My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

All the advice if the roles were reversed would be - and I've seen it time and again on here - to leave if you want another child and your husband doesn't.

You're well within your rights not to have a second child, and he's well within his rights to act accordingly.

You definitely don't have to have another child.

You might want to just have a chat with him, letting him formulate why does he feel like that, what would the implications be and so on.

I would have felt quite let done if my partner refused to even hear me out about something I strongly felt about.

@Mince3141
I've known this also

I am a little surprised that he is keen to take that risk. Knew someone who was in a similar situation and he practically skipped into the vasectomy clinic after to make sure she'd be safe.

@Nanny0gg but doesn't for everyone. But I'm so happy to help it works for you

How many men run the risk of dying to have another child?

And it is the height of selfishness to put the desire for another child against the one you've already got

How was your first birth?

Agree. When it’s a woman wanting a second child, people tend to have more empathy.
Both partners have the right to decide what they want to do and whether they want to prioritise their current family as it is or find a new relationship which gives them an option of having more children, especially if they were keen to have a large family in the first place but went back on it because their partner didn’t want it.

The having a baby chat is sometimes very hard. It's a chat that me and my partner had earlier one. I have a child from a previous relationship and I made it clear I didn't want anymore children and neither did they. So it worked. But sometimes it doesn't work that way.

I have an ex of mine, who I'm civil to but not friends. They met someone brought a house got married and all of that and then wanted to start a family. Partner didn't want to - no I'm not sure whether they never had that conversation before or they did and that person lied but either way she ended the marriage. Less than 18 months in.

She is now with someone else and they are expecting a baby - she has only been with this person 18 months which I think is a little bit earlier but that's just me and I'm not always right (please don't come for me).

She knew what she wanted and she knew she wasn't getting it from marriage 1 so she left.

I have a 14 year age gap between my two kids. Works perfectly for us.

But that is easier said than done, you can’t just switch off feelings like being incomplete. We also don’t know the state of the marriage according to both the parties. Maybe parenting is the only thing that holds them together (it happens!) and with the older child being 14 maybe that’s hitting home that they won’t have that connection in the next few years. Either way both have a right to make the decisions they make and face the consequences accordingly.

Theu are, but I think his first commitment should be to his 14yo daughter, not seeking another baby and turning her life upside down.

can you imagine telling your child that you're splitting up because daddy wants a new baby so he needs to find a new wife? Because that's what it boils down to. Hos choice, of course, but I think he should prioritise the happiness of his existing family over splitting it up and starting a new family and blending siblings etc.

I don’t think it’s like that at all. No one has to do something they don’t want. BUT if two people want different things and there’s no compromise (you can’t compromise on having a child, you either do or do not) then one or both are absolutely within their rights to leave (not cheat, leave).

Well I hope his more than willing to be a full time dad if necessary seeing as the last birth nearly killed his wife and the second one could maybe finish her off this time, all so he can have a second child 14 long years after the first.

The level of selfishness would have me reassessing my relationship. He is willing to RISK HIS WIFES LIFE to get himself another child when he has a perfectly lovely child already. How’s that make his existing child feel? He would risk the life of their mother for a new baby because they weren’t quite satisfied with the one they’ve already raised.

It’s fucked up.

Would he go back there now?

We had our second when I was just shy of 40. Both gobsmacked, been told by a specialist that it wasn’t going to happen 3 years after having our first

We were both shell shocked but ultimately thrilled and he’s been the second joy of our lives.

would your husband be willing to be a full time dad?

I'd actually be really hurt if my DH started mithering for another baby if I'd nearly died giving birth.

Exactly. The risk of a man leaving is why we womenfolk should always do what they want.

The OP had decided to be one and done before she'd even had her first child and difficult birth

If you select "See all" in the bottom right hand corner of the OP's first post it will filter out just the OP's posts. It is really helpful on a long thread where the OP is likely to have updated.

Because it was in one of her subsequent posts that she posted before you did?

I wonder whether, if he'd had a near-death experience, he'd be as happy to repeat it.