Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

Overstimulated* cannot edit my post

My youngest kid is still a teenager so I’m not exactly methuselah but the rule was always that if your kid was screaming/crying/shouting in a cafe or restaurant you took them straight OUT. You’d do your best to calm the kid & stop the behaviour with a stern word/cuddle/short walk then come back. If the behaviour carried on, you LEFT. The idea that everyone in the vicinity should put up with earsplitting screams feels like a very recent brand of parental entitlement.

I'm with the OP.

If you're in a café and your table is making so much noise that the next table can't hold a conversation, then your table is making too much noise and your table is a problem.

Made me cringe 😬

I'd far rather be around a family engaging with the children than a perfectly silent toddler that has been put in front of a tablet at the table. But if the latter makes someone's life easier that day, I don't judge. Children can be annoying, as can sanctimonious adults.

Screeching from anyone, adult or children really stresses me out too. I got overwhelmed by noise. I use loop earplugs which are amazing for my hypersensitivity from my ADHD. I would 100% anyone use them if you get overstiumlated by noise. They've saved me many a time in busy places. You don't have to be ND to wear them.

Easier to go to a packed, busy coffee shop that gets packed with walkers the first weekend after Christmas than asking your DH to turn the telly down or make himself scarce?? Your husband didn’t change his behaviour to suit you so why should another family? Toddlers are more difficult to control than grumpy old men in my experience.

In fairness the toddler was not crying or being naughty, just laughing and shrieking. I get that this would be annoying in a fancy restaurant but you keep saying the cafe was packed, so must have been noisy anyway.

The parents could have played with their child at home.

I think it's fine to say something, no need to be confrontational. I usually smile, have a little chat about what a lovely child they are, then ask if they wouldn't mind keeping it down a little as I have some hearing impairment and find it very difficult to hear what people are saying when the background noise is too loud.

Then we usually have a nice chat and all get back to our (quieter) lunch. People are generally quite receptive if you ask nicely.

Obviously if they're dicks, you go and dob them in to the staff...

Super selfish and annoying parents. Totally thoughtless.

It is unreasonable to expect that a busy cafe at this time of year would not have children/toddlers/babies present. The family were clearly engaging with the toddler, not just leaving them to scream and it is likely that the OP is exaggerating as that seems to be her writing style. The toddler could have been teething or had behavioural issues, or just being a toddler - some very unreasonable posts here. I can see why parents are anxious about taking young children out in public when they are faced with these sorts of overly precious judgemental attitudes.

If you want guaranteed quiet, meet up in the evening or go for a walk or to a library or better yet, stay home.

Agreed, some of them have been vicious. In a text-based forum, mocking someone's writing style because you disagree with their point is something like taking the piss out of someone's voice/gestures/outfit while having an IRL disagreement.

Save some of your assertiveness towards strangers for your husband, so you can have friends come to you home for a chat.

Rude.

I'm sorry but why do people have to take it to the extreme. The OP has said she asked them to keep it down. She didn't say they should all be silent and the child shouldn't even make a noise. Everyone here trying to take what she's said and take it to the extreme to 'have a go'. Yes it is horrible when you go to a cafe and children are making noise above what you'd expect. You wouldn't imagine them to be silent but you also don't expect them to be screaming. Why does the needs of everyone else wanting to actually have a chat in a cafe outweigh often just one family.

I had it recently and it was a family with two kids and one kid kept screaming, like ear piercing, and the other one was being exceptionally loud. It's the point where you can't carry out a conversation and hear each other. Why is them being allowed to be noisy more important than every other person in there who just wants to chat at normal volume.
It seems in MN if you dare to want to chat in a cafe you're unreasonable and hate children.

Appreciate this was a bit annoying OP but I think I’d have just got on with it. Raising this is quite OTT (it’s not like the child was kicking your table or shouting rudely at you or something that in my mind would require an intervention) and I think you would have made the family feel really bad.

To be fair that's totally different though as they would not be actively encouraging a meltdown unlike the toddlers care givers

YANBU

I get kids make a noise and often it is unavoidable. I remember what it’s like having small children and I try to be sympathetic. However things like deliberately encouraging them to screech and scream or ignoring their ear splitting shrieks is shite parenting and not on. I’d just have bitched about them later and not said anything to them though.

Gosh, sit outside with toddler? It’s hardly a Michelin restaurant. The family with the kid didn’t do anything wrong.

Imagine your friend taking her adult son to a cafe and he has a meltdown, so the people on the next table suggest she tries to keep him quiet so they can enjoy their coffee. Nobody leaves that interaction feeling good.

The more I think about it, the more I reckon this sounds like a hungover newspaper intern trying to come up with an easy story for Betwixtmas. Nobody say anything they don't want the readers of the Daily Mail/Mirror website having their attention drawn to.

@Plastictrees is correct - @GCAcademic did misunderstand my post!

It's out of sync, as in synchronisation.

This isn't a criticism, more a statement of fact.

Whether people disagree with the OP or not, the sheer nastiness of some of the replies here are astounding.
I wouldn’t blame her for not coming back.

Yes I think you misunderstood that post.