To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

Honestly as a woman I feel totally unsuited to domesticity.

@ThejoyofNC You think it’s genetic that men can’t do housework? Seriously?

I definitely am, but I live alone so it's fine

When I was dating a few years ago, there was a clear divide between men who had never lived by themselves, and men who had. It was really stark, the difference in attitudes, abilities, maturity, and a sort of low level realisation that there's no one else to sort your shit out for you. Like me, some of them were messy, disorganised, lower standards than MN would approve of, but ultimately they would sort their shit out, blitz on a sunday, manage their laundry, bills, repairs etc, just like I do.

The other men (my brother included) went from home, to uni, to a houseshare, to living with a woman, then back to mummy post-break up or another houseshare 'to save money'. Unsurprisingly their lives were chaotic, they felt hard done by and resentful, and this 'money' they were 'saving' was none existent as they 'needed' to pay for their nights out/fast car/whatever expensive hobby that Group 1 was more realistic about financially, because ya know, responsibilities.

If I can be bothered to get back into the dating scene in 2025, I want proof they can adult properly early on, and 99% of the time that means living alone.

I think there’s many who just can’t be bothered. It’s hard work and not very interesting so they leave it to someone else. In the past all men were out working long hours so it didn’t notice as much. Also there was more societal pressure on men to work, do household jobs such as cutting grass, etc

Was just coming to say the exact thing!

Because men and women are genetically different. And as much as society had decided they they are now exactly the same, they really aren't.

Newsflash OP - some women are slobs too!!

I’ve seen men at both ends of the spectrum.

My boss for example is extremely capable, both at work and (I think) at home. The same skills that make him successful at work appear to make him a successful husband and father. He has self discipline and work ethic and is able to do an extremely demanding job and then leave work in time to be home for his kids when they get in for school. And then log in again.

Then I know men who barely work and yet don’t do any housework either.

It's mumsnet. You generally only hear from unhappy people. Happy and/or content people don't have much reason to start threads about their spouses, families etc.

Similarly one could ask questions about why are so many women not being able to deal with life basics and being doormats in general. They are not. It's just that there is no reason to start a thread about how you didn't shake because someone knocked on your door, how you are ok driver or can do serious DIY and have an ok family🤷

No one can judge any parts of popular based on MN posts really.

No, men can easily learn domestic chores, they just don't fancy it. Women have always worked for pay, often shitty pay so if their husbands spent all the family money whoring or on drugs or drink etc they could feed their kids, so it has nothing at all to do with a change in roles.

The bottom line is the internet. It's fucked up generations of men. Men were always much more violent and unpredictable than women, and because they got away with behaving badly many did. The decent men have to become more aggressive just to survive in the toxic world the angry men create. And it's gotten far, far worse with their constant 24 hour exposure to women being anally raped, beaten strangled, under the pretence of sex and the other things that are freely and easily available on the terrifying shit show of the internet.

There's a ton of information out there about how bad the internet is for kids, teenagers, adults, how horribly bad what passes for porn nowadays is. It's not a debate anymore, it's all easily proven - but nobody seems to care.

I was born and nearly 30 before the internet took over. The world, from porn to entertainment is far different, and far worse, especially in the last ten to fftteen years.

Men, as a sex, are dangerous, lazy and selfish and women, as a sex, keep trying to make progress and keep being beaten and raped and tortured back into the cages men make for us.

And literally everyone has a Not my Nigel exception, including me. several in fact. Doesn't matter, the points stand.

There's no answer, or way to fix it. We're a failed species.

Not all men are like that. The feckless ones that are are probably more likely to inspire their wives/partners to need to seek advice on the internet though. My partner is a great man, well house trained, holds down a job, is a caring father and provides for his children, but I'm not likely to start a thread about that. Maybe I should, for balance :)

Yes but they're doing it wrong

You do realise there are men who actually live on their own and are perfectly capable fully independent grown adults, both straight and gay men

I guess in the old days blokes would be down the mine for 10 hours and then back home for dinner. At least that’s what would have been happening in my family. No one would have been asking them to sift out the cat litter