Page 2 | How bad a parent am I?

tryingtokeepmyheadabovewater · 2024-12-29T23:21:31+00:00

Dc now 11. Prior to this, they went to bed and the rest of the evening was "my childfree time". Something I value greatly. No family nearby for childcare support. I fit my work into mornings, to be around to be able to do school pickups, homeworks, clubs etc (three children). Eldest now ready to stay up later (up until last year bedtime was 9pm, now 9.30 and dc pushing for later). I'm really struggling with this tbh. It leaves me very little of the evening childfree. It means I'm doing productive tasks tired or feels too late to start something enjoyable for myself to relax etc Am I being very selfish over my time? If I'm honest, I'm actually resenting my eldest being up later. Which I feel so bad about. I should view it as an opportunity for 1-1 time (other siblings younger). But I am desperately craving me time. Any tips?

Gcsunnyside23 · 29/12/2024 23:48

ZippyBlueViper · 29/12/2024 23:43

I had this issue, I'm very hands on attentive mum during day but by evening i want my own space to unwind!
I think 930 is a little late for an 11 year old, but i could be wrong.
My dd is 13 what works for us is into her room at 7pm every night. She can use her phone to catch up with friends etc till 8pm then 8pm phone off. From 8pm till 9pm she can watch TV, draw, read, practice make up looks whatever but tv lights everything off at 9pm. On a weekend it's same but everything off at 930.
Could you do something like this so your dc gets time but you get space?

Your 13 year old goes go bed at 9?

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 29/12/2024 23:46

ZippyBlueViper · 29/12/2024 23:43

I had this issue, I'm very hands on attentive mum during day but by evening i want my own space to unwind!
I think 930 is a little late for an 11 year old, but i could be wrong.
My dd is 13 what works for us is into her room at 7pm every night. She can use her phone to catch up with friends etc till 8pm then 8pm phone off. From 8pm till 9pm she can watch TV, draw, read, practice make up looks whatever but tv lights everything off at 9pm. On a weekend it's same but everything off at 930.
Could you do something like this so your dc gets time but you get space?

Your 13 year old is just in her room from 7pm every night?

ZippyBlueViper · 29/12/2024 23:43

I had this issue, I'm very hands on attentive mum during day but by evening i want my own space to unwind!
I think 930 is a little late for an 11 year old, but i could be wrong.
My dd is 13 what works for us is into her room at 7pm every night. She can use her phone to catch up with friends etc till 8pm then 8pm phone off. From 8pm till 9pm she can watch TV, draw, read, practice make up looks whatever but tv lights everything off at 9pm. On a weekend it's same but everything off at 930.
Could you do something like this so your dc gets time but you get space?

SalmonEile · 29/12/2024 23:33

Does eldest share a room with the youngers?
do they want your time and attention? Would they be happy just doing their own thing in their room until later

I understand where you’re coming from - my eldest gets the least of my attention during the day and I need to make the time for them but my god I’m tired too by night !
could you compromise and allow them to stay up weekends and say one or two nights out of the week?
You get the time together and some time to yourself

ForeverTipsy · 29/12/2024 23:25

Can you spend five mins "tucking them in", ie full attention, listening, asking them about their day/worries etc, hug and kiss and tell them you love them...then leave them to read/draw for half an hour or so in their room whilst you have your child free time?

Child free time is important, and sounds like you need it most evenings to unwind and relax (self care). That's absolutely fine. Don't feel guilty about it. Quality over quantity imo.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2024 23:24

Not bad at all!

PreferMyAnimals · 29/12/2024 23:23

At that age they can occupy themselves a bit so you can do your own thing. You don't have to be spending all that time with them.