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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
OneAquaFatball · 30/12/2024 14:33

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 16:03

I definitely didn’t pick her apart, I had a laugh at her writing style! It’s cheesy and old-fashioned and made to position herself as being ‘above’ the boisterous city folk.

I’m sure a bit of ribbing won’t impact her too much! ☺️

ok, my apologies for over reacting in that case, I read it in a much more unkind tone than the one you intended :) my bad

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 14:17

Plastictrees · 30/12/2024 13:51

Apparantly all children should be banned from cafes/restaurants

I wish I could say I was surprised but I’m really not

NovemberMorn · 30/12/2024 14:05

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 30/12/2024 13:40

@NovemberMorn that's just OP's description, and given her clear tendency towards dramatised descriptions (as shown in the ridiculous gif she posted), I'd be willing to bet that is not an accurate description and it was more in fact just a normal parent toddler interaction (or certainly would be described as such by many others witnessing it).

Presumably you were not there, I know I wasn't. I am taking the OP's description of events as what was happening.
You are not, so no point in carrying on any discussion.

Plastictrees · 30/12/2024 13:51

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 13:45

So parents get judged when their child has a tablet because the parents aren’t interacting with their child. A parent interacts with their child but gets told that it’s too nosy. What exactly would people like us to do with children when we’re in cafes / restaurants then? I’d really love to know

Apparantly all children should be banned from cafes/restaurants

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2024 13:46

I kind of empathise but having been in a cafe with 4 kids yesterday and various other family members, I think you should expect a certain level of noise. I wouldn’t have wound up a youngster to the point of screaming, but we moved lots of tables/chairs so we could all sit together, it was probably very noisy, but it’s a cafe (ours was a very relaxed one), open to the public.

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 13:45

So parents get judged when their child has a tablet because the parents aren’t interacting with their child. A parent interacts with their child but gets told that it’s too nosy. What exactly would people like us to do with children when we’re in cafes / restaurants then? I’d really love to know

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 30/12/2024 13:40

@NovemberMorn that's just OP's description, and given her clear tendency towards dramatised descriptions (as shown in the ridiculous gif she posted), I'd be willing to bet that is not an accurate description and it was more in fact just a normal parent toddler interaction (or certainly would be described as such by many others witnessing it).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2024 13:22

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 29/12/2024 15:17

I do agree with you, public spaces need to accommodate all and screaming children shouldn't be encouraged to continue, but you can't use your house to see a friend because your husband is watching wheeler dealers on full volume?! That's madness

Edited

This is sort of what I wanted to say.

I agree toddler shouldn’t be encouraged or allowed to scream the place down.

But a public place is always got to be less within your control that your home, that’s just the nature of it.

Husband watching television seems such a silly reason not to be able to use your own home - surely he could be asked not to watch television for that period of time? Or go into another room?

If you just fancied the cafe fair enough, but you will then take the chance of not being in control of the environment.

NovemberMorn · 30/12/2024 13:17

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 30/12/2024 13:00

@NovemberMorn except they weren't running about were they? 🤔 And yes, interacting is exactly the correct description for chattering to your toddler and playing peekaboo so that they giggle. "Banshees" is a hyperbolic word added for dramatic effect, as per my point.

The interacting, according to the OP, turned a.. "chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak" is surely more fitting to a banshee than a giggling child.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 30/12/2024 13:00

@NovemberMorn except they weren't running about were they? 🤔 And yes, interacting is exactly the correct description for chattering to your toddler and playing peekaboo so that they giggle. "Banshees" is a hyperbolic word added for dramatic effect, as per my point.

NovemberMorn · 30/12/2024 12:55

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 17:06

"Banshees" 😂 isn't it amazing how hyperbolic language can change the meaning of an objectively quite neutral everyday event like a parent interacting with their toddler.

Interacting??
Obviously, people have different ideas on how to interact with their kids and grandkids in public places.
No one expects kids to behave like mini adults, but if they are being so disruptive they are encroaching on other people sat nearby (by screaming and running about, for example) it's time to leave and let them loose somewhere they can be free to be as loud as they like.

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 12:53

Sossijiz · 30/12/2024 11:17

It's Pedants' Corner, because it belongs to all the pedants, not just to one pedant.

