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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable OH being ridiculous

107 replies

Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:23

Competely understand this is a 1st world problem and of little significance to most people but it’s a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ for me.

I was building Lego for our son and had the torch on my phone on. I accidentally shone it in OH’s eyes momentarily. He said ‘you shone your torch in my eyes.’ with a look of complete annoyance and disdain and took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes like I had blinded him.

i told him it was a complete accident and that it wasn’t likely to happen again but honestly he’s made me feel completely crap and useless.

He hasn’t felt very well today but honestly I do so much for him and he’s not poorly enough to not be on his phone / watching TV. I’ve brought him coffee from the shop and taken some of his returns to the shop because he gets anxious about doing it himself. I got up with the kids and haven’t asked him to do a single thing all day.

Would it have killed him to not mention it or seem so annoyed? Knowing it was a one off and a complete accident?

I feel like walking out if I’m such an inconvenience. See how convenient life is without me. Sounds dramatic but I’m honestly sick of him.

Edit: I spoke to him and he said ‘it really hurt.’ Is that even possible? 😂

OP posts:
ohyesido · 29/12/2024 17:49

My DH has a new running light which he accidentally dazzled me with this morning when trying it out. He apologised straight away and gave me a hug.

I assure you it does hurt

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:48

ZippyBlueViper · 29/12/2024 17:44

I feel you. You're rushing about doing everything, your shattered, Christmas has probably been all on you as. You're basically, chef, cleaner, nanny etc all in one and he does sweet fa and then has the audacity to moan at an accidental minor inconvenience that you've caused him. A phone light doesn't hurt. It will have been less than seconds it shined in his eyes. He's making a big fuss off a little thing when you're having to do lots of big things and you've bitten your tongue and not complained. He sounds like a selfish irritating man child. I have one of them too. I get it. I would be pissed off too.

Thank you ♥️ it was probably a split second in broad daylight and he was on his phone and watching TV.

OP posts:
Jingleballs2 · 29/12/2024 17:47

Yes it can bloody hurt when someone shines a light in your eyes, DS had a habit of doing it when he was younger.
If you've apologised though I don't see what the issue is, I doubt he was making it up

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:46

neilyoungismyhero · 29/12/2024 17:40

He sounds like an arse..I have a lot of experience in them.

I was kind of hoping someone might just come along and say this. I kind of already know that he’s an arse and that he should have just sucked it up but he wanted me to feel guilty. You know - after I solo parented all day and brought him coffee and did his life admin? Some people will never get it because they haven’t ever experienced anyone like him, good for them I guess. Funny when he booted a football at me a couple of months ago and it left a red mark on my chest he was laughing 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t remember him being very sorry or me acting as wounded as he did today.

I’ve also learnt I have very strong eyes as a lot of people on here would be in agony in broad daylight with a brief flash of a phone light in their eyes.

OP posts:
ZippyBlueViper · 29/12/2024 17:44

I feel you. You're rushing about doing everything, your shattered, Christmas has probably been all on you as. You're basically, chef, cleaner, nanny etc all in one and he does sweet fa and then has the audacity to moan at an accidental minor inconvenience that you've caused him. A phone light doesn't hurt. It will have been less than seconds it shined in his eyes. He's making a big fuss off a little thing when you're having to do lots of big things and you've bitten your tongue and not complained. He sounds like a selfish irritating man child. I have one of them too. I get it. I would be pissed off too.

GrumpyOldCrone · 29/12/2024 17:42

If you’re pissed off at him for other reasons, it’s probably better to focus on those instead of the torch thing.

You can even apologise profusely for the torch thing AND complain about other things he’s doing, without losing face / ground / the sense of being in the right. I’d argue it’s even better this way.

Catcherintherice · 29/12/2024 17:41

I can see that it might have been momentarily uncomfortable and surprised him but he does seem to be overeacting. You also apologised. I don’t know what more he could expect.

He must really struggle with eye tests!

UndermyShoeJoe · 29/12/2024 17:40

Any point to continuing such a relationship considering your updates.

neilyoungismyhero · 29/12/2024 17:40

He sounds like an arse..I have a lot of experience in them.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:39

StormingNorman · 29/12/2024 17:30

Yes, it does hurt when people shine a torch in your eyes. Did you apologise?

I did but I don’t believe it hurt him the way he said it did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:38

GrumpyOldCrone · 29/12/2024 17:35

Maybe some people’s eyes are more sensitive than other people’s. A phone torch is still bright enough to hurt. Why won’t you apologise?

