the best thing a mother could do for her sons is to teach them how to be domesticated.

Men make me laugh when they complain that their wives dont want sex with them any more - but let me tell you

Treat a woman like your mother and she isnt going to want to screw your brains out, simple as

Parents both men and women need to teach all of their children how to run a house. My parents did. My brothers can cook and clean. I taught my DS how to cook from 12 and not baking which seems to be what my English friends seemed to focus on, actual cooking meals. I’m English but of Chinese descent.

My DS was paid for chores, no chores no pocket money. He can do everything, cook, clean, iron, he can actually clean better than me.

DH did have some housework expectations when we first lived together, they were not met as I refused. His Mother had a housekeeper so he grew up doing nothing. That changed. It’s why it’s good to live together before marrying.

All that mental load stuff? I have never bought a birthday card or gift for any of his family, that’s his job.

Many men are completely apathetic about having a family and ‘family life’ so they allow themselves to be railroaded into it by women desperate for kids, and then the apathy just continues because they weren’t bothered and ‘you were the one who wanted kids and all this, not me’ blah blah blah. Women MUST choose life partners very carefully nowadays or risk being lumbered with everything, including a man-child.

DT’s had chores from being small - starting with tidying up their toys, clothes in the laundry basket, making their bed and moving onto emptying the bins, sorting the recycling, emptying the dishwasher and then cooking meals, doing the laundry and cleaning their room. They didn’t get paid for this - it’s part of being in a family.

I've seen people on here and other social media saying how wrong it is to give children chores, and they should have the freedom to just be children.
That doesn't stand them in good stead longer term though unfortunately.

@CantHoldMeDown not always.
My ds have to do certain chores but others, like clearing their grandmothers garden, they get paid for. Ideally, they'd do it for the love of their grandma, but the reality is they'd rather not but grandma doesn't need to do that so a bribe works wonders.

My ex pretended he couldn't do anything about the house when we first got married. We were both working full time but I was doing everything in top of my job .

Then one drunken night I overheard him bragging to another woman at a party we were at , how his mother taught him to cook , iron , clean and sew so he wouldn't have to rely on a woman .

He could tell by the expression on my face that I had heard everything. His excuse ? " well I could , you let me and you wanted too ".

Things changed after that .

Hysterical much? You need to calm down a bit ..

Haven’t read everything, but I don’t just think that the adage of some men are unprepared is the full story, I think some women are entirely the same. Priorities and perspectives are skewed by too much social media nowadays, and there’s a distinct lack of being able to choose a life partner (if that’s what one wants) as opposed to a sperm donor/good shag and a bit of fun. Successful relationships are built on good judgement, sound communications, shared values and responsibilities, a good bit of tolerance both ways, and it helps if both have practical homebuilding skills, a dual need to start a family, and being intelligent enough to compromise when some of life’s big challenges come along. Get any of these out of balance, and things can start to go badly wrong. You only get one life, so you have to hit some challenges very early in life for things to run smoothly all the way through, otherwise at some point you might see a dream coming to an end and having to make a new start. Never underestimate a little bit of luck as well at various times.

I agree. It's about respect too and not expecting things to be done for you.

From a very young age my DS was taught to tidy up after himself and now, aged 10, it comes naturally to him. As he gets older he'll start to contribute more so hopefully he'll leave home with an idea of what needs to be done to keep a house running and won't expect chores to be done by someone else.

Doing chores from a young is so important. Not only does it teach you skills and the importance of pulling your weight, it also makes you realise how it feels to be lumbered with chores so you're more likely to have empathy around it.

A lot of mothers do everything for their sons but not their daughters and act like they're incapable. It's insulting tbh. I remember my MIL questioning how my partner would possibly cope with his laundry when we first moved in together. Funnily enough he coped fine because he's not an idiot and I certainly wasn't planning on doing it.

As a society, how do we empower women to not accept the default role of domestic slave?

I have asked in the past why women accept lazy men as partners (lazy as in not doing any housework, child related duties etc) and the answers were basically that they want children/a partner so better a lazy one than nothing. Or that they are reproducing what they have witnessed from their parents.

Personally this is hard to understand as - being naturally lazy myself - when I met my now-DH at 25 it never occurred to me that I was supposed to do everything. Instead I would ask if he preferred to cook or do the laundry, or ask at what time he wanted us to clean the flat.
I just don’t get why women shoot themselves in the foot like to begin with.

@JFDIYOLO interestingly, my PIL division of labour is pretty traditional/old-fashioned. They did both work but she did the cooking and cleaning side of things, and he the DIY and garden.

However all three of their children were expected to complete chores, and DH didn't get a free pass for being the only boy. So it's perhaps due to that, that pulling his weight comes naturally to him.
Also it's not like he ever really saw his dad sitting idle being waited on - that man keeps himself constantly busy.

Same. Hell will freeze over before I coo over a baby. They all look like Phil Mitchell imprinted on a potato.

It's not about ability. It's about motivation. Any able-bodied adult can do housework.

Exactly....🤷🏼‍♀️

It's not about ability. It's about motivation. Any able-bodied adult can do housework.

Christ. As long as women like you exist there’s no hope of men as a class improving. That said, every single man I’ve dated has done more housework than me and thinking of my friends’ heterosexual relationships, chores are shared evenly. I can only assume the men in your life are absolute neanderthals.

I am lying in bed with a cup of tea brought to me by my husband. He is now downstairs sorting laundry, emptying the dishwasher etc. 🤷‍♀️

Same.
Also, DS had a friend sleepover last night and DH got up with them and made breakfast.

Yes men and women are biologically different but those biological differences do not extend to the ability to do housework or care for children.

Christ, how I loathe bloody Pinterest. Whenever I do a web search I exclude that boring, tragic site by typing -pinterest - and yep I definitely know how to put up shelves and do a bit of DIY, though my husband being physically stronger than me and taller does more DIY than I do. I mow the lawns, so does he, both of us do yard work and housework, not because we want to but because it needs to be done. It's 50/50 on home decor here, he has strong notions of what he wants and so do I, luckily we mostly converge, but I wouldn't dream of painting or decorating without his input, he'd be really put out.

Same. I absolutely cannot stand housework/cleaning/ironing. Such a waste of time. Were it left to me, I’d pay someone else to do it; apart from ironing as I’m quite happy to wear unironed clothes.

My DH is retired and very domesticated and does over 90% of the housework. He doesn’t want a cleaner as he thinks they’d look through our stuff 🙄😂.