Well spotted @Sossijiz! Missed that.

Sossijiz · 30/12/2024 11:17

AsTheLightFades · 30/12/2024 10:07

Trouble is, on pedant's corner, you are preaching to the converted.
Maybe a correction will save the person posting incorrect words some embarrasment IRL

It's Pedants' Corner, because it belongs to all the pedants, not just to one pedant.

AsTheLightFades · 30/12/2024 11:14

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 10:33

Well since you're a fan of pointing out people's mistakes @AsTheLightFades, perhaps I could take this opportunity to draw attention to your incorrect spelling of embarrassment. It could save you a red face - ya know - IRL.

Yes, I realised too late to amend!
Hoist by my own petard!

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 10:33

Well since you're a fan of pointing out people's mistakes @AsTheLightFades, perhaps I could take this opportunity to draw attention to your incorrect spelling of embarrassment. It could save you a red face - ya know - IRL.

Runningribbit · 30/12/2024 10:26

I voted YABU but I would like to avoid both the noisy kid and the OP.

UpMyself · 30/12/2024 10:22

@HoppityBun , look at your own posts before criticising others. Yours makes you look rude and barely literate.

AsTheLightFades · 30/12/2024 10:07

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 09:59

There’s a little area of Mumsnet known as Pedants’ Corner where you can quietly air your views on other people’s SPAG and thereby avoid outing yourself as a superior arsehole.

Trouble is, on pedant's corner, you are preaching to the converted.
Maybe a correction will save the person posting incorrect words some embarrasment IRL

AsTheLightFades · 30/12/2024 10:06

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

Context. Read the post. Friend may not usually react this way.
Did you get an empathy bypass for Christmas?

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 09:59

HoppityBun · 30/12/2024 07:20

What has a sink got to do with any of this? Out of sync people please! What on earth do you think you’re meaning? You know what a sink is? It’s what the taps flow into in your bathroom.

What you are trying to say is that people have not synchronised with others. That’s what being out of sync means.

There’s a little area of Mumsnet known as Pedants’ Corner where you can quietly air your views on other people’s SPAG and thereby avoid outing yourself as a superior arsehole.

brunettemic · 30/12/2024 09:55

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 23:13

Because she wanted a brew and a sit down, not a walk....that's why. Next time I think we will just start drinking earlier.

Why didn’t you take a flask of tea and sit in a car then? Or get the drinks as takeaways and sit in a park? If you/your friend didn’t like being in there it’s on you to solve that, not others.

Dontwearmysocks · 30/12/2024 09:47

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 15:08

Is this real? What’s with the ‘okayyyy I had cake as well’, the weird gif, and ‘yes I can do nice’. I’m surprised there was no ‘Dear Reader..’ 😅

Yes people are noisy in cafes, especially children. This has little to do with them being ‘from the big city’. Maybe just crack on instead of convoluting every interaction you have into cheesy diary entry style posts to put online.

100% this. I’m guessing OP is a friend from across the pond? It’s a demonstration of why I could never live there.

PrimalLass · 30/12/2024 09:17

I had a similar thing on a train. Paid for a first class upgrade as wanted peace to do some work. Family of - I assume - four grandparents or two and their friends plus one toddler did competitive/performative playing for an hour in the seats opposite me. The child was perfectly peaceful but the adults were a nightmare.

BaubleMania · 30/12/2024 09:08

I was actually 'triggered' by something once.

It sent me into a headspin that actually made me confront my rapes.

And then it wasn't so bad. I got to grips with it.

Triggers, might be ok.

BaubleMania · 30/12/2024 09:05

Datadriven · 30/12/2024 08:44

Triggering? Really? Or made you a bit uncomfortable or upset? (Very different from being triggered!)
Massive apologies if it actually was triggering for you, I hate the word being used to describe a feeling that is more akin to being upset, since being actually triggered - eg survivors of sexual violence or other trauma being triggered into the fight/flight response when exposed to a triggering stimulus is so completely different from something making one feel a bit uncomfortable, upset or unsettled.

Edited

I actually think being triggered is potentially good.

It forces a personal confrontation.

You can't avoid shit forever.