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AIBU?

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Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
thegrumpusch · 29/12/2024 18:07

Moonlightdust · 29/12/2024 17:42

To be fair when I’ve been abroad the kids have better manners in public and in cafes and restaurants. I haven’t seen the parents being loud and hyping them up acting like they are in their living room at home which is becoming increasingly common here.

Perhaps. Personally I delight in seeing adults interacting joyously with kids. Heavens knows I see enough of the opposite. I'd rather sit next to a family like this than one where the kids are plugged into screens or otherwise ignored

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 18:03

fatphalange · 29/12/2024 17:17

I don't think a café that attracts a packed crowd is somewhere I'd have taken a friend on the verge of emotional breakdown for a 'comfort chat'.

Me neither

oakleaffy · 29/12/2024 18:03

Hatty65 · 29/12/2024 15:05

No, I'm with you OP.

If a toddler is shrieking indoors in a public space you take them OUT of there. You don't inflict that high pitched noise on others.

The sheer siren shrillness of modern toddlers is really off the scale

It is like a steam whistle.

Allowing kids to screech is much more frequent.

NO one wants to hear your kids screech.

{Any more than they want ti hear a dog yapping at a café.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/12/2024 18:02

@katepilar I can't tell whether you agree with me or not. But I was simply suggesting there was a more polite way to get people to be quiet.
I also stated that in her position I would've hosted the friend in my house. Just asked the man to turn the TV down.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 18:02

If you are too precious to cope with sounds from a toddler then a busy cafe at Christmas is logically not the place for you

This!

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 18:02

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 17:47

But they aren’t. I’ve had toddlers who didn’t shriek or scream in restaurants/cafes. And if they did, I would have just not taken them into a cafe or restaurant until they were old enough to understand that screaming and shrieking is appropriate at a park, but not somewhere where other people just want to drink a coffee or have a sandwich with some semblance of just normal chatter.

Absolute lies that you’ve had a 12-24 month old who never shrieked or made any loud noises in public spaces.

The OP should have stayed home with her friend, problem solved. A busy cafe at Christmas was a silly decision.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 18:00

thegrumpusch · 29/12/2024 17:35

Christ, this country is so hostile to kids and young families. I despair

Yep, agreed.

Jaxhog · 29/12/2024 17:59

Screaming children are never ok. If your kids can't keep it down to a reasonable level, then don't take them to busy cafes! No-one expects silence, but screaming at the top of their voices is unacceptable.

IggysPop · 29/12/2024 17:58

I agree with @Livelovebehappy.

katepilar · 29/12/2024 17:56

BobbyBiscuits · 29/12/2024 15:14

I think the way you phrased it sounds a bit off. Like blaming the parents for the games they're playing with the child. A more neutral way to put it would just politely say 'sorry, but could you keep the noise down please'. Not really blaming one, but instructed at the whole group.

Its unfortunate your friend was so upset at the time. If I was you I'd have just invited her to yours and told husband to turn the telly down, while comforting her in a separate room.

Yes, she was blaming the parents for incouraging the child to scream/shriek. That not what you do in a cafe.

KateDelRick · 29/12/2024 17:49

I was the same, @Livelovebehappy - when mine were toddlers, they were chatty, but wouldn't behave like that in a cafe. As others have said, it's not the park or a toddler group.

fetchacloth · 29/12/2024 17:48

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 15:01

Gosh, they sound obnoxious. Why can't they get their coffee and sit outdoors with the noisy kid.

THIS.

It really isn't fair on others to have to listen to other people's screaming/screeching children with no parental control given.
When this has happened to me, I've been the one, amongst others, forced to sit outside to escape the racket.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 17:47

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 17:34

Unfortunately shrieking and screaming are normal sounds for toddlers!

But they aren’t. I’ve had toddlers who didn’t shriek or scream in restaurants/cafes. And if they did, I would have just not taken them into a cafe or restaurant until they were old enough to understand that screaming and shrieking is appropriate at a park, but not somewhere where other people just want to drink a coffee or have a sandwich with some semblance of just normal chatter.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 17:43

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 17:34

Will loud adults be allowed in them?

