To feel that many men are totally unprepared and unsuited to domesticity?

@ThejoyofNC dude, you've just told a public forum you married an actual adult who is incapable of basic domestic tasks.

I don’t know any in my immediate circle - I have lots of men in my close friendship group (mixed group that met at university) and all are decent partners, hard workers, kind and good fathers, as is my own husband and as was my own father.

However, now that I have kids and am mixing outside my own circle more with other mothers, including my step DC’s mother, I’ve been quite shocked at how completely fucking pointless a lot of men are. SDD’s step dad does nothing. Has a job, but does absolutely nothing else - no cooking, no cleaning, no admin and doesn’t drive so it all falls on mum - and there are three biological kids of his own in that house, including two with additional needs. Women at toddler group and at my voluntary organisation whose partners have never looked after their kids solo and don’t know how.

These women are all bright and capable, many holding down stressful jobs or even being the main breadwinner on top of all the domestic chores. It’s quite mind boggling.

The common thread is that all these men who seem useless seem to spend an inordinate amount of time gaming.

I would be a bit surprised if your partner wasn’t house trained! Most adults go to the toilet.

What on earth would he do if you weren't around? Enabling men to be useless isn't good for anyone.

It's just excuses for men to be lazy. No. I don't accept internet porn is an excuse to be a useless partner.

@sosayallofus Fancy running for PM?!

Where is the need to be so vulgar?

You do what works for you. I obviously come from a different culture to you. My husband had never cooked/cleaned anything in his life. It comes naturally to me to be at home and to him to go out and earn a living.

As the OP said "Spending hours gaming...incapable of regulating their emotions, violent outbursts, dick-led decisions, expecting Mummy 2.0 from their wives, utterly lacking in empathy and care during pregnancy, labour, newborn baby & toddler years, father fails ...

Probably best you read the original post and my actual response before commenting.

@Sosayallofus wtf has internet porn got to do with the ability to cook, clean and generally look after yourself?

Sorry to say but it's also women being martyrs. Everyone that I know with useless partners are 100% martyrs. Those who have capable partners don't put up with shit. That's been my experience at least.

I think they want different things at home… people clash…different upbringing.

its easier to live without a partner on you’re own terms.

Nope, just facts. Kids today are accessing porn at age 11 on average. Young people's brains, cognitive abilities, ability to concentrate, what they consider normal, mental health and even physical health and more besides are absolutely destroyed by constant scrolling and the messages being received. Girls think anal rape and being treated like a pornbot is normal and boys are demanding more and more extreme things all the time from girls. Adults are grooming kids online all the time, psychos are everywhere online and your kids are viewing them. These are just the facts.

Your answer is lazy because the reality is scary.

And I already said there are exceptions. The post is about general trends.

https://www.bartleby.com/73/195.html
https://www.unicef.org/stories/social-media-bad-teens-mental-healthhttps://www.aacap.org/AACAP/FamiliesandYouth/FactsforFamilies/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx
https://medium.com/r/?
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/screen-time-brain
https://www.businessinsider.com.au/screen-time-effects-health-vision-staring-at-screens-bad-for-you-2019-1?r=US&IR=T
url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.aacap.org%2FAACAP%2FFamiliesandYouth%2FFactsforFamilies%2FFFF-Guide%2FChildren-And-Watching-TV-054.aspxhttps://healthmatters.nyp.org/what-does-too-much-screen-time-do-to-childrens-brains/#:~:text=Early%20data%20from%20a%20landmark,experienced%20thinning%20of%20the%20brain's
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2737909
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6214874/
https://www.eehealth.org/blog/2016/02/too-much-screen-time-and-kids-mental-health/
https://time.com/5437607/smartphones-teens-mental-health/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/
https://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/parents-need-to-start-talking-to-their-tweens-about-the-risks-of-porn/
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1077801210382866
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/07/magazine/teenagers-learning-online-porn-literacy-sex-education.html
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/social-media-narcissism/
https://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1073&context=dignity
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23320871/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3214398/
https://medium.com/r/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.scientificamerican.com%2Farticle%2Fpeople-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings%2F
https://nutrition.org/internet-use-and-obesity/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20authors%2C%20%E2%80%9Cfindings,compared%20to%20the%20most%20infrequent

Oh me too. I do like a clean house. Just as well there are people who clean for a living. Best money I'll ever spend.

My husband is a modern day miracle then. Of course men can do housework, what exactly do you think is preventing them? A penis so giant they can't reach the worktop to wipe them? It's just they've organised life to suit them, making use of their size and power to keep women in drudgery. This is learned behaviour. There's no natural reason for men to not be able to run a house.

If I was your partner, I'd be livid at being referred to as 'house trained'.

that day we were meant to be going somewhere and I was waiting for the washing machine to finish and to hang stuff before leaving, and he was getting irritated with waiting. Prick.

Tbf that would irritate me too. I know waahing machines lie about times but I simply would put wash in when nothing is planned

Yes I absolutely do. So did everyone in history until fairly recently.

My ex thought I enjoyed doing housework “because you’re always doing something, every day!” Luckily we didn’t live together - that day we were meant to be going somewhere and I was waiting for the washing machine to finish and to hang stuff before leaving, and he was getting irritated with waiting. Prick.

Some men are lazy and selfish and live in mess. So do some women, but probably far fewer. Plenty of men can live normally though, especially those who work. I refuse to believe that men who can rewire a plug, or have memorised football statistics or what all those little Warhammer statues are called or who can drive a train or HGV don’t know how to operate a washing machine. It’s laziness and disinterest.

They're men, not feral cats and I can't think of a single household task that needs particular genitalia. Fuck giving men excuses to be useless. They're perfectly capable of running a home, it's just dull and they'd prefer not to. Tough!

There’s another thread recently about ‘men and women are different’. They are.

Think what motivates people. We are mammals who have evolved to succeed in reproducing and caring for our young. So men compete against other men for women and feel a constant need to seek status and new women to reproduce with. Women need to create stability and security for their existing young.

The smarter men will recognise the benefits of investing in their existing families. The smarter (or luckier) women will pick those men. The rest of us have to cope - or increasingly just choose not to play the game. Have some children and rely on the government instead of the father or just not have any.

Women all over the world who have options are increasingly not picking these selfish men and they’re not happy about it. They want sex and servitude and they’re bigger than us so that’s the way societies have evolved. The old pressures on men to behave better (religion and shame) are disappearing in the West so it’s not great out there for women.

Marriage was invented for a reason! Pick carefully before getting pregnant.

Not a man hater at all btw. I have a son and know it’s not easy to be a man.

@Sosayallofus it's easy but lazy to blame the internet. There are plenty of us on here who will never have seen the sexual violence that exists on the internet because we have no interest in seeking it out. It's a choice some men make but they were creating and seeking out this stuff long before the internet. The rest of us are just more aware of what they are up to now and there are places like Mumsnet where people can get advice on how to escape these men.

Yep. Loathe it. I just loathe filth more.

Me too!

Me too!

I wouldn't use MN as your barometer for the overall picture. As a PP said, you don't tend to get people posting about their contentment with the everyday division of dull tasks.