Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

Not unreasonable at all. So many parents are unbelievably entitled and think their kids should be allowed to destroy experiences for everyone else. If people have children that can't behave keep the monsters at home and let them run riot there. Or work on their parenting skills so they don't have monsters. I think café and restaurant owners need to take some ownership for behaviour allowed in their establishments too.

Cue entitled parents angry responses.

I agree with you, OP. Some parents are incredibly selfish and don't consider anyone else around them. No-one expects small children to be silent, but that level of noise sounds beyond irritating.

Coping with ‘normal’ toddler sounds though isn’t the issue here. It was abnormal sounds - shrieking and screaming. But you’re right about the under 10 stipulation - I’ve changed my mind. Just have cafes that ban any child under 16. Would make it easier. Obviously not all cafes will go down that route, but it would be nice for there to be a few ‘adults only’ cafes dotted around.

That’s perfectly fine and I agree, but hyping kids up to the point of them being hysterical and exceedingly loud in an enclosed space where people have paid to enjoy tea/cake and chat is not particularly considerate.

I'm sure it was annoying for your friend but equally a busy cafe sounds like a very poor choice of place to have a comforting chat for someone experiencing overwhelm. Given the location I'm assuming you don't live in a studio flat so presumably could decamped to your house even if you had to perch on the bed with a cup of tea? Perhaps when you realised how crowded it was?

I find screeching kids awful to be around but there do seem to be these phases where they're either screeching with delight or just crying, and have to remind myself that at least I don't have to take them home with me. Not everything a child does can be 'controlled' in the moment, as anyone who's had to march out of a venue with a screaming child held under one arm like an angry stepladder will tell you...

That GIF is awful.

God, parents of little kids can't do right, can they.
Sit kid in front of an iPad watching a Peppa Pig or something with headphones on, it's "poor kid, being ignored"
Try and interact and keep them occupied - they get told to basically shut up!
They're not to know what your circumstances are.
For all you know they may have needed a change of scenery too after going stir crazy stuck at home with an over excited toddler, wanted to get them all out for some fresh air.
Try a flask and a park bench next time.
YABU

I think you should have both stepped outside and taken a walk to talk rather than try to talk in a busy cafe. You can’t control what others are rightly doing with their toddler. How do u know they haven’t also had a stressful time and no idea what’s happening in their own lives. You and your friend are not the only ones that could be having a stressful time.

The OP could have done that if she wanted peace and quiet.

How would this be policed? Is 10 the magic age where children become ‘well behaved and well controlled’? What about those children with SEN? Should parenting skills be assessed too, before entering a cafe?

If you are too precious to cope with sounds from a toddler then a busy cafe at Christmas is logically not the place for you. The OP could and should have had her friend over for the silence they needed. It was unreasonable to expect the cafe to be quiet for their ‘comfort chat’.

Totally agree.

Parents of young kids need to accept that for a few years there are things they can't do.

Pack a flask and sit in the car at the edge of a park, or something.

Absolutely this.

I think people think they can behave as they please in public spaces. I watched a Christmas show recently with multiple children behind me constantly kicking my chair and screeching in my ear and the little girl next to me had ants in her pants - I know young kids can’t be expected to keep still for lengths of times but she was about 7 and up/down from her seat constantly, rocking side to side, elbowing me etc and her mother turned a blind eye. I have kids with neurodivergent conditions and I still wouldn’t allow them to disturb people to that extend in a public setting.

I don't think a café that attracts a packed crowd is somewhere I'd have taken a friend on the verge of emotional breakdown for a 'comfort chat'.

Annoying, but believe me, it is nothing compared to what these products of gentle parenting will do (and already do) to the said parents when they grow up.

If you had a problem you should probably have gone to the staff and they’d decide if you were reasonable or not.

I get your friend being stressed (I’m supposed to go to a café to hide out from stressful home life too as per my therapist) but it’s no one else’s fault.

Wow, you clearly have major problems!

There should be cafes where children under 10 are not allowed. A bit like cafes that don’t allow dogs. Then at least people have a choice. And I bet they would be very popular. I enjoy well behaved, well controlled children with considerate parents. But otherwise keep your children at home.

Why do people go online just to make personal digs?

"Banshees" 😂 isn't it amazing how hyperbolic language can change the meaning of an objectively quite neutral everyday event like a parent interacting with their toddler.

OP, I completely agree with you. What a horrible experience for you and your stressed-out friend. Some people are unbelievably selfish, particularly when it comes to imposing their children on others.

You have a very vulnerable friend who's going through a really rough time, surely you can assume she's going to be feeling emotional.. yet this chat takes place in a very public cafe? Bigger issue than screaming toddler imo. Now I don't think families have the right to make everyone in a cafe feel uncomfortable so YANBU in that sense necessarily. But YABU to bring your poor friend out in public to discuss her upsetting circumstances. Get your bloody husband out of your hair for a few hours and make her comfortable in your home.

Why not buy your husband some headphones and meet at yours next time ? get that the toddler screaming was annoying, but it's a sunday in the xmas holidays - definitely not the time to expect a quiet chat in a busy cafe..

Were they screaming like banshees though or was friend being oversensitive and not used to children and normal noise levels bearing in mind a TV was "too much" as well?

THIS!!