As long as they don’t scream, shriek, run around the place or throw food on the floor….

SwimBikeRunBake · 29/12/2024 17:43

How did your friend feel about you asking the family to be quiet? Was she ok, did she think you did the right thing?
Or is she someone who avoids confrontations? Would she have felt embarrassed and not wanted to say anything?
Given that you were meeting to offer comfort and support, whether you behaved reasonably or not will depend on how your friend was with the situation. If she is someone who doesn't like confrontations then it may have been better to bite your tongue and suggest leaving the cafe and going somewhere quieter.

Moonlightdust · 29/12/2024 17:42

thegrumpusch · 29/12/2024 17:35

Christ, this country is so hostile to kids and young families. I despair

To be fair when I’ve been abroad the kids have better manners in public and in cafes and restaurants. I haven’t seen the parents being loud and hyping them up acting like they are in their living room at home which is becoming increasingly common here.

mealienpleasehelp · 29/12/2024 17:42

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:46

Oh and OP if anyone has ever told you that you should be an author and have a quirky writing style
they were lying

Why are people being so cunty about this?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 29/12/2024 17:41

OP seems to have left us, perhaps to have a quiet cup of tea somewhere...

TheRosesAreInBloom · 29/12/2024 17:39

Put simply, IMO, it’s good manners to keep the chat and general table noise down to a reasonable level when in a cafe or restaurant; it’s no longer a cheap affair therefore no one wants to be disturbed by a noisy child, people making phone calls, or a panting smelly-breath dog.

Gabitule · 29/12/2024 17:35

I also agree with you OP. Toddler or no toddler, I really dislike inconsiderate people who never think about how their actions (or volume) in a public place affects others. If I was there with a child I’d make sure to try to keep them as quiet as possible and if the child got cranky I’d leave the cafe. The child’s parents are the ones who should make compromises, and not expect the rest of the world to do so for their child.

Why do people on here keep saying that it’s ok that the child was noisy because the cafe is a public place? It is a cafe, not a play ground, not a mother and toddler group. So i can turn up there to enjoy a coffee and have loud conversations on the phone with my hard of hearing aunt, while someone else can sit with their coffee and listen to loud metal music? Coz why not, it’s a public place!?

thegrumpusch · 29/12/2024 17:35

Christ, this country is so hostile to kids and young families. I despair

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 17:35

Winterskyfall · 29/12/2024 17:33

Not unreasonable at all. So many parents are unbelievably entitled and think their kids should be allowed to destroy experiences for everyone else. If people have children that can't behave keep the monsters at home and let them run riot there. Or work on their parenting skills so they don't have monsters. I think café and restaurant owners need to take some ownership for behaviour allowed in their establishments too.

Cue entitled parents angry responses.

As long as the parents keep buying I doubt cafe owners care about a bit of noise.

QueenOfHiraeth · 29/12/2024 17:35

There's a difference between normal toddler noise and ear-splitting shrieks and over-stimulated wailing. If it was the former then OP needs to get over herself, if it is the latter then the family are ridiculous to subject the child and everybody else to that

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 17:34

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 17:31

Coping with ‘normal’ toddler sounds though isn’t the issue here. It was abnormal sounds - shrieking and screaming. But you’re right about the under 10 stipulation - I’ve changed my mind. Just have cafes that ban any child under 16. Would make it easier. Obviously not all cafes will go down that route, but it would be nice for there to be a few ‘adults only’ cafes dotted around.

Unfortunately shrieking and screaming are normal sounds for toddlers!

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 17:34

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 17:31

Coping with ‘normal’ toddler sounds though isn’t the issue here. It was abnormal sounds - shrieking and screaming. But you’re right about the under 10 stipulation - I’ve changed my mind. Just have cafes that ban any child under 16. Would make it easier. Obviously not all cafes will go down that route, but it would be nice for there to be a few ‘adults only’ cafes dotted around.

Will loud adults be allowed in them?