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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:13

brunettemic · 29/12/2024 16:51

Why can’t OP and her friend who can’t deal with being around people making noise (or so it seems) sit outside or go for a calming walk?

Because she wanted a brew and a sit down, not a walk....that's why. Next time I think we will just start drinking earlier.

OP posts:
Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:11

HelpMeGetThrough · 29/12/2024 15:21

mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.

Send him my way. I have 14 years worth in the planner to watch. Admittedly I've already watched most (if not all), but they are like a good book, worth a repeat visit.

Reckon I could change a head gasket after watching that lot.

He's boxed up and ready. Just need your address.

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 29/12/2024 23:11

Would it have been ok with you if the child was glued to an ipad so the grown ups could have their chat? Headphones on of course. Or would that also be a mark of bad parenting?

Katbum · 29/12/2024 23:10

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:08

Oh go on.....now you are just nit picking. It. Her she them they whatever. You clearly did not read what I said, normal noise is fine....and who mentioned giggling....I'm talking full on air raid siren. All I wanted was for them just to take it down a notch and not get a child overexcited in a very busy crowded place where people are trying to hear each other. You are simply reading into it what you want to.

I mean. Children can be loud. The way you describe it they were playing with the child to keep them entertained and prevent crying/acting up. You have a husband at home and you can't even get him to turn the telly down! Yet tou expect other people to accomodate your noise preferences in a public space? YABVVU

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:08

Katbum · 29/12/2024 23:02

'It'. How charming. Sounds like an excitable child giggling and being loud. If you don't like that don't go to places where children are.

Oh go on.....now you are just nit picking. It. Her she them they whatever. You clearly did not read what I said, normal noise is fine....and who mentioned giggling....I'm talking full on air raid siren. All I wanted was for them just to take it down a notch and not get a child overexcited in a very busy crowded place where people are trying to hear each other. You are simply reading into it what you want to.

OP posts:
Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:04

NewName24 · 29/12/2024 22:47

Those parents were incredibly inconsiderate. If they choose to be in a public place, then they need to have some level of consideration for people around them and not actively encourage a toddler to scream loudly. If they want to do that, stay at home.

How do you know that ?
The OP was obviously trying to garner sympathy.
We have no idea of the actual level of noise - the OP and her friend seem fairly intolerant, and we don't have access to the a description of events from either the parents, or from any other independent witnesses.

Seriously, I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't need it. Of you actually read my post without prejudice you would surely see that normal noise is fine. I might have my dog with me who might occasionally bark ( he doesn't but use your imagination) and then I tease him encouraging him to bsrk constantly.....do you get my meaning.

OP posts:
Katbum · 29/12/2024 23:02

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:01

Thank you for actually reading my nessage. It was not the normal noise, it was being encouraged to scream excitedly all the time.

'It'. How charming. Sounds like an excitable child giggling and being loud. If you don't like that don't go to places where children are.

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:01

Thank you for actually reading my nessage. It was not the normal noise, it was being encouraged to scream excitedly all the time.

OP posts:
Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 22:59

Ag shame. Triggered by a gif.....possibly avoid online discussions then.....see what I did there ?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 29/12/2024 22:47

Those parents were incredibly inconsiderate. If they choose to be in a public place, then they need to have some level of consideration for people around them and not actively encourage a toddler to scream loudly. If they want to do that, stay at home.

How do you know that ?
The OP was obviously trying to garner sympathy.
We have no idea of the actual level of noise - the OP and her friend seem fairly intolerant, and we don't have access to the a description of events from either the parents, or from any other independent witnesses.

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 20:39

FastFood · 29/12/2024 20:06

Honestly OP, I think YABU.
I'm generally happy with the "children are painful can they just shut up and why not just stop existing when I'm around" but I think a coffee-shop, as a community spot, is also a good place for them.

My local coffee-shop has a lot of kids, dogs (inc. mine), remote workers, breastfeeding mums, pensioners etc...and that's what I love about it. Surely sometimes a dog barks, a kid screeches, a woman has an irritating laugh, a guy has coughing fit, but that's just life.
For me, it's like the wind: annoying, sometimes VERY ANNOYING, but nothing you can do about it, and it actually has an important function.

A brief bark or laugh is hardly as disruptive as continuous screeching deliberately egged on by family members.

lightsandtunnels · 29/12/2024 20:25

You clearly have an issue with outsiders OP even though you say you are OK with them.

Could you not have taken your friend into your kitchen, even with an older man watching Wheeler Dealers? Two blokes chatting about cars would have been preferable to listening to the cacophony of chatter that you would expect to hear in a busy coffee shop? Telling people to not engage with their toddler is ridiculous. 🙄
I also agree with a PP about that gif - weird.

LoremIpsumCici · 29/12/2024 20:25

StormingNorman · 29/12/2024 20:21

A coffee shop is the perfect place for a chat. It’s not a soft play which is the perfect place for kids to screech to their little hearts’ content.

