Can men be content without children

@MrsDFcooking The only other option for a man with any sort of reliability is condoms.

The worst are the completely absent fathers who strike up a relationship with their teenagers out of the blue. I know of a few single mums this has happened to, it's a total piss take.

Why? It is no different to women who don't want kids not wanting to be sterilised. There are other options aside from surgery to avoid pregnancy.

You have to take his word for it, don't doubt that he knows what he wants.
What are your other choices? Sabotage the relationship now because he might want kids? He might be infertile. He might drop dead. Enjoy the now.

I can well believe that @Jennyjennyitsabox !

So perhaps the reality for most of us is that our Dads want us around now that we’re adults, but were less bothered when we were kids?

I'm always surprised the amount of men that "definitely don't want kids" but yet would never consider a vasectomy!!

Of course they can. My husband always assumed he would have kids because that's just what everyone did, not bc he particularly wanted them, but I've always known that I never wanted them and this is the first thing I told him when we got serious. He said he was fine with it. Now years later he constantly tells me how happy he is that we didn't ruin our lives with children and how miserable all of his friends with kids are. He is definitely glad we never had them and 100% prefers it. Trust what he says.

This was literally exactly us as well. DH said he never specifically wanted children but assumed that whoever he married would. He was more than happy not to take that path.

@Oreyt

I’m saying that the potential of his being away quite frequently, especially if he was posted to a squadron rather than a bay, was a factor in cementing our decision, along with the others I’ve mentioned, in not having children.

Just like everyone who has the conversation about children, to have or not to have, will consider many factors personal to that couple.

Equally, there could be plenty of couples where one of them has no issue with the other being away for possibly months at a time. I was not, am not, a member of one of those couples.

Personally some people prefer the freedom etc without having them

I know so many men who weren't arsed with their kids during the hard work years, but suddenly are 'proud dad' etc. when they are non dependent.

@Notateacheranymore

Fine if you don't want kids.

But your husband being in the RAF shouldn't affect that. My DH has been a Marine 22 years and we have teens.

This is totally off topic for the OP's original question, but if what @Tuftykitten says is true for most men, does that mean that most of our Dads don't really want us? That we've been in the way since we were born?

Most men don't want kids, imo.
Kids get in the way of them getting laid, that's why.

I know men who wanted children but whose partner didn’t and they chose the relationship without children. They are happy - although they haven’t decided that they are better without kids.

I know men who want children and wouldn’t be happy without kids. And so kids are a dealbreaker for them.

I know men who didn’t want kids, ended up having kids, and love their kids to bits. Some happy that this was where life took them, others love the kids but it wasn’t really an upgrade for them.

I know men that clearly regret that kids didn’t happen for them for whatever reason.

OP if more kids are a definite no for you, you’ve 2 choices. Make the decision for your partner and separate. Or leave the decision to him to be in the relationship without kids. Personally the latter makes more sense. You’ve been honest - he gets to choose. He may one day regret staying - but everyone might one day regret choices they’ve made in their life.

(he might not want his own kids and so a partner that’s openly saying no more kids could be a plus)

So why don’t you believe him? I’m a woman who doesn’t want children and never has and I’d be incredibly pissed off tbh if I had a partner who kept doubting me when I told them this.

Exactly this.

Yes.

Of course they can. My husband always assumed he would have kids because that's just what everyone did, not bc he particularly wanted them, but I've always known that I never wanted them and this is the first thing I told him when we got serious. He said he was fine with it. Now years later he constantly tells me how happy he is that we didn't ruin our lives with children and how miserable all of his friends with kids are. He is definitely glad we never had them and 100% prefers it. Trust what he says.

I have two older teenage DDs and my OH doesn’t have any. He is more than happy with having no children of his own but he does enjoy the company of my girls.

I think probably more than half of men are unbothered about children but would have them if their partner wanted. A smaller amount are anti kids and probably around the same proportion actively want them. If they do want them, they'll make it known.

I had a brief relationship with a male primary school teacher and when I mentioned I was never intending on having children, I was kindly but swiftly dumped. He had a plan to marry and have children within the next few years and I clearly didn't fit with his life choices as he was very family and child oriented. I wish him all the best.

My DH and l went through 13 years of infertility and 2 miscarriages before we had our two girls .
We had given up trying tbh and both of us reached a state of contentment especially my DH after he saw what the miscarriages did to my MH . So l can say with all honesty that it is perfectly possible he is happy with the status Quo .
My best friend had 2 beautiful step children and had a vasectomy to prevent his wife having to go through another pregnancy because she was so ill . He has never had any doubts and loves the 2 step children as if they are his own . Take heart OP.

You're looking for a one-size-fits-all rule when there just isn't one. Some men actively want to be child-free, just as some women do. Some men actively want to be parents, just as some women do. And many people are somewhere in the middle, where they don't necessarily mind and would rather have a good relationship.

Some people also change their minds, and that goes both ways. And a lot of people don't change their minds. You can't predict or control that.

He says he's never had a burning desire for children and would rather be with the right person. He has been consistent with this.

All you can do is actually believe what someone you love tells you. That's kind of a prerequisite for being in a relationship with them. I'm child-free and would have honestly found it quite wearing if, when we met, DP refused to believe me and refused to commit because he thought I'd change my mind.

Of course. Many women can too. Whether your partner is one of them no one can tell. Not even him in all honesty as people change their minds. However, given the poor rate of success of relationships in general, if he's telling you it's not an issue now, then you haven't anything to lose by going ahead based on this. If he changes his mind he will have the choice to leave. But as I said, relationships end all the time for multiple reasons, so you're taking no more if a gamble than anyone else.

DH and I are childless - I’m infertile now past it anyway. We discussed it in the past before we knew for definite I couldn’t and he said he married me not any hypothetical children we might have had. I genuinely believe he’s happier that we didn’t have children. However that’s because I know him & his issues about family extremely well

at the end of the day, there are no guarantees, all you can do is trust him to be honest with wth you