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Original poster

Partner’s Ex Won’t Allow Me in His Home

161 replies

HeartyZebra · 29/12/2024 15:06

I (47F) am in a relationship for a year with my partner (50M). I never had any children in my one previous relationship and lost a pregnancy. He has two kids, 10 and 14. He went through a bad patch with drink and drugs and she threw him out 9 years ago. I’m his first relationship since then. There’s no custody agreement and he fears going to court because he’s been incarcerated.
Prior to our relationship, he was at his ex’s house most nights with the kids. She has dressed me down, saying I made her life difficult because he only minds the kids 3 nights a week now. She has refused to allow him to see the kids at all if I am at his house. But I live with him now. He had to throw me out of the house on Christmas in order to see his kids. I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve called her to apologize for being in DP’s life and ask her how I can make things work better for her but she just yelled at me that now she can’t do yoga and book group.
I’m more than willing to watch the kids. I know Mom comes first and I should be humble and kind. How can I get through to her?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 29/12/2024 20:21

You can do better OP

Marchweshall · 29/12/2024 20:15

He’s been in prison and had a drink and drug addiction. He sounds like a catch.

JMSA · 29/12/2024 20:13

Why have you saddled yourself with this loser?
Those poor kids Sad

SpicyMarge · 29/12/2024 20:12

Your boyfriend is a former (?) addict jailbird who threw you out on Christmas Day, and you’re insisting that his ex is the issue?

Endofyear · 29/12/2024 20:11

You've moved in after only being with him a year, this was your mistake. He's had problems with drink & drugs and been in prison. I expect his ex has put up with a lot and it's very reasonable for her to mistrust him and you. I would stay out of it - it's his problem to sort, not yours. If his solution is to ask you to leave the house so he can have his children there, I would personally be moving out. This relationship has disaster written all over it.

Goldbar · 29/12/2024 15:29

This one is not worth the hassle.

Bearbookagainandagain · 29/12/2024 15:13

It's very much up to your partner to sort this out, going to court if need be.
His ex has no right to dictate who is or isn't at his house when the kids are with him.

TenderChicken · 29/12/2024 15:13

At the end of the day, this is for him to sort out, not you.

But why on earth did you move in? If he is never going to seek a formal custody arrangement, and his ex had been clear that she was going to be difficult about your presence, what on earth did you both think was going to happen?

UndermyShoeJoe · 29/12/2024 15:13

You have a dp problem not an ex problem.

His letting her control his life. It’s easier for him to throw you out than stand up to her. He would rather keep her happy than you, he would rather chuck you out then go to court for his kids because his an ex con, ex druggie, ex alcoholic?

Throw this one back there has to be much much better options out there.

Holliegee · 29/12/2024 15:09

You can’t, she’s deranged with anger and needs to blame someone and that unfortunately is you.
if the relationship is worth it then you’ll just have to carry on with this unreasonable situation until she realises it’s no having the effect she wants or until your Dp stands up to her - but you don’t want to be the spark that causes the catalyst.
so whenever you are not allowed to be there,plan nice things for yourself and let her see.
bet that soon changes things

Nerdlings · 29/12/2024 15:09

What you mean is that your partner won't allow you to be in his house.

The ex can make any demands she wants but it doesn't mean your partner has to act on them.

This situation is of his making

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