Can't help but be jealous

Having a sibling means nothing. I havnt spoken to mine in 9 years. There is no guarantee they will grow up besties.
I also wouldn't be jealous of a friend like that. He life sounds chaotic and she's lazy. You will show your daughter strength and what it means to stand on your own two feet.

Wow. Imagine being jealous of a societal burden like that.

I didn’t say she was.

Op I really hope that this thread has made you realise how sad your friends set up is. Three children knowingly and willingly created to a father who wants nothing to do with them

Please use this as a spur to widen your social circle and your aspirations

A single parent to 3 young kids, doesn't work and uses the ex as a sperm bank? Can't see anything to be jealous of

@Comedycook You've massively misunderstood my point. By a country mile

@MummytoE Unless you're a widow, you've no idea!!!

I'm sorry that my comment upset you. I was speaking only in respect of the OP's situation, and her friend's. It was not directed at women who've been widowed.

And I was speaking, honestly, of my own experience as a child, well aware that I didn't have a loving father like most of my friends at school. My mother wasn't a warm person, either.

As an adult, I knew I would never have a baby unless in the context of an emotionally (and financially) solid, stable, loving marriage. I never met the right man at the right time, and so I have no children.

Similarly, I waited decades to have a cat because I wouldn't have one until I could afford to move to a house with a garden and not near a main road.

I am just acutely conscious of the responsibilities one has as a 'caregiver', having been neglected.

I know - it sounds like the animal kingdom not the real world. Not the best role model 😳.

Ok, but you're definitely reaching

@VegTrug I’ve also become a single parent after being widowed and yet nothing that the PP said was some personal offence against single parents, she just shared her experience and what it felt like to her.

Personally, my DD enjoys being an only child. If anything she’d be pissed off to share the spotlight.

I was worried for a while but having siblings is no guarantee they’ll get along and frankly my most successful friends are all coincidentally only children. Only children develop their own ways of dealing with it, it’s not the end of the world. Certainly better than multiple children with a struggling single parent.

Yes but anyone can get themselves knocked up by some loser...that's hardly an achievement or very difficult.

Waiting to meet a decent man to potentially have another child with is of course much harder and takes longer...but is the better option.

If the op lowered her standards enough she took can achieve the remarkable feat of getting pregnant by a useless bloke

I bet the friend's setup isn't that unusual considering the stigma that comes with having kids with different dads.

OP read what everyone is saying here. The life of your friend and her children is not enviable my any right thinking person's standards. Concentrate on giving you and your daughter the best possible life you can. You are still young and will be a much more attractive option to a decent fella if you have your shit together without a whole brood and some POS ex waiting on the sidelines.

I think a lot of you are intentionally missing OP's point. I read it that she's not saying she's envious of the 'getting back with an ex in order to get pregnant so she doesn't have to work' aspect. It's the having 3 siblings so close together and not having to go through the 'dating whilst a single parent' minefield, then once you’ve finally met someone, dating them for a year before introducing them to current DC then building the relationship long enough to reach the stage of starting to try for a baby etc etc’ in order to be able to achieve another child. I can totally relate to this feeling of wishing I could have another DC without having to go through all of that. I am however, not envious of OP’s friend!

I'm a widowed single parent and dating when your DC doesn't go to their other parent X days per week and is therefore with you every single day, is a lot tougher than it sounds.

I'm not 'reaching' for anything. Mentioning a family set up that many, many people find themselves in after a death and saying "it was miserable" is no different than someone saying "my parents were two gay men/two women/disabled and it was miserable" - none of which would be tolerated.

That seems like a very strange situation to be envious of. Seems utterly irresponsible too.

Have you thought about fostering you get
£1400 a month and a ton of hardworking/ satisfaction
I used to foster years ago and I’d love to do it again

@VegTrug you’re reaching

Where did OP say she was on benefits!?

@RogueFemale I hated not having a father, mother / normal family. And just being this miserably small 'family unit'. It was lonely and horrible.

Why the actual fuck would you come on here and say something like that when you know full well that there's widows on here (like myself) who had no option of having a subsequent children due to their husbands DYING.

How unbelievably nasty of you to hurt & make to feel guilty, hundreds of mothers, if not thousands just to make a point. Breathtakingly thoughtless & selfish

I don’t think what your friend does is ideal, but they are adults and have made their choices. You could in theory go out and find a ‘sperm donor’ if you’re desperate for another child and don’t care about being a single parent…it wouldn’t be my choice though.

This.

For god's sake, they are people, not dolls. Do you think being born into that dysfunctional, disadvantaged shitshow is positive or healthy?

It's antisocial and they'll probably just perpetuate the toxic cycle. I despair sometimes.

Oh, for goodness sake. You’ve described an absolute shitshow. If you’re ’jealous’ of this, you really need to self reflect. Because what the actual fuck?!

You’re in your 20’s. There is absolutely no reason you can’t have another child. Stop being ridiculous and go live your life.

It's that simple because she has low standards.