It’s not where I would go for an emotional heart to heart where you are comforting someone. As the homes are not available, I would meet in a high end restaurant that has quiet seating areas or at my synagogue where we have many cosy areas within larger rooms to sit and comfort each other.

Going to a popular cafe in the middle of a tourist village is going to be noisy and not very private.

Moonlightdust · 29/12/2024 20:24

I get what OP means though. I don’t think it was a normal level of joyful interaction with the toddler, which let’s face it would melt anyone’s hearts even if they were going through a difficult time.

I’ve noticed recently the number of excessively loud families walk past my house. I’m in a fairly quiet village and lived here for 20 years. I’ve always enjoyed hearing mums talking to their babies and children whilst pushing a buggy past the house etc. However lately, I’ve noticed a real change in the way parents/grandparents interact with children walking by - no longer normal level conversations but really loud, almost attention seeking dialogues with them. I’m probably sounding like a grumpy old age woman (!) but for instance one dad walking by was so loud that even with shut windows I could hear every word as he was practically shouting and commentating on everything to his kid who was responding in an equally loud voice!

Maybe it’s since Covid, society has forgotten how to civilly act in public! 😆

StormingNorman · 29/12/2024 20:21

LoremIpsumCici · 29/12/2024 20:16

A noisy cafe is the wrong venue to comfort a stressed friend. You should have gone to a quieter spot.

A coffee shop is the perfect place for a chat. It’s not a soft play which is the perfect place for kids to screech to their little hearts’ content.

StormingNorman · 29/12/2024 20:19

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 20:14

I’m sure the family will continue bringing their toddler out to public places, as they should.

Perhaps they could use to outings to teach the child how to behave in public.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 20:18

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 20:14

I’m sure the family will continue bringing their toddler out to public places, as they should.

Not sure tbh. If theyve never been called out before on their behaviour, op might have actually switched a light bulb on in their heads, and they might be anxious taking their toddler to the same cafe. Could try another one I guess...

LoremIpsumCici · 29/12/2024 20:16

A noisy cafe is the wrong venue to comfort a stressed friend. You should have gone to a quieter spot.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 20:15

namechangetheworld · 29/12/2024 19:37

That's odd, I think that the OP sounds like a miserable old ratbag trying to hide her sneering about 'city folks' and perfectly normal toddler behaviour behind badly written 'humour.'

Edited

Good bit of ageism there. Calm down...

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 20:14

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 20:13

Nope. Maybe the next time they decide to venture out, the parents of the toddler could maybe think their child is not at the stage yet of going on outings to cafes, and that they should stay home and not inflict their toddler on all the other customers. One toddlers pleasure doesnt trump the enjoyment of the rest of the customers I'm afraid.....

I’m sure the family will continue bringing their toddler out to public places, as they should.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2024 20:13

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 18:15

Well the family in question had a marvellous time by the sounds of it!

Hopefully the next time the OP wants a ‘comfort chat’ with her friend she will realise it’s a lot easier to reason with a grown man (her DH) than a toddler, and have the friend over instead.

Nope. Maybe the next time they decide to venture out, the parents of the toddler could maybe think their child is not at the stage yet of going on outings to cafes, and that they should stay home and not inflict their toddler on all the other customers. One toddlers pleasure doesnt trump the enjoyment of the rest of the customers I'm afraid.....

ouch321 · 29/12/2024 20:11

It is clear that many on here have had a poor upbringing themselves as they've not been taught the basics of courtesy and consideration towards others.

People often post on here these days about teenagers playing music or social media clips on loudspeaker on trains and buses. It is little surprise that this is a growing phenomenon as these teens are the offspring of the depressing number of parents on this thread who think the OP is out of order for having wanted to be able to hear what her friend was saying to her across the table.

Honestly Mumsnet just gets trashier and trashier.

FastFood · 29/12/2024 20:06

Honestly OP, I think YABU.
I'm generally happy with the "children are painful can they just shut up and why not just stop existing when I'm around" but I think a coffee-shop, as a community spot, is also a good place for them.

My local coffee-shop has a lot of kids, dogs (inc. mine), remote workers, breastfeeding mums, pensioners etc...and that's what I love about it. Surely sometimes a dog barks, a kid screeches, a woman has an irritating laugh, a guy has coughing fit, but that's just life.
For me, it's like the wind: annoying, sometimes VERY ANNOYING, but nothing you can do about it, and it actually has an important function.

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 19:56

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:48

They were a group, though. One could have taken the child out, to a car, home or whatever. Not ruined the moment for everyone else in the cafe.

If a toddler playing peekaboo with family is all it takes to ‘ruin the moment for everyone in the cafe’ then society really is doomed. However would anyone manage to leave the house in the morning when such minor things cause such emotional disruption and disarray!

KateDelRick · 29/12/2024 19:50

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:48

They were a group, though. One could have taken the child out, to a car, home or whatever. Not ruined the moment for everyone else in the cafe.

I agree. Some people are too fearful of being anything other than very gentle parents.