Page 7 | My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

itsalldownhillfromhere · 2024-12-29T19:36:17+00:00

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

ACynicalDad · 29/12/2024 20:56

15 year age gap is ridiculous. Look forward to freedom.

Radio4head · 29/12/2024 20:55

Darling Daughter.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 29/12/2024 20:55

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

Did this need to be said?
Do you feel you’ve helped force op into having a baby she doesn’t want, or do you just enjoy saying negative things to people?

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:54

GlowinginHxll · 29/12/2024 20:53

What is a DD. Sorry Im new here

Dear Daughter

There's a list of acronyms somewhere, I'll try and find them for you.

GlowinginHxll · 29/12/2024 20:53

What is a DD. Sorry Im new here

Sometimeswinning · 29/12/2024 20:50

Mince3141 · 29/12/2024 20:45

I think you should have the conversation to understand what's driving this. It doesn't sound like it's necessarily about the baby, maybe he just wants to feel needed again or something?

I say the same when a woman wants the third baby (usually) The replies are always no is the winning answer. Never to sit down as a couple and see what is going on.

I always think my need was to get a job/life outside the kids because the second child had gone off to nursery. Dh didn’t check in with me and after months of crying and begging we had a third! I’m so pleased we didn’t have that chat I guess as dd3 wouldn’t be here.

Applepoop · 29/12/2024 20:48

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

Well, yes, if he’s a selfish prick - who would break up their 14yo dd’s home/family just for the fantasy of “another baby”. If he is that selfish and stupid, op would be ill advised to have another baby with him anyway.

Original poster

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:48

@Mince3141 I have asked it’s because of the recent friend baby announcments, him turning 40, he hated being an only child. Our daughter has even told him she doesn’t want a sibling with such a big age gap.

OP posts:

FoxtonFoxton · 29/12/2024 20:47

FUCK NO.
I'm 43 and mine are 19 and 17. The idea of having a baby again and going through all the stages (nappies, preschool etc) is horrifying to me.

Mince3141 · 29/12/2024 20:45

I think you should have the conversation to understand what's driving this. It doesn't sound like it's necessarily about the baby, maybe he just wants to feel needed again or something?

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2024 20:45

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:43

I'm not sure that makes it particularly common, but fair enough.

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Nah, fair maybe common is overstating it. But it happens. Men wanting any excuse to leave without being seen as the bad guy.

Echobelly · 29/12/2024 20:44

Nope, I would not want to go back to the baby stage or to childcare fees, especially when you're just getting to the time of not being as tied to your DC. Also pregnancy being harder and riskier.

Original poster

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:43

@Pinkbonbon I have no concerns there.

OP posts:

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:43

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2024 20:42

Seen it a few times on here over the years.

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I'm not sure that makes it particularly common, but fair enough.

Oneflightdown · 29/12/2024 20:43

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:36

@Patienceinshortsupply he knows fine well why it’s a no. As well as agreeing to be one and done in the early days of our relationship I nearly lost my life during labour and was then very clear that never again.

Then he actually is being really unreasonable in bringing this up now.

Brefugee · 29/12/2024 20:43

Porcuporpoise · 29/12/2024 20:27

If the sexes were reversed then everyone would agree with him. Fwiw I think you owe him a conversation even if the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

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no they wouldn't.

The sensible voices always say on life changing decisions it needs to be too yesses, or the no wins. Pets, babies, emigrating to australia ... MN is pretty consistent on this.

Original poster

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:42

@Snowmanscarf no they’re the same age.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2024 20:42

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:41

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

Is it?

Where have you learned this from?

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Seen it a few times on here over the years.

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:41

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2024 20:40

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

It's obvious you don't want another kid after 15 years of saying so. So why bring it up now? If it's not some sort of mid life crisis...it's a get out of jail free card he's playing.

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

Is it?

Where have you learned this from?

Snowmanscarf · 29/12/2024 20:40

Are his friends younger? Even five years can make a difference?

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2024 20:40

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

It's obvious you don't want another kid after 15 years of saying so. So why bring it up now? If it's not some sort of mid life crisis...it's a get out of jail free card he's playing.

Original poster

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:36

@Patienceinshortsupply he knows fine well why it’s a no. As well as agreeing to be one and done in the early days of our relationship I nearly lost my life during labour and was then very clear that never again.

OP posts:

LadyTable · 29/12/2024 20:34

Porcuporpoise · 29/12/2024 20:27

If the sexes were reversed then everyone would agree with him. Fwiw I think you owe him a conversation even if the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

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Nope.

I'd still be saying her body and her choice, and especially as she's 40 with a teenager.

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 20:34

Wellthisisnewandunwelcome · 29/12/2024 20:30

So the OP should have a child against her will to prevent that happening? That sounds like a tip top plan 🤷.

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Whose plan?

Patienceinshortsupply · 29/12/2024 20:33

I think you need to explain why it's a No to him. There's an ocean between having a baby at 26 and 40 - your body is likely to be hit harder if nothing else, and you'd have a huge age gap.