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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

212 replies

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 17:25

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 29/12/2024 20:41

Are you and DH back to work soon? Surely you can say something like “it’s been lovely but we will be getting back to normal on Tuesday so best you book a train for tomorrow afternoon. I can run you to the station”

JustMyView13 · 29/12/2024 20:40

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:37

Thanks everyone!
I should have said, she lives a long way away and has been here for a few days now, announcing that her train ticket is "open ended. So no rush to get back home."

Some of the country is due snow next week. Get her gone before, or she’ll be here forever 😂

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:37

Thanks everyone!
I should have said, she lives a long way away and has been here for a few days now, announcing that her train ticket is "open ended. So no rush to get back home."

OP posts:
byteme1011 · 29/12/2024 20:34

I thought last cup of tea worked but honestly now I just start cleaning if they don't get the hint!

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/12/2024 20:13

ChatGPT is amazing for helping with these situations. It gives brilliant ways to navigate these types of difficult scenarios

SpringIscomingalso · 29/12/2024 20:04

Background of story, when dis she came, what you have done so far and how long she has been , what was the plan, where is your husband?

Hwi · 29/12/2024 20:03

I don't ever invite people whom I mind overstaying. Love it when they do, that says something about them preferring our atmosphere to theirs. Positively love it. If I know I have ongoing work (I am a freelancer) I don't invite anyone - even at Christmas or NY. Just tell them I shall be working and that is it.

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:45

It's so awkward. I have a former co-worker friend, really nice chap and he'd do anything to be helpful, etc., but he lives alone, always has, and NEVER wants to leave once he's engaged someone in conversation.

In the warm weather I have picked up a rake and tidied my front garden and edged him toward his car, all but opening the door of his vehicle for him.

The Sunday before Christmas we had a day out together going to antique shops and garden centres; it was quite fun but we got an early start so by the time we returned to my cottage at 6pm it was 9 hours in and I'd done all the driving, about 150 miles. I had overheard him at one antique shop regaling the proprietor with a long and involved anecdote about his former neighbours from 1967, who had an identical Santa or some such in their front window. I mean, naming the neighbours by name and relationship. "So Mrs. Muggins preferred a tree in the window but once Harold, that is, Mr. Muggins as we called him, being children, saw that Santa he had to have it in the window. Their son Johnny used to unplug it as the kids would tease him..."

When we arrived back at mine, he wanted to fetch my Christmas gift from his car and then brought it inside and sat down.

Reader, he stayed another 2.5 hours. I wanted to fling myself off a cliff. He's so nice but his conversation consists of "back in 1973 my uncle Beryl was a salesman in York and his wife died at age 37; she was a real stickler and made those girls clean morning noon and night; we were all hoping when he remarried that his new wife would be kinder to the daughters but instead she turfed them out; Rebecca became a drug addict and Jane had to drop out of uni....meanwhile my cousin Pam did marry a nice bloke but they moved to Bristol and I didn't see her again till after I retired..."

or for about the 15th rendition "...that time in 1994, or no, was it 1995? 1996? I think it was when I was driving that Ford. Anyway when me and Tom went to the West End to see Petula Clark as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. She was OK in the role but they had this special hydraulic stage, it was so mesmerizing that one hardly noticed her at some points...though I do recall her costume in the closing scene...."

I mean, if he had an anecdote that took place since 2009 or so, I would love to hear it. Poor man is so nice but his life has had few highlights and he recites them all given half a chance. I had two beers while he regaled me last week and it did take the edge off.

Sunshineandoranges · 29/12/2024 19:37

I just offered her a lift to the station first the offer then I so what time do you think you want the lift

CoalTit · 29/12/2024 19:34

Twice in the last year I've suddenly had delicious wrapped-up leftover food thrust into my hands and thanked for coming. It really was the loveliest way to be told it was time to leave. It wasn't at people's homes, though.
I tried it myself at home with a little bottle of walnut oil that I had mentioned earlier to my guest. To my dismay he poured the (expensive! edible!) oil into his palms and started talking about massages.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 29/12/2024 19:33

My DM was a total doormat but my DF would stand up and say "Can I get you anything before I head to bed? Tea? Coffee? Hats and coats?"

Rowgtfc72 · 29/12/2024 19:32

Mils mum is in her 80s and to the point.
When she's had enough she hands you your coat and tells you it's time you were going.

BeardofHagrid · 29/12/2024 19:22

I’m loving the responses as I really struggle with this 😂 I think my technique is more passive-aggressive: becoming less and less responsive, getting up to clear things away, getting stuff out of the freezer. As a last resort, saying “Right….[deep breath]…well it was lovely to see you….almost that time to start getting tea ready”

fizzypop100 · 29/12/2024 19:22

Be honest. - I'm tired and I'm going to get a bath and get an early night. It's been lovely having you , I hope you understand?

Moveoverdarlin · 29/12/2024 19:22

I let out a loud sort of ‘Oooohhhhff’ sound, and slap my hands on my knees whilst sat down then get up and say ‘well it’s been a lovely day! I better get on with these dishes, can I get you another tea before you have to go Maureen? Do you want to take any of these turkey rolls with you? Thanks ever so much for those socks, they’re lovely!’

You need to start creating an ending to proceedings.

takealettermsjones · 29/12/2024 19:21

You and DH just start PDA-ing on the couch.

RegulatorsMountUp · 29/12/2024 19:19

TheBluntTurtle · 29/12/2024 19:02

There’s the old ‘would you like a second cup of tea?’ - change second to third/ fourth/ fifth as appropriate!

How does that help someone to leave? Surely they'd just keep saying yes 😄

RegulatorsMountUp · 29/12/2024 19:18

TheDandyLion · 29/12/2024 17:31

Stand up, slap your thighs and say "right then" .

That's the international signal for off you go isn't it?

No you have to slap your thigh sat down and then stand up as you say the 'right then' 😄

Wrappingpapere · 29/12/2024 19:17

Great suggestions here!

I do the cup of tea, start yawning, and “I am going to bed now, I’m so tired, but this has been so much fun”.

Papyrophile · 29/12/2024 19:15

This is a fabulously useful thread.

Hskatkat · 29/12/2024 19:15

At mine I'm like "right guys off you fuck now, bored of you "

TinklySnail · 29/12/2024 19:07

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/12/2024 18:46

Slap thighs (Is that both thighs together rather than a Pantomime Boy Slap My Thigh one )

"Well , mustn't keep you" and usher them out .

If you make it look like you are the one that will miss them then they;ll be happy /happier

The thigh slap and ‘well’ is a typical British response and usually works well with no offence taken by the recipient. I would highly recommend this approach to anyone 😁

PointsSouth · 29/12/2024 19:03

This very evening I’ve said to a house guest, “Happy to give you a lift home tomorrow, but we’ll have to be on the road by nine, so one glass of wine and an early night, eh?”

JolabokafloyiyWhereYisThorn · 29/12/2024 19:03

Don't let anyone into your home without having first issued a proper invitation. Bottom Right hand corner should say "carriages at [time we want you to fuck off]". That way you don't have to be seen as impolite. Here is a good example:

suggestions on how to say "please leave now".
TheBluntTurtle · 29/12/2024 19:02

There’s the old ‘would you like a second cup of tea?’ - change second to third/ fourth/ fifth as appropriate!