suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

I have friends who always hold a large pre Christmas party. Starts about midday but they make it very clear that they are going out at 5. They have a taxi booked and walk out the house at 5.

🤣🤣🤣i have to start this 60/90 mins before i want them out.

Last time i actually stood by the open front door with their coats in my hands for 10 mins as they chatted away.
That was getting me no where so i eventually put "time to say goodbye" on the house music speaker and started singing along loudly.

Reader, it worked!

The important thing is the tone. Bright and cheery, like a punctuation mark. You may need to pop out to the shops and back to be able to put yourself in the right frame of mind.

“Well, we’ve got to do XYZ now, would you like a cup of tea before your journey?”
Adapted from what I used to say to people the morning after a date - “Would you like a banana for the journey home?”. Generous (free banana) but clear

I can categorically say that slapping thighs does not work - in-laws here today, they have only just gone after me doing this 35 minutes ago.

I just got up and started cooking.

"it's no problem, you're not keeping us"

It easy, and I do it every time "well we don't want to keep you any longer so..."

I believe this is a known phrase in the Midwest of USA

I find blunt is generally better.

"Right, bugger off then, I've got stuff to do this afternoon" generally works with my FIL.

"alright you better be off"

Slap thighs (Is that both thighs together rather than a Pantomime Boy Slap My Thigh one )

"Well , mustn't keep you" and usher them out .

If you make it look like you are the one that will miss them then they;ll be happy /happier

My husband has actually got up, put his coat on and said right I need to go to A, B, C or whatever before it closes and leaves. In laws have never left in such a hurry! A minute slower and they'd have been locked in the house behind him. I've said to him after how strange it was and he just laughs and says well they were here for ages and I had things to do 🤷 it certainly worked though.

"I have been visited enough now"

Seems to work 😂

Is it when she pops in or for prearranged get togethers?

We have the biggest house so have found ourselves hosting all Christmas Day, NYE, big birthdays bashes etc for both sides of our family.

We don't mind at all but after a couple of times when we had people here at 3am after NYE and 8pm Xmas night etc I'm very upfront when putting the invites out now.

Along the lines of 'we'd love to have everyone over for NYE, we'll be doing a big buffet so just bring a bottle. Arrive anytime from 7.30pm. However, dh is working the next morning so we'll need to kick everyone out by 1am at the latest x'.

Sometimes the reason for the deadline is not strictly true 😂 but it softens it a bit!

If it's the evening/night I'd say "Sorry, I'm feeling rather exhausted. I slept terribly last night and am ready for bed." If it's the day time "Oh sorry, I need to pop to the shops/bank" or "Sorry I've got a million things to do this afternoon"

DH had a lovely aunt who would come for a cup of tea and stay all day. I once (dad's 90th party was the next day) made about 5 batches of scones and went to the supermarket. Still she sat there on the sofa. Lovely lovely lady but didn't get signals.

What time is your train?
Don't leave if too late it's cold out there
What are you going to have for dinner

I'm Super exhausted, I need my bed I'm afraid

Say “Right!”, slap your knees, and then “I’ll let you get on then” as you stand up.

May not work if your MIL is not British but, otherwise, this is the most widely accepted way of saying “fuck off please 🙂.”

'What are you doing when you get home?'

A shift leader I once worked with used to get us to hurry the end of the evening shift by telling us he was on a promise
One for your DH to tell her, perhaps?

My very lovely MIL was like this. Absolutely did not want to go and was insatiable about spending time with the grandchildren even though she didn't particularly interact with them. Didn't matter how long she stayed there were always dismayed "We've hardly had any time. We've hardly seen you." I always felt guilty but then finally realised she could stay a month and live in our pockets and it wouldn't be enough.

I got very very blunt with them about them going to the point of almost rudeness, which I really resented being forced into. It was so hard that final push getting them out the house, so I used to make the kids put their shoes and coats on and stand with them on the driveway to try and hurry the ILs out like we were some kind of lure to coax them out the house. Oftentimes if meant they were out in the cold and the dark in their pjs. Still took fucking forever with all the "we've hardly had any time" on repeat after a week long visit. God can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.

Just be very very straight. It's all you can do. No point in vague hints. Some people can't read others very well or just don't want to. "Time to go" was my phrase to them. And "They need to go" to DH.

I use this one but add 'last' to it.
" Would you like a last......etc"
Works everytime

"not really, I'm in no rush"

Well, it's been lovely to see you but I guess you should probably get going

This ^ substitute train ride, coach journey etc as required. Say 'it's been lovely seeing you, MIL, would you like a cup of tea before you leave? No?, OK I'll get your coat. Look forward to seeing you again at Easter time.'