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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 31/12/2024 19:34

Your own homes are too noisy but you expect a public busy cafe to be a quiet space?

ElizabethTaylorsEyebrow · 31/12/2024 19:32

Only the most miserable twat in the world tells someone off for playing with their baby. Christ.

Is this really who you want to be?

AlexaSetATimer · 31/12/2024 19:23

It's Pedants' Corner, because it belongs to all the pedants, not just to one pedant.

@Sossijiz I love you. This is perfection.

NovemberMorn · 31/12/2024 18:21

Thefsm · 31/12/2024 18:15

I’d have sent old husband out on an errand so we could have a peaceful chat in my home. Your friend needed less stress and a cafe is rarely peaceful.

Maybe he can't get out, he is disabled.

Thefsm · 31/12/2024 18:15

I’d have sent old husband out on an errand so we could have a peaceful chat in my home. Your friend needed less stress and a cafe is rarely peaceful.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 31/12/2024 18:10

People who are posting angrily and rudely saying so what and get over it and stay at home yourself maybe recognise themselves in this family?

Or just have a higher level of tolerance for normal everyday occurrences such as a toddler playing excitedly with their parent in an already very busy cafe.

Plastictrees · 31/12/2024 17:34

I would rather recognise myself as being part of a happy family than whingeing about my poor decision deciding to go to a busy cafe at Christmas time with an emotionally distraught friend who needed privacy. Particularly when I had a suitable home my friend could visit, if only I could ask my DH to turn down the TV.

But each to their own 😊

DoubleMM · 31/12/2024 17:03

I would definitely ask a party creating a rumpus with their toddler by loud play in an enclosed public space to tone it down a bit and let everyone enjoy their tea and cake. People who are posting angrily and rudely saying so what and get over it and stay at home yourself maybe recognise themselves in this family?

Cheesyfootballs01 · 31/12/2024 16:27

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 19:06

How about you create a childfree cafe, I’m sure you and others would love that👍

I expect a child free cafe would be very popular!!

Supersares · 31/12/2024 16:16

If a child is noisy for a short while then I can live with that but if the parents are actively encouraging them to be loud with others in close proximity then it’s very selfish and you’re well within your rights to say something. Parents who over explain things to their kids with a loud voice can just get in the bin, annoying as hell!

Loopylu60 · 31/12/2024 16:06

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 13:45

So parents get judged when their child has a tablet because the parents aren’t interacting with their child. A parent interacts with their child but gets told that it’s too nosy. What exactly would people like us to do with children when we’re in cafes / restaurants then? I’d really love to know

We used to carry a couple of miniature books of well loved stories, some crayons and paper and play I-spy but using quiet voices.

there is never a need for anyone to be shouting or screaming in public ( no one enjoys an adult doing it so why accept it from a child? )

if the child is over stimulated before entering the cafe - sooth them first.
if it developes in the cafe then it’s time to go.

Loopylu60 · 31/12/2024 15:58

Totally agree with you. Children of all ages can and do learn to be quiet and calm indoors - but they need their adults to teach them. Quiet activities are available!

pinkyredrose · 31/12/2024 15:21

ABunchOfBadBitches · 30/12/2024 13:45

So parents get judged when their child has a tablet because the parents aren’t interacting with their child. A parent interacts with their child but gets told that it’s too nosy. What exactly would people like us to do with children when we’re in cafes / restaurants then? I’d really love to know

There's a middle ground between tantrums and tablets

BettyBardMacDonald · 31/12/2024 14:57

midgetastic · 31/12/2024 12:49

If the "poor family" had not made a stupid amount of noise in the first place then no one else would make stupid levels of noise back at them - if you give it you have to take it

Exactly.

Plastictrees · 31/12/2024 14:48

NewName24 · 31/12/2024 12:44

You mean, so that this poor family can go out for a walk, and a treat at the cafe, without being yelled at by the OP ?

Indeed!

Khayker · 31/12/2024 13:14

NewName24 · 31/12/2024 12:44

You mean, so that this poor family can go out for a walk, and a treat at the cafe, without being yelled at by the OP ?

Did I mention either side? Assume what you will.

NovemberMorn · 31/12/2024 13:13

Some people have an overblown sense of entitlement.
In this situation, I don't think it was the lady who objected to adults encouraging children to behave like banshees.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 31/12/2024 13:09

NewName24 · 31/12/2024 12:44

You mean, so that this poor family can go out for a walk, and a treat at the cafe, without being yelled at by the OP ?

Did you actually read the op and subsequent posts or did you just make this up as you went along? The op did not yell at anyone and the "poor family" were encouraging their toddler to screech loudly and persistently at an indoor cafe. As parents our job is to teach behaviour appropriate for the setting and this was neither considerate or appropriate

midgetastic · 31/12/2024 12:49

If the "poor family" had not made a stupid amount of noise in the first place then no one else would make stupid levels of noise back at them - if you give it you have to take it

NewName24 · 31/12/2024 12:44

Khayker · 30/12/2024 18:22

Most people look for a change of scene, some fresh air or just an escape from others at home for an hour or so after Christmas and that's perfectly fine. What isn't fine is unreasonable behaviour in public, lack of consideration for others using the same establishment and the mindset that what you want to do takes precedence over the wishes of others. All too prevalent these days and the entitlement is palpable in my experience. People need to have more thought for each other and how their actions impact others, especially at Christmas.

You mean, so that this poor family can go out for a walk, and a treat at the cafe, without being yelled at by the OP ?

Funnywonder · 31/12/2024 09:42

Perhaps those parents will find in time that the very act of being in a busy environment was the reason why their child was screaming. I only had to point my eldest son's pram in the direction of a shop or cafe and he would go ballistic. He's 16 now and has been awaiting ASD assessment for several years. Back then, it took a long time for the penny to drop that he was over stimulated by the noise and the hustle and bustle in shops. I thought he was just bored or tired.

Thriftnugget · 31/12/2024 09:41

@loropianalover what a horribly mean spirited post.
Must everyone share the same style?

Stuffedasasausage · 30/12/2024 23:55

If a child is making such a loud noise that others in the same room can’t hold down a conversation that’s too much. One child should not disrupt the enjoyment of every one else in the room. I am not saying that children can’t behave like kids but parents have to ensure that doesn’t impact others to such an extent. And I have a SEND child so I understand things don’t always to plan. I would remove her nicely. That’s the difference and this is where society is going wrong.

Sibilantseamstress · 30/12/2024 23:52

It sounds frustrating OP. Your table neighbours could have been more considerate. But cafes are often noisy, bustling places. Surely your husband could have turned down the telly a little so you could have a friend in need of emotional support over to your own home. He might be easier to reason with and compromise with than a toddler.

Zzzmumzzz · 30/12/2024 20:43

🤔