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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

215 replies

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 19:36

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 29/12/2024 20:07

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable

people change their mind I guess you both have to decide if your relationship can move on without another baby if he really wants to have more children

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 29/12/2024 19:59

Why do you think you might be being unreasonable? Confused

Tohaveandtohold · 29/12/2024 19:57

Has he always brought this up, so like over the years but you’ve not wanted it and now he’s feeling it’s now or never type of thing?
My friend had a child early in life and when she met her current husband, he had none and has always said he would like 2 children. They had a daughter together and my friend said she’s done as there’s 2 children but her h has always wanted another ( because currently he still technically has 1). Their joint DD is now 11 and he still wants another, not sure if he’ll ever stop asking.
Anyway, Yanbu, 14 is close to being fully independent, I can’t imagine starting again.

Calamitousness · 29/12/2024 19:53

YANBU but he is also NBU. Just a different view on life moving forward. I’d suggest you are no longer compatible. If he wants children then he should leave and have them with someone who wants them. You shouldn’t be forced or coerced into having a child you don’t want. Good luck to you both. Tough times ahead.

Michelle12A · 29/12/2024 19:52

You said no. Why did you feel the need to start a thread???

TwinkleLights24 · 29/12/2024 19:45

My DD is almost 16 and I would like another but part of me thinks it’s a hormonal thing but I’m still early 30s so still on the cards.

Maybe men have the same ‘it’s now or never’ feelings.

Jingleberryalltheway · 29/12/2024 19:44

I very much doubt your DD would want a crying baby or toddler around while she is trying to revise.

Paradoes · 29/12/2024 19:44

Surely he should have brought this up when your child was about 2 ?

crazy to bring this up now at 40 (obviously if you started you family in mid 30s that’s understandable )

FloofyPaws · 29/12/2024 19:44

Why does he suddenly want a baby? Will he be a SAHD or do the majority of the care?

rubyslippers · 29/12/2024 19:43

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

Then he’s an arse
as he already has a family

rubyslippers · 29/12/2024 19:43

What’s brought this on?
were you both one and done?
FWIW im with you - at 40 and with one child so near to adulthood, I wouldn’t be starting it again

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

KiraNerys1 · 29/12/2024 19:39

If one out of 2 doesn't want a baby, then there is no baby

PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2024 19:38

Doesn't sound like much of a dilemma. I don't often vote but no I don't think you are being U.

Is he thinking he will leave?

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2024 19:38

It's would be a no from me. Especially with dd so close to being independent. Two or three more years you can have some fab adult only holidays

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