Can't help but be jealous

You're only in your late 20s! I have 3 kids and I hadn't even met my husband at your age. You've got plenty of time to grow your family - I would focus on enjoying life with your daughter and all the other good things in it, and see what happens :)

Could you maybe try to expand your social life a bit, meet people in happy, functional relationships. If you are going to waste time feeling envy, it should at least be aimed at someone who isn't a total train wreck.

Find other single mothers with only children, go on day trips and holidays with them so the kids have a cousin like bond. Prioritise this over finding a man, it will be more rewarding!

Stick to the one child and focus on educating her so she never for one moment has your limited and depressing aspirations.

Children are a blessing

I hate this blanket term. You are making the assumption that every woman wants a child.

They are only a blessing if you want them. For some people they aren't a blessing at all.

Children are a blessing, but being a single unemployed parent to 3 kids is hard, and I’m shocked you envy that.

id understand if you were envious of those single mums in a good career, financially stable or affluent, , or in a stable loving relationship etc. but of an unemployed work shy woman who has multiple kids , should never be seen a aspirational. And it’s sad you think it is.

I wouldn't base this decision on your DD wanting a sibling. My oldest loves being the oldest, middle hates having siblings at all and youngest begs for another so he isn't the youngest. You'll never please everyone.

If you want more children, do you want that in a relationship? Maybe you could prioritise making some time for you to date and see how that goes?

I was a single parent for a while, bits of it are amazing but most of it is lonely and a scary slog of knowing every chore and decision rests with you. It's not clear from your post if you have always been a single mum or you had a partner who wasn't great. Sharing parenting with someone who is present and invested is a different world.

I agree. I would question the mindset of someone who aspires to this.

This sounds like a bizarre setup. What is her exs role in all this ? Why on earth would he agree to this and why would she want this ? You are young and have plenty of time to meet someone in the future and have a baby. And even if you don’t your dd will be fine.

She is not with the girls father but she does go back with him to get pregnant so they all have the same dad and then they seperate when she gets the positive test.

Being jealous of this is wild.

The world of mumsnet has opened my eyes to all sorts of behaviour but honestly your friend has left me utterly speechless.

Everyone knows relationships break down and things go wrong but to actively and knowingly not once but twice go to have another child with someone who you know won't be there for you.

Children are really expensive. To actively and knowingly have a third child when you are not working and cannot financially support them. It's unthinkable.

And then for op to be jealous of that set up.

Focus on your child, and making the best possible life for you both.

You are young, you may meet someone and fall in love and decide to have another child.

I've got 3 siblings and there's varying degrees of drama & stress involved now they're adults as well as when we were kids. We're all on a low contact break from each other atm if this helps. It's not all sweetness and light.

Your friend sounds awful.
People on MN hate 'benefit bashing' but she's exactly what's wrong. The fact you can have a baby every 5 years and never need to work.

The whole setup sounds utterly grim and dysfunctional.

You are jealous of someone who breeds like a rabbit? Where is your self respect?

This!

My thoughts exactly. Absolute nonsense post!

They get over it OP, DD15 used to say that a lot as a young child. Now she says she is glad. Most of her mates whinge about their siblings.

It's meant I can afford private school, good holidays etc only having one.

I'm a lone parent, can't imagine how challenging it would be with more than 1.

Gross. Your friend is a dickhead.

If you got pregnant right now your dd would be around 6 years old when 'the sibling' was born?
When kids say they want a sibling they tend to envisage a ready made friend of their own age... that ship has definitely sailed for you as your dd will be too old to play and will have different interests to her toddler sibling.
Your friend is a chav (sorry, I know mn hates this word but it is a perfect description of this woman). I thought we had gone past the days of repeated breeding to avoid working and letting the taxi payer fund this 'lifestyle'.
I wouldn't be jealous of her, I wouldn't be able to be her friend though as I wouldn't be able to disguise my disgust at her life choices.

I wouldn’t be jealous of that op. Poor children, Daddy pops back to get mummy pregnant and then off he goes.

Surely you have other dreams?

Could you ask your dds father for some sperm?

Op, your post about your friend made me feel queasy. Honestly, set the bar higher that is nothing to aspire to.

She is not with the girls father but she does go back with him to get pregnant so they all have the same dad and then they seperate when she gets the positive test.

That doesn't sound like a situation to be jealous of; basically using the dad as a sperm donor. She isn't likely to find a fulfilling relationship with anyone else while she's returning periodically to get pregnant and in the long term, bringing up three children by herself is going to be a tough slog.

Or shopping for a new baby. It makes it sound like having babies is like buying groceries.

I just find the idea of it so distasteful.

Not sure if this has been mentioned but there is a 2 child cap on benefits so your friend may be financially struggling if she has not made allowances for that.
Not child Ben