To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

You seem dim im really shocked that you didnt know how lack of finacial understanding is the number 1 devestaing impact women find 5hemselves in divorce or sepration..

You cant be serious its the number 1 topic on mumsnet and one of the reason women can be left in utter straits when divorced.

I think in many cases they were raised this way, my brother was, my wife’s brother was and my best friend’s husband was. Our mums made us cook, clean and do childcare from an early age whereas our brothers were allowed to do nothing and were catered to by us all. I remember having one blazing row with my mum as a teenager about it and she finally admitted she expects me to help her and not my brother “because you’re a girl”. Mums can often be very critical of daughters while praising sons for the bare minimum, while also claiming boys are so much easier to raise, they’re often easier cause much less is expected of them.

My brother does one load of laundry and my mum says he’s the perfect husband and my sister in law is “so lucky”, despite her doing 90% of the domestic labour and working longer hours than him. My best friend’s husband is absolutely useless, but his mum won’t hear a negative thing said about him as apparently “that’s what men are like and she should stop nagging and just get on with it”.

I think behind every lazy useless man is a family who raised him that way.

i worked from home yesterday so I give myself a bit of a lay in, my husband went into the office but I woke up around 5am to him with a face mask on, folding washing and tidying up lol he’s actually more domesticated than I am tbh, he’s tidy, organised, deals with all our bills, does the bins, all the cat litter at the moment as I’m pregnant, does the washing, food shop.. basically everything (I do it all to but we share it totally equally and I don’t have to ask him to do anything, if anything it’s me that sometimes forgets!)

I think it has always been so due to patriarchy. Women are more aware of the significant domestic inequalities in their lives due to feminism and their being more likely to be in paid work which makes the the him-work 40 hours per week her-house and kids 24/7 dynamic even more blatantly inequitable. 'A woman's work is never done' was a phrase I heard when growing up. These days the narrative on social media seems to be suggesting that it's better not to bother if the partner is going to make your life harder and that's certainly a narrative I'll be instilling in my daughters. Apparently the average husband creates 7 hours of domestic work per week. I don't think women with these kinds of partners are martyrs but I do wonder if they've been socialised to think that change isn't possible due to in built gender roles.

It doesn't make sense. No concept? They don't know what those shiny round things are? How can they look all pretty for their man if they don't know how to pay for shoes and nails?

I have never heard of young women having no concept of finances.

It’s why I am too scared to live with one.

I have been lucky in the past but I think What I experienced was a rarity.

And it seems even if they are domesticated before you get together they “forget” those skills once you get together.

He has his house, I shall have mine and everybody is happy!

You are wrong. Most men are totally prepared and suited to domesticity ~ as long as it's provided by a woman and they can swan in when they please, eat, sleep, fart, shit and piss and generally make the place untidy, and then go back to their real lives outside the house.

I'm sorry typos above. women aren't the only ones who need a nurturing skill set. We need men to be raised to take part in child care and both sexes to have a realistic understanding of what it takes to earn the money you need to live the life you want.

Is it fair to say many young women have no concept of finances, and that's much more impactful than men's ability to keep a house? But I think it happens for the same reason: parents: someone who is raising feckless, incapable adults, mums and dads. My son will be cook cleaning alongside us; my daughters will have a solid foundation in real-world finance. Ect. But to be honest, maybe at my age, I don't know men like what she describes. I know very few people who don't both work and who co-parent in full, maybe generationally. Still, it is terrifying to me when women start talking about womens inherent biological roles. Aren't we, as men, trying to move past biological urges and have healthy relationships with both sexes that gave us life? The father is not less important than the mother because he hasn't given birth. A man is the only member of our species that can nurture our young.

Not avoiding as well as I'd like, but better than my parents did, and my DH also makes the kids do quite a lot of stuff so I don't have to!

Human biology isn't fit for modern day purposes, lol.

You probably know far more that are sub-fertile by their early 40s. But either they don’t know themselves, or they do but just don’t share the info.

To suggest that women don’t have a biological clock contradicts all modern medical knowledge and research. There’s a reason that most NHS trusts won’t offer IVF to woman over 42.

I’d also stress that many adoptive mothers who haven’t carried their kids in their womb /breastfed etc love their kids just as fiercely if not more than some biological parents.

I would agree in re: societal expectations and would add that the 'visceral' love for children is expected of women. Not all women feel that after birth and the expectation that they should makes it so much harder to admit when they don't.

I see how much time they spend with their DC’s - they know their likes and dislikes, their favourite games, their friends, take them to doctors appointments, shoe shopping, football practice, coach their basketball team. It’s not difficult to spot good fathers. Our families had great role models in DF and DFil.

Without being in their home 24/7 can you know that they are great fathers?

Edit. Lived experience not loved experience.

I'm not denying your loved experiences and those of other posters her

However with the best will.it the world you would have to accept that the posts on MN will be massively skewed towards women who have shit husbands.

This. It describes my experience exactly, despite your words being described as “distorted” and “misandry”.

I expect I harbour some bitterness but in general I like the men I meet and I am grateful for my wonderful father, brother, brothers in law, nephews and male friends.

The fact remains that societal expectations of men are generally low and some men choose to justify quite terrible behaviour with a “if you can, why wouldn’t you?” attitude. These men simply do not appreciate the privilege of having and caring for children. And they are often unhappy in life and go around creating unhappiness for others.

In my experience men moan when these "touches" are absent. My ex husband would endlessly get pettish and stroppy about "needing to do something about this house" while apparently failing to recognise that he had a part to play in this while I was a) the sole breadwinner b) raising his child almost single handedly.

@Thepeopleversuswork I feel most men don't care for the additions. A throw here, cushions there, plants and lamps and so on.
I care about these things because I want my home to have a 'feel' rather than just be functional. My Dd gets that too but ds never does even though he's been on countless ikea trips with me as well.