AIBU unreasonable OH being ridiculous

Yes. I have sensitive eyes and it actually hurts to shine a phone torch into them. You should have apologised.

But I'd focus on the clearly much bigger problems you have.....

He needs to get over himself.
Also, building Lego for your son? Do you mean building it with your son? Or are you doing your son's activity for him?

Ummm this shows your genuine distain for him. Im very light sensitive. Light in my eyes hurts. My husband loves light torches etc. Its taken him years to realise it actually hurts my eyes. His eyes are different.

My guess this hasn’t really anything to do with the torch (I wear glasses, I’ve had a phone torch shone accidently in my eyes, it is uncomfortable and I took off my glasses to rub my eyes and sat blinking for awhile)
Sounds like you feel unappreciated and you’re are irritated by his behaviour, so the torch shining incident was the final straw.
I would have apologised for accidentally shining the light and have expected your apology to be accepted and then the whole thing forgotten about.

Yes it hurts my eyes when a torch is shone in them.

he is right to be annoyed and you don’t mention apologising. you say sorry even if it was an accident. i would find that very triggering for a migraine. i can’t tolerate that type of light. same reason I can’t have photos taken with a flash.

I don’t like light shining on my eyes DH does it to me but it doesn’t hurt it’s just slightly irritating and not worth being a big baby over

God he’s sounds unattractive - are you not turned off by this useless wimp?

I kind of get what you mean, but having read all her posts I’d say she despises him and cannot think of anything good to say because she’s done. He does sound utterly pathetic tbf.

Are you going to leave him OP? He sounds a knob and you sound at the end of your tether. I
Imagine it'll be freeing for you without him!

Totally serious. She appears to be on the verge of leaving him over this & clearly feels so slighted by him besides. Personally i think a hug is a wise thing to do when both partners are feeling a little fractious but there's no huge trauma. That's my take on the limited information presented - I'm not in her shoes, of course. If she doesn't want to hug him, no one is forcing her to.

‘A hug’ you cannot be serious? She hadn’t accidentally pushed him down a flight of stairs.

Yes sensitivity to light is a thing. It's a feature of some medical conditions, though some healthy people get it just because they're ill, run down or tired.

I can't watch TV in a darkened room because any sudden flashes of bright light literally hurts my eyes. Pupils are wider in darkness & pinned in bright light - they don't had time to adjust to sudden changes. For anyone susceptible to light sensitivity, sudden flashes like that do cause actual pain.

Give him a hug 🤗

Eh? She didn’t hit him with a cupboard door though? She shone a light in his eye….

I have that and shone my torch in both eyes just to see how bad it was after reading OP’s post. No issue for me!

I'm not sure of the science behind it but it allows more light into the eye. It's why lots of people with astigmatism don't drive at night, headlights and even street lamps look brighter and more spread out.

Same! It's really uncomfortable.

I remember your username from another thread, because what you posted made me sad for you. You mentioned planning to leave him before but not going through with it. Make a new plan to do so.

What in the name of bloody hell has astigmatism got to do with light sensitivity??

I must have a major problem with my sight then, because I just looked directly into mine with barely an issue.

@Weddingbells6
Next time you do his Christmas returns, make sure to switch all the labels. Then, when he next accidentally bumps into you or hurts you in a minuscule way, literally fall to the floor gasping. Take to your bed and do not move for 24 hours. Let’s see how Peter Pan copes with that.

Yes a torch light in your eye hurts - especially so if you have a stigmatism; and even more so when you're unwell!

I hate him OP. If he’s such an alpha he wouldn’t be “hurt” by a phone touch light, or moping around being ill, or getting anxious about returning a package?? Ffs.

OP I get it. You’re resilient and capable and do more and are getting fed up of his neediness and fragility.

There are so many super fragile people these days. If you’re not one of them it can feel very wearing. Now you’re resentful and that’s a bit of a death knell for a relationship.

I have been the one running around doing everything to be met with irritation for some small mistake.

I have just shone my iPhone torch right into my eyes. Yep. I don’t get it. I’m not other people so I accept they could all suffer from the trauma but it would leave me feeling exasperated if they reacted strongly - however horrible that makes me.

I had to do all phone calls and social interactions and child illnesses and complicated admin when I was with my ex. He had to take to his bed when he was ill but I felt I could manage. Because he said he couldn’t cope with those things.

No need to pile on. The OP and I have accepted we are dreadful humans.

Any torch shining in my eyes will hurt, no matter how brief. It may pass after a few minutes, or it will give me a headache behind the eye for a few hours, or if I’m really lucky, it will lead to a full blown, debilitating migraine. (Someone slinging my brain, throwing up, slurring my words and numb arms for a few hours, unable to tolerate any light. ) I avoid all torches, I HATE the cyclists that wear flashing head lamps. It should be illegal to use strobe lighting on the road.

I can’t tolerate fireworks or all the flashing toys that are sold at fireworks displays. If I don’t get a migraine, the anxiety of getting one is enough to put me in a bad mood.

I shut my eyes when there are torches around. I shut my eyes at camera flashes on the TV or any kind of flashing as it hurts and might lead to a migraine. When the flashing is really intense, I have to also put my hand over my closed eyes to stop the flashing confusing my brain.

I don’t generally lash out at people accidentally shining lights in my eyes, but occasionally, I do have less patience and I might not respond as well as I could, but that is fear and anxiety taking over.

I struggle with night daylight. I hate how it flashes through hedges, particularly in winter, as you move along. I am so sensitive to light. My pupils take forever to constrict.

I fully appreciate that I am the extreme and most people don’t experience light sensitivity to this extent, but as with everything, it’s a spectrum.

On the other hand, I know I have a really high pain threshold, but I don’t disregard when other people claim something hurts. Most people say labour is painful, I gave birth twice without the need for any medication. I don’t see those who need pain relief as weak, or minimise their difficulties, because to them, their pain is real.

In that moment, so was your husband’s. Maybe he said what he did because he wanted to make a point that it had hurt, not to make you feel guilty, but to realise.