Partner’s Ex Won’t Allow Me in His Home

If you’re a professor then you should have more than 2 brain cells to rub together so that you can recognise that “Prince Charming” is infact a complete and utter waste of space.

Being book smart clearly doesn’t improve you’re ability to pick a good one

This

"He had to throw me out on christmas" lol

No he did not!

I'm proudly childfree and utterly disgusted at the OP saying women like me are worthless.

Tricky one. Normally I would say go to court .. but the ages of the kids will mean they will have their wishes considered - normally a good thing but she sounds unhinged and will probably manipulate them.

I would just say NO. Sounds like she needs his childcare services more !!

I think she’s probably angry that he was a bad partner to her, was in prison on drugs - may have been abusive. Yet now he’s with you, he’s clean and probably treats you well etc. she’s taking her anger out on the wrong way but I’d be angry too. It also seems like now he’s in a relationship, he’s not doing as much for the children as he done before- being with someone should not impact you as a parent.

Whoah! What am I reading here??!
You're an intelligent woman. Do not put up with this.
Sort yourself a home of your own asap & never look back on this chapter. Nothing about this is OK.

I think you need to start some therapy to see that you don’t have to settle for this and that just because you’re childless you’re not worthless?? You have no self respect or self worth!!

I’m a childless woman at 46, I didn’t realise I was worthless - thanks for the education! Joking aside, either you are being sarcastic, have had a drink or you need serious help with your self-esteem and misogynistic views. Either way, this is not about his ex, this is about him. If he wants a relationship with his children then he needs to navigate that situation with his ex - asking you to leave the house is totally unacceptable, you should have having this conversation with him rather than coming online and moaning about her.

For all we know she is doing an amazing job under very difficult circumstances, because he sounds as if he has been an unreliable parent for a considerable time, after all she would only have kicked him out after reaching the end of her tether with his behaviour… after which he just continued on with even worse behaviour getting himself jailed in the process, rather than pulling up his socks and doing better. Everything you have said about him screams of red flags.

I guess academics can be every bit as pea-brained as the general population. 🤷‍♀️

If he hasn't drank or done drugs in a long time it probably won't be held against him in court, and he has capably parented since without issue. He's probably more worried than he has to be but ianal.

One - it is never ok for him to force you to leave if that is also your home now. I'd be setting that boundary straight away.

Two - he can go to court for free, if he's been having custody up to this point and her only complaint is you living there she won't have a leg to stand on. Regardless of his past, he can show he's straight and narrow now, has been trusted so far and this is to control the situation.

If he refuses to do this, he doesn't love or respect you enough to stay in this relationship. You deserve to be with someone who does what it takes and absolutely his kids are his priority but his ex is not.

Are you sure? There are only (according to the internet) a couple of states that have mandatory imprisonment for a simple DUI and then it's a not for a lengthy period that might affect child contact arrangments.

How did you conclude OP is (presumably) in the US?

So my DP threw me out of our home, and spent Christmas with his Ex and the kids because she demanded it. I DO understand that as a childless woman, I am worthless and she as the Mum MUST come first and even demand he drop me. I get all that. And that I am very lucky a man would even look at a woman my age who can't give him more children. Maybe I should just stay out of society.

Putting your professional hat on, does this sound a healthy and helpful frame of mind?

I really feel for you OP. It is hugely disrespectful that your partner is allowing you to be treated like this. Only he can fix this situation, by standing up to his ex or by having official custody arrangements put in place. I can understand why she is resentful, I can imagine she tried for years to get him to be a sober, present partner and parent. Seeing him now sober, and having a new relationship must be quite difficult for her to watch. That's not your fault though and it's unfair you are being treated this way. I agree with other commenters though, being a professor I imagine that you are a very intelligent and successful woman in your own right. Being childless might not be how you saw things working out for you, but it by no means makes you useless. At all. In fact, while these two are squabbling over custody arrangements you are free to walk away at any time and live your life.

What are your interests? Join some groups relating to them, meet like minded people. You seem to think you are old and past it. Ludicrous! Other people your age now have grown up children, and are looking to start life over, find themselves and their interests and hobbies again. Live your life OP, don't be dragged into the mess between these two. Especially when your partner doesn't seem to possess the backbone to defend you. Chucked out on Christmas day? That's horrible. Please go and enjoy your life, far away from these two and their drama. Book yourself a few days away if it's a possibility, enjoy the rest of the winter break before uni is back. Treat yourself to somewhere/something nice. Try to see the perks of not being tied to the home and children's routines. You've mentioned loneliness. So is it that you really do love this man, enjoy his company, see a fulfilling future with him? Or is it that you're willing to put up with being treated this way because you don't want to be alone? Being alone and lonely is tough, but being in a relationship and still feeling lonely is worse.

Childless women are not worthless. How could you say such a thing?

Hey, I'm just glad they came back 🤣🍿

Babe you need to work on valuing yourself - you can definitely find someone who wouldn’t chuck you out of your place of residency.

One of the most fabulous women I know is 65! I aspire to be like her, just minding her own business being hot and chill.

Are you sure? There are only (according to the internet) a couple of states that have mandatory imprisonment for a simple DUI and then it's a not for a lengthy period that might affect child contact arrangments.

This man is still too entangled with his ex to be available for a relationship with you. Even if he didn't have all the other points going against him.

You would see that yourself if you didn't hate yourself so much.

You deserve better don’t let him beat down your self esteem.

Better to have kept your own place than moved in within a year with a guy like this with so much baggage. He's the twat for throwing you out of the house, it's not his ex who did that, but it's the fact he's got all these issues with ex, custody and his own flaws that are the red flags that should've made you more wary and should make you step back now and take things more slowly. If this is even real. Your silly responses about being old etc make me very doubtful that you're a 47yo professor unless you've been having a drink before posting. Obviously no one thinks that and for that to be your response is pretty weird and worrying.

If you want to stay with him, I would recommend moving back out to your own place. You need a home that you don't lose access to for whatever reason!

Please stop talking about yourself like this!! You are absolutely not worthless just because you are 47 and childless. Everyone has their own journey in life and if you are the first to think you are worthless you will always let other people think they can treat you like you actually are! You are a professor at University for pete's sake! You are definitely not worthless!!!!

@HeartyZebra you deserve better than this oaf. Honestly, you are better off on your own than with someone so undeserving of you.