Partner’s Ex Won’t Allow Me in His Home

You're not worthless, far from it. Sounds like you're well educated and contribute a lot to society. Birthing children does not make you a more valuable member of society

It does sound as though your self esteem is on the floor and you can't see that this bloke is not worthy of you and he's really not and do you really need all this drama?

Get out of this relationship and spend time on your own self-worth. For a professional woman with standing in the community, you speak horribly about yourself. You make 47 sound like 80! Being childless does not mean you have to allow yourself to be treated like a door mat by your partner or his ex.

Your "partner" is the problem. You shouldn't very thrown out of your home at Christmas. Why couldn't he go to her home to spend tine with the children. He's give in to unreasonable demands for a quiet life. If she can't do her social events anymore that's her problem. She can't make boundaries and then complain about her own boundaries impending her activities. Personally, I wouldn't get involved. Let him deal with his ex and hold your own boundaries because I certainly wouldn't be put out if a house I pay for because of whims of the Ex.

I would aim to bolster my self-esteem rather than spend time on Mumsnet being sarcastic and rude, if I was you.

You are the one choosing to stay with this absolute idiot.

You are an education woman. You are not worthless. Get a grip on reality!
You shacked up with a convict. HE willingly jumps to the exes tune. I dunno who the hell has got in your head about your importance or hierarchy of importance but age has fuck all to do with it.
Have some self respect lady. You are worthy of love and kindness. He did not have the right to kick you out of your home on Christmas day because his ex wanted it that way. What about boundaries? What happens on dad's time is up to dad. He is deliberately choosing this because he doesn't want to be dragged to court. It's easier. He is picking the easier choice!
What a prick!
You deserve better! Don't you dare apologise for being in existence, for being "childless" or anything else similar. Men like him are lucky to have women like you. Period.

I know quite a few academics, largely through my work, and there are plenty of single middle aged women academics who have no problem whatsoever getting an intelligent boyfriend on their level.

OP this is wrong. You're old, childless and worthless?? Do you really feel that way? Or is this relationship making you feel this way? I don't mean this unkindly but where is your self-worth?

I can't see this ever being fixed because she's ridiculous and he's useless so if I were you I would call it a day and get on with making a better life for yourself where you don't feel like a bit player and mug.

Do better. Come on. Being alone is better than this.

Caught up in their drama. Get rid

Life is too short for this absolute rubbish.

I think your energy would be better spent in something to help your self esteem then joining in with this drama and being in a relationship with a scummy man.

I'd have thought you would be a bit of a catch for a similar aged chap who isn't interested in children, surely that's a bonus. I'd also suggest some counselling for the issues you have with not having children, childless women are not somehow lesser as you seem to be suggesting.

This is a very strange OP. Quite an aggressive pity party but says she’s an academic.

She didn’t kick you out your home on Christmas Day. He did.

TBH if that was her hard and fast rule - and again I get it with what she has been through with him - he should have agreed to meet them in a public place or somewhere neutral.

Im surprised an academic like yourself is stopping so low as to date a criminal who doesn’t treat you very well.

Also quit the pity party. It’s pathetic, I expect better from someone intelligent. No one is saying you’re worth less than a mother. But to her, and him, his kids are worth more.

Ex convict and baby mama drama. Picked a winner mate

It's entirely relevant and not wise to minimise its impact on why the mother is behaving how she is. Also the long term impact on the OP.

Why are you with this boyfriend? He should be enhancing your life, making it fun and bringing you peace. That's the entire point.
What crime did he choose to commit to end up imprisoned?
Secure a house for yourself and enjoy life.

Why wouldn't it be to you?

There may be a backstory of violence or domestic abuse. Sexual abuse. It's not difficult to see how that would influence the replies.

Why is that relevant to you?

What was he in prison for?

He doesn't sound like a good catch. Too much drama which will not die down.
This is their dynamic and it will never change.
LTB from me...

Didn't think this one would be back.

Sorry you’re caught in this. What’s within your control is setting a standard for yourself about how you’ll be treated in a relationship. That’s up to you but it seems pretty bare minimum that you’re allowed in your own home for Christmas.

It’s his responsibility to make the co-parenting work. If that needs to be via the courts, you can offer to be a character witness as you know how he has been living the last year. But if he can’t or won’t make it work, you have to hold your head high and let him go.