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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
Patienceinshortsupply · 29/12/2024 16:07

Performance parenting and grandparenting is absolutely rage inducing OP and I would have been far less polite. There is nothing remotely enjoyable about having it forced onto you, especially when you just want 5 minutes peace and quiet to talk to someone.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 16:06

Well I think we can safely conclude that the OP has achieved their goal with their bitchplop and run approach

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 16:06

@GCAcademic
I think you missed my point - they are two differing descriptions for behaviour that objectively is the same. People who are less tolerant of interactions between parents and their young children are inclined to describe the same behaviour as "winding them up... shrieking", whereas those of us who are more tolerant of that would describe it as "a totally normal parent-toddler interaction". There aren't two different behaviours, so you missed my point there I'm afraid.

solopanda · 29/12/2024 16:05

PheasantPluckers · 29/12/2024 15:54

It's not the OP's fault you find that GIF triggering, either.

No-one expects silence, but encouraging screaming is a bit much.

Show quote history

I didn't say it was her fault but come on..look at it.

rosehipstalk · 29/12/2024 16:05

hattie43 · 29/12/2024 16:03

I don't think they've forgotten I just don't think they care . Noise pollution is becoming more and more of an issue everywhere .

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Yes this is true but surely you at least have some say in your own house? is her husband really so awful that he cant turn the tv down for an hour or two....

BaubleMania · 29/12/2024 16:04

SpryUmberZebra · 29/12/2024 16:01

The way OP wrote the story is strange and I don’t get the point of creating a post on mumsnet sprinkled with insults to city people and pointing out you’re older than most of us here etc.

@Bridget05 You’ve already told her to keep it down and everyone has moved on, why the need for another debate on mumsnet? If people tell you you’re BU will you seek her out to apologize?

Edited
Show quote history

I think you may have missed the point of MN.

GivingitToGod · 29/12/2024 16:04

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

This
OP, you seem completely out of sink with babies and toddlers. This isn't a criticism, more a statement of fact

Abitofalark · 29/12/2024 16:04

Who needs a garish moving image? It's as annoying as a noisy child in a restaurant.

hattie43 · 29/12/2024 16:03

Anonym00se · 29/12/2024 15:25

People have forgotten how to behave in public. I was raised to be quiet in public, to talk in quiet tones and to try not to draw attention to yourself. A lots of (dare I say) young parents don’t seem to have had the same expectations and feel it’s acceptable to inflict their raucous behaviour on innocent bystanders. It’s a cafe, not the bloody Wacky Warehouse. YANBU.

I don't think they've forgotten I just don't think they care . Noise pollution is becoming more and more of an issue everywhere .

YogaLite · 29/12/2024 16:03

Not exactly an answer to your question but since COVID I avoid people (and people with small children and people with dogs) when going out. Especially in busy coffee shops/pubs. At times it's proved too difficult to have a conversation because of the general noise/acoustic of the indoor places.

Most of my friends are similar so we often take our own drinks/snacks for a walk and find a beautiful outdoor space where we can enjoy it in peace and quiet and actually have a conversation.

BaubleMania · 29/12/2024 16:03

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 15:59

Amazing that people think that, even if the child was being made to scream by their parents, that’s not antisocial behaviour.

I'm completely in agreement. I strongly suspect the naysayers are the parents of the children that behave like little buggers whilst they look fondly yet passively at their 'antics'.

I've had many a pleasant lunch scuppered by this bunch (and I'm talking about the parents, not the children).

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 16:03

OneAquaFatball · 29/12/2024 15:55

I say this agreeing with the sentiment of your comment entirely as it relates to the OP’s AIBU question… But yours is such an unnecessarily mean post. Why do you have to pick her apart like that?

Show quote history

I definitely didn’t pick her apart, I had a laugh at her writing style! It’s cheesy and old-fashioned and made to position herself as being ‘above’ the boisterous city folk.

I’m sure a bit of ribbing won’t impact her too much! ☺️

BeAzureAnt · 29/12/2024 16:03

I don’t know, I don’t think a toddler should be shrieking at the top of their lungs in a cafe.

solopanda · 29/12/2024 16:02

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/12/2024 15:36

No-one's entitled to be in a cafe if their presence spoils the experience for other people.

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Op spoiled the experience for the baby

usernother · 29/12/2024 16:01

YANBU. It doesn't matter if it's Christmas or any time, if your mate wanted peace and quiet or not, letting your child screech and shout in a cafe, or any public place, so they disturb others is rude and ignorant. But it seems some parents see this as an infringement on the rights of them and their children to do exactly what they want.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 16:01

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 16:00

A child playing and being loud in a busy cafe is not antisocial behaviour for goodness sake.

Show quote history

I didn’t say it was. Go back and read the post I was responding to.

oneandonlygreg · 29/12/2024 16:01

Sossijiz · 29/12/2024 15:55

The place for screaming toddlers is outside, unless they happen to be at home.

There's a huge difference between screaming upset and squealing in delight at being played with by parents/grandparents. I'm in no way a "gentle parent", I would not let my child throw a fit in public, but I think laughing and having fun is perfectly acceptable.

The place for a guaranteed quiet conversation should have been at home.

SpryUmberZebra · 29/12/2024 16:01

baroqueandblue · 29/12/2024 15:14

I voted YABU because that grim scream-in-your-face GIF is intrusive. (And couldn't be more ironic, given your AIBU?)

The way OP wrote the story is strange and I don’t get the point of creating a post on mumsnet sprinkled with insults to city people and pointing out you’re older than most of us here etc.

@Bridget05 You’ve already told her to keep it down and everyone has moved on, why the need for another debate on mumsnet? If people tell you you’re BU will you seek her out to apologize?

solopanda · 29/12/2024 16:01

ObtuseMoose · 29/12/2024 15:25

Jeebus, that gif is awful.

Yeah it's really something

rosehipstalk · 29/12/2024 16:01

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 29/12/2024 15:13

If you are too fragile to be out in public then don’t go into public.

Instead of blaming strangers who dared to be in your cafe (I assume that you own it?) why not blame your shitting husband for not turning off his shit tv show or yourself for not thinking that you might come across people when in public.

This. You seem to expect more from a total stranger with a very young child than from your OWN husband.

Why? could he not turn the tv down for literally one single hour? bloody hell.

ObtuseMoose · 29/12/2024 16:00

You should have stood up and very loudly declared that this is a local shop for local people.

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 16:00

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 15:58

One of those things most definitely is antisocial behaviour.

Show quote history

A child playing and being loud in a busy cafe is not antisocial behaviour for goodness sake.

hattie43 · 29/12/2024 15:59

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

There's always one and today it's you

GCAcademic · 29/12/2024 15:59

Amazing that people think that, even if the child was being made to scream by their parents, that’s not antisocial behaviour.

GirlWithTheRedScarf · 29/12/2024 15:59

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

In my experience, coffee shops are always noisy, regardless of children.
I think it was perhaps not the best setting for the sensitive comfort chat. A coffee to go and a nice stroll to find a bench perhaps would have been better in my opinion.
With that said, some parents in public settings are arrogant and completely blind to the consideration of others. I typically avoid ‘child friendly’ environments where possible as it can stress me out (noise levels etc) so I do feel for your friend in that respect. Everything can be heightened in difficult times so it’s best to avoid places where naturally there will be lots of noise, people and children.