Show quote history

I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:37

Createausername1970 · 29/12/2024 17:33

If he is unwell, a bit fluey, then it's quite likely that a sudden unexpected light in the eyes could have hurt.

But you sound very pissed off, does he generally do his share of the housework and parenting?

He does hardly anything and he knows it. He ought to be grateful I’m still in the same room as him to accidents shine a light in his eyes let’s put it that way.

OP posts:
Katy232425 · 29/12/2024 17:36

Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:33

I did. But a torch on a phone isn’t as powerful as a normal torch I wouldn’t have thought. I’ve just shone mine in my own eyes to check and it really isn’t worthy of such a dramatic reaction from him.

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If you’ve reached this level of petty in your relationship you really should just call it quits.

(I still say it hurts.)

GrumpyOldCrone · 29/12/2024 17:35

Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:33

I did. But a torch on a phone isn’t as powerful as a normal torch I wouldn’t have thought. I’ve just shone mine in my own eyes to check and it really isn’t worthy of such a dramatic reaction from him.

Show quote history

Maybe some people’s eyes are more sensitive than other people’s. A phone torch is still bright enough to hurt. Why won’t you apologise?

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:35

Gymnopedie · 29/12/2024 17:32

'The straw that broke the camel's back' says that there is a huge back story to this. I'm guessing that he is always useless, negative, selfish and takes you for granted.

You can leave for any reason you want, and being sick of him is a very good one. Don't let him drain you any further.

Thanks. Well just the fact that I’m building the Lego and he’s sat on his bum is enough to get on my nerves on top of the fact that he got a lay in etc etc etc. You basically know exactly how fed up I am and really the post is completely useless because I know what I need to do really.

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 29/12/2024 17:34

Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:31

Do you genuinely think a torch on a phone momentarily in your eyes can actually hurt? Serious question. If you do then I will accept the comment but if you don’t really believe that then we’re dealing with a very calculated man that wants me to feel bad about something that didn’t actually hurt.

Of course I would feel bad if I believed I hurt him, after 14 years together those things have happened and I’ve apologised profusely.

Show quote history

Yes it does really hurt when you shine led lights in someones eyes. I find it painful.

Bluevelvetsofa · 29/12/2024 17:34

I do think it can hurt, yes, and you mention that he wears glasses, so his eyes may be more sensitive.

Createausername1970 · 29/12/2024 17:33

If he is unwell, a bit fluey, then it's quite likely that a sudden unexpected light in the eyes could have hurt.

But you sound very pissed off, does he generally do his share of the housework and parenting?

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:33

GrumpyOldCrone · 29/12/2024 17:29

My DP buys a new torch every few weeks (no idea why) and tests out every new one by shining it in various directions, inevitably including in my eyes. I know it’s not on purpose, but it is annoying. So I’m wondering if you actually apologised, because in your post you didn’t mention apologising. If you haven’t yet apologised then you should.

I did. But a torch on a phone isn’t as powerful as a normal torch I wouldn’t have thought. I’ve just shone mine in my own eyes to check and it really isn’t worthy of such a dramatic reaction from him.

OP posts:
InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 29/12/2024 17:33

I get a headache when someone shines a torch in my eyes. In my dd it can trigger a seizure. To some people it's not just a nothing

It was an accident, you should have apologised.

I get that this weird week between Xmas and New year is prime time for getting on each others nerves though.

GrumpyOldCrone · 29/12/2024 17:32

Yes, a bright light shining in my eyes can actually hurt. No idea if it’s universal, but it’s not unusual.

Gymnopedie · 29/12/2024 17:32

'The straw that broke the camel's back' says that there is a huge back story to this. I'm guessing that he is always useless, negative, selfish and takes you for granted.

You can leave for any reason you want, and being sick of him is a very good one. Don't let him drain you any further.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 29/12/2024 17:31

Wolfpa · 29/12/2024 17:27

Your reaction is unreasonable. If you accidentally as a one off hit him in the face with a cupboard door expect him not to be hurt?

Do you genuinely think a torch on a phone momentarily in your eyes can actually hurt? Serious question. If you do then I will accept the comment but if you don’t really believe that then we’re dealing with a very calculated man that wants me to feel bad about something that didn’t actually hurt.

Of course I would feel bad if I believed I hurt him, after 14 years together those things have happened and I’ve apologised profusely.

OP posts:
UndermyShoeJoe · 29/12/2024 17:31

I mean your mad he didn’t like the fact he had a torch shine in his eyes and said it hurt.

yeah it does hurt even if an accident.

StormingNorman · 29/12/2024 17:30

Yes, it does hurt when people shine a torch in your eyes. Did you apologise?