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AIBU?

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Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
Shatandfattered · 29/12/2024 15:58

Should maybe focus on the fact you have a husband at home who would be so rude as to have trash TV on volume 100 whilst you have a friend in need of support who could do with visiting for a shoulder. That way you sort out problems that are actually your business e.g. your household. If a stranger in a cafe gave me unsolicited advice which is clearly from a snooty pearl clutching local you'd hear more shrieking and it wouldn't be from the toddler. You have no idea if that toddler even may have autism themselves of ADHD so be quiet and sort your husband out.

Jennyathemall · 29/12/2024 15:58

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:55

@GCAcademic
Well it's just semantics really, isn't it. "Winding the child up so it's screaming" (presumably happily), versus "playing with a child enthusiastically to keep them entertained and happy". I'd call it the latter, OP would obviously subscribe to the former description. Either way, my view doesn't change that is not an antisocial behaviour.

Agreed. Given the context I imagine OPs description of events isn’t entirely impartial either.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 15:58

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:55

@GCAcademic
Well it's just semantics really, isn't it. "Winding the child up so it's screaming" (presumably happily), versus "playing with a child enthusiastically to keep them entertained and happy". I'd call it the latter, OP would obviously subscribe to the former description. Either way, my view doesn't change that is not an antisocial behaviour.

One of those things most definitely is antisocial behaviour.

poemsandwine · 29/12/2024 15:57

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 15:08

Is this real? What’s with the ‘okayyyy I had cake as well’, the weird gif, and ‘yes I can do nice’. I’m surprised there was no ‘Dear Reader..’ 😅

Yes people are noisy in cafes, especially children. This has little to do with them being ‘from the big city’. Maybe just crack on instead of convoluting every interaction you have into cheesy diary entry style posts to put online.

I stopped reading, it's so irritating! That gif is unnecessary.

OP, a café will often be noisy. You could have gone for a walk if it was too much.

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 15:57

Nextyearhopes · 29/12/2024 15:56

You were too polite.
I’d have said SHUT UP very loudly.

No you wouldn't.

JuniperJungl · 29/12/2024 15:57

Can't your husband control his own noise so your friend come have come to you then you wouldn't need to try and control strangers in public places behaving how they are entitled to. Why do you keep saying "which is fine" etc when referring to people doing completely ordinary things? How do you know they came from a big city?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/12/2024 15:57

OneAquaFatball · 29/12/2024 15:55

I say this agreeing with the sentiment of your comment entirely as it relates to the OP’s AIBU question… But yours is such an unnecessarily mean post. Why do you have to pick her apart like that?

Yes I thought this. It's just unnecessary and very mean girl

usernother · 29/12/2024 15:57

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:03

It's not their fault she had a noisy Christmas day and they're just as entitled as you to go to the cafe. Sounds like you're sneering at "outsiders". I also hate that gif it's really triggering.

Edited

Triggering Grin

Nextyearhopes · 29/12/2024 15:56

You were too polite.
I’d have said SHUT UP very loudly.

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 15:56

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:46

Oh and OP if anyone has ever told you that you should be an author and have a quirky writing style
they were lying

Hopefully OP doesn’t come to this noisy cafe to cozy up with a coffee (and cake of course!) to lose herself in the subplots of her own novel 🤣 dear reader…. She does!

AdoraBell · 29/12/2024 15:56

YANBU OP I always tried to keep my DDs calm and quite when they were toddlers.

OneAquaFatball · 29/12/2024 15:55

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 15:08

Is this real? What’s with the ‘okayyyy I had cake as well’, the weird gif, and ‘yes I can do nice’. I’m surprised there was no ‘Dear Reader..’ 😅

Yes people are noisy in cafes, especially children. This has little to do with them being ‘from the big city’. Maybe just crack on instead of convoluting every interaction you have into cheesy diary entry style posts to put online.

I say this agreeing with the sentiment of your comment entirely as it relates to the OP’s AIBU question… But yours is such an unnecessarily mean post. Why do you have to pick her apart like that?

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:55

@GCAcademic
Well it's just semantics really, isn't it. "Winding the child up so it's screaming" (presumably happily), versus "playing with a child enthusiastically to keep them entertained and happy". I'd call it the latter, OP would obviously subscribe to the former description. Either way, my view doesn't change that is not an antisocial behaviour.

JLou08 · 29/12/2024 15:55

Discombobble · 29/12/2024 15:53

She explained why she could not have this chat at home. Coffe shops are public places, not playgroups

She can't expect people in public to be quiet if she can't ask her husband to be quiet in her own home.

oneandonlygreg · 29/12/2024 15:55

They were playing with their baby. No doubt if they'd used a screen to keep the toddler quiet, you'd have posted some snarky comment about parents these days not interacting with their children. I think you were being unreasonable to expect a public space to be quiet. It's a cafe not a library. If your friend was almost reduced to tears by a baby, then maybe she shouldn't have come out into public.
People are so intolerant of babies and toddlers.

Sossijiz · 29/12/2024 15:55

The place for screaming toddlers is outside, unless they happen to be at home.

PheasantPluckers · 29/12/2024 15:54

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:03

It's not their fault she had a noisy Christmas day and they're just as entitled as you to go to the cafe. Sounds like you're sneering at "outsiders". I also hate that gif it's really triggering.

Edited

It's not the OP's fault you find that GIF triggering, either.

No-one expects silence, but encouraging screaming is a bit much.

JLou08 · 29/12/2024 15:54

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 29/12/2024 15:47

So do l - l would be embarrassed if l was with you op.

Given her friend has an autistic child, so has likely been that parent with the noisy child, I think her friend may well have been embarrassed or offended by the behaviour too.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 15:53

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:34

@GCAcademic
Sorry but parents interacting and playing with their toddler, engaging them in games, is not antisocial in my view. It's just a very normal parent-toddler interaction. If it caused me a high level of stress, I wouldn't choose to sit down and order coffee and cake in a place that was evidently "heaving" with families on my arrival.

There’s a difference between interacting and winding the child up so much that it’s screaming.

WalterdelaMare · 29/12/2024 15:53

100% with you, OP. I detest people like this. Mannerless, selfish idiots.

Discombobble · 29/12/2024 15:53

JLou08 · 29/12/2024 15:51

OP can chat with her friend at home.
Why should a child and their family be unable to enjoy themselves? There's so much complaining on here about children just being children from entitled older people who think the world around them should bend to meet their wants.

She explained why she could not have this chat at home. Coffe shops are public places, not playgroups

BaubleMania · 29/12/2024 15:53

Those who say they were 'playing with the baby', any half competent parent knows the difference between playing/interacting/entertaining, and ramping up excitement levels to fever-pitch.

And if fever pitch is reached for whatever reason, it's time for a little toddle outside, surely?

crackfoxy · 29/12/2024 15:52

I'm with you OP. Performance parenting drives me insane I love to see people out enjoying themselves but we all need to respect each other

Thighdentitycrisis · 29/12/2024 15:52

I think you are not being unreasonable except for your assumption that they come from a city. Not everyone who doesn’t live in your village lived in a city!

5128gap · 29/12/2024 15:52

No one should be encouraging their children to be loud in indoor public spaces. Basic courtesy that funnily enough, the vast majority of parents seem to be able to manage, otherwise no one would ever be able to hear themselves think when children are present. Always surprised at the number of people on these threads defending it, when out in the real world I think its very rare parents would do this. Most are considerate and have a repertoire of games to amuse their DC, including quieter ones when the situation requires.