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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

215 replies

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 19:36

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

OP posts:
solopanda · 29/12/2024 22:20

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

Doesn't mean she has to have a baby

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2024 22:19

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:50

@PyongyangKipperbang I think this is a little far fetched.

Adding....all you need to do is spend a few hours on the relationships forum to see some of the insane things people will do justify affairs and cheating. It really is mind boggling. Its not far fetched at all, sadly. I truly wish that it was.

DoodlesMam · 29/12/2024 22:14

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 20:19

@Tohaveandtohold on our first date he said he’d like 2 before he’s 40. I said I wasn’t really fussed either way on having kids at all, as in if it happened it happened, and if I were to we’d only have 1. We had 1. And hasn’t been brought up again until over Xmas.

the only plan b might be to tell him you'll have one if he looks after her/him? I can't have children but I see your point more. wonder why he didn't discuss with you 14 years ago.....

spingtime · 29/12/2024 22:12

Honestly op dont do it your in your 40s now and you have a child that is growing up and your getting all your freedom back to do what you want.
You will always be a parent but you wont be parenting unless you want a baby.
Back to the baby stage no thank you.
Just think your be parenting in to you 50s almost 60.

susiedaisy1912 · 29/12/2024 22:09

Porkyporkchop · 29/12/2024 20:25

He has had 14 years to discuss this. He is being ridiculous wanting a last throw of the dice now. It will turn all your lives upside down.

This.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2024 22:08

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:50

@PyongyangKipperbang I think this is a little far fetched.

I know someone this happened to. Their "premature" baby was born 7 months after he left her.

Mrsbloggz · 29/12/2024 22:03

He wants a baby?
Does he have a womb?
No he doesn't so he's fresh out of luck!

spingtime · 29/12/2024 22:02

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 19:41

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

If thats what he wants then let him bloody go.

SabreIsMyFave · 29/12/2024 21:55

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 19:36

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

100% YANBU. Don't do it.

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 21:54

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 29/12/2024 20:55

Did this need to be said?
Do you feel you’ve helped force op into having a baby she doesn’t want, or do you just enjoy saying negative things to people?

Show quote history

yes it needs to be said…then all bases have been covered …..what have you contributed to the thread?
oh yeh….fuck all🙄

mumda · 29/12/2024 21:53

If he's got friends his age having a baby then he's giddy with their excitement. Perhaps. A cynical person thinks the friends might be desperate to share their joy with their mates. It sounds nice having a baby at the same time as your mates.

Original poster
itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:53

@diddl I’ve listened. Not sure I’ve visibly emphasised as a bit pissed off it even came up (especially as he was more traumatised by the fact I almost died last time than I was).

OP posts:
Original poster
itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:50

@PyongyangKipperbang I think this is a little far fetched.

OP posts:
diddl · 29/12/2024 21:47

I mean Op can listen & perhaps sympathise but there's not much to discuss is there?

Apart from the fact that the one they have was a compromise on Op's part, why would he want her to risk it again?

I'd be pretty upset at my husband for suggesting I undergo something that almost killed me the last time!

Newtothisplace · 29/12/2024 21:46

RampantIvy · 29/12/2024 21:39

Why on earth does anyone think the OP is being unreasonable?
Apparently 49 posters think so Confused

@RampantIvy mad isn’t. Clearly 49 unreasonable people 😝.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2024 21:44

@itsalldownhillfromhere I am old and cynical and wonder if this is a bit of a set up.

So if he is having an affair and OW wants a baby this, in his head, is a "clever" way of justifying him leaving you for her.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2024 21:39

Annabella92 · 29/12/2024 20:29

It sounds like you led him on up until this point saying it was a possibility and he was upfront about what he wanted. To now insist that it's not even worth having a conversation about is unfair imo.

Where did she say anything like that?

RampantIvy · 29/12/2024 21:39

Why on earth does anyone think the OP is being unreasonable?
Apparently 49 posters think so Confused

AlertCat · 29/12/2024 21:39

I would definitely want to dig a bit deeper into why now, when more than one has never been on the table, and when any previous moment would have been better to bring it up than now- why not raise the conversation when the first child was 2 or 3? Why wait until she’s 14??

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2024 21:33

Glitchymn1 · 29/12/2024 20:59

Neither of you are being unreasonable, he can’t help how he feels. I’d probably discuss it though. You said you’d maybe have one and you have, I’d have my list of reasons why it was a firm no.

I’d hear him out at least, nothing worse than just shutting down.

Presumably he was there the last time when she nearly died?

AngelicKaty · 29/12/2024 21:31

loonyloo · 29/12/2024 21:09

Are you suggesting OP should bring an unwanted child into the world just to keep hold of a man? Don't you realise how terrible that would be for the child, never mind anyone else in the family?

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Indeed, I thought this was a bizarre comment too. As if women having babies has ever stopped the fathers of those babies leaving them .....

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/12/2024 21:30

I think his reasoning that he hates being an only child doesn't really apply with a 14/15 year age gap. His two children are going to feel like only children for a long time, even if they become closer as adults. Maybe your conversation about children should also address what he thinks a sibling would bring to his life?

KatyaKabanova · 29/12/2024 21:28

itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:25

@KatyaKabanova yes, seems soon for that discussion I know. We were friends for years first. We always knew if we crossed that line it would work really well or quickly be a disaster.

Oh I see.

AngelicKaty · 29/12/2024 21:26

BeAzureAnt · 29/12/2024 21:03

OP should not put herself at risk with an older pregnancy. period.

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Exactly my point of view too, so I'm not sure why you've posted this to me. I was merely replying to someone who felt OP's DH deserved some explanation from her when she'd posted half an hour earlier that she's made it abundantly clear in the past and he's well aware of her reasons.

Original poster
itsalldownhillfromhere · 29/12/2024 21:25

@KatyaKabanova yes, seems soon for that discussion I know. We were friends for years first. We always knew if we crossed that line it would work really well or quickly be a disaster.

OP posts:
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