Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

Sounds like heaven!

I definitely think people need to be more aware of those around them. Interacting with a baby or toddler is great and completely normal. But I think relieving the child’s boredom by encouraging shrieks and squeals isn’t appropriate in an enclosed space. I lifted DS1 bodily out of coffee shops when he started to get loud and nothing was working. A quick blast of fresh air and change of scenery often did the trick, but not always. I now know he was probably overstimulated by the noisy environment and of course decided the best possible solution was to add to the noise😃 Thankfully his younger brother was too interested in staring at everyone and everything to remember to make any noise. But I don’t understand how people aren’t even a little bit embarrassed by the fact that they might be gettIng on other people’s nerves.

Could not agree more.
Anyone who has had an anticipated cosy meal out for two, ruined by a woman with the shrillest laugh that she emitted every 2 minutes, lasting at least one minute....realises that some people just don't have the intelligence to know when they or theirs are being insufferable to the rest of the population.

On that occasion we simply ate and left....her piercing laugh still ringing in our ears.

Yes, you will continue to project and make assumptions whilst twisting my words so let’s leave it here.

Oh OP, you're on a 'hiding to nothing' with some of this lot on here; they're baying for blood, and anyone's will do! it doesn't matter if it was a screaming child that we're all supposed to find charmingly endearing, a constantly yappy dog that is never checked, or people so overbearingly loud that we all just have to stop our conversations and listen to them - it's ENTITLED people, living their entitled lives, that are basically saying to the rest of us '"f** you, I'll do what I want, regardless!" The rest of us have manners, and know there's a time and a place. It's a modern disease, and I see no hope.

2/10

And I said the noisy child in question in my previous post was fine because the parents were not encouraging this behaviour. Unlike the caregivers in the op's situation. Hardly projecting. I used this as an example to distinguish the difference between parents trying to manage a child's behaviour and those who don't give a shit about others around them.

You are right. There is no point in continuing this conversation because you will argue until you are blue in the face that actively encouraging screeching over and above normal toddler noises is absolutely fine. 70 percent of voters don't agree with you so let's leave it at that.

That's a bit much.🙄

Your experiences of noisy children, which you have posted about on this thread!

The OP has not said her husband was incapable of moving into another room! Another ridiculous assumption. Of course having a friend over where you can control variables such as noise, is more sensible considering you cannot control the variables of public spaces - the OP already said it was a packed cafe at Christmas time! Naturally there may have been children or babies present, naturally they may have cried or been noisy. If this was going to cause such emotional upset then the sensible solution is to stay home, with guaranteed quiet and privacy.

There is no point in continuing this discussion.

What experiences am I projecting? I am simply putting myself in the op's shoes. I bet the op wasn't the only person in the cafe who found the excessive noise unbearable either

Can you really not see that sitting in the same room as someone's husband who cannot go into another room, may not be conducive to having the sort of chat the friend needed? It is a safe assumption though that a cafe, pub or other venue with seating and drinks would ordinarily be appropriate.

Seems that 30% of people here think encouraging children to scream and cause disruption in a cafe is perfectly OK.

Thankfully 70% understand how to handle young kids so they don't ruin other people's afternoon treat.

Why could she not? Why does her living in a two up two down with her disabled husband prevent her from having a friend over? Other than him refusing to turn down the TV.

You are projecting your own experiences all over this thread and making all kinds of assumptions.

And this is one of the reasons my local coffee shop has a “No under 16” policy.

So encouraging screeching is ok? Righto then.

I have every sympathy for parents who are trying to manage their children's behaviour and failing. I had exactly this on a recent flight directly behind me. Toddler was screaming the whole 4.5 hours and the parents literally tried everything they could to console their child.

However it is not ok to consistently provoke this level of noise. The toddler could have been engaged with in a much better way that did not cause a nuisance to those around them.

And the op has already said she lives in a two up two down with a disabled husband hence the reason she could not have her friend at her own house.

Again - good luck teaching an 18 month old about ‘indoor voices’!!!

The child was already being distracted and engaging with the family. Do you really think a packed cafe at Christmas time is an appropriate place for an emotionally distraught person who needs a ‘comfort chat’?! Why does this persons sensitivities trump the needs of others in the cafe? The OP should have invited her friend over to hers for her comfort and privacy, and simply asked her DH to turn down the TV. Life really isn’t this hard to navigate.

Parents don't parent these days ... its how it is, can't even teach them to use a toilet before starting school.

No it doesn't. But the op had the right to expect a normal level of noise ie people talking, children laughing, clattering plates etc. What is anti social, is ear splitting screeching which is being actively encouraged by the caregivers who don't give a shit about others around them

You teach them by distraction and encouraging them to use their indoor voice when they are toddlers and in a public indoor environment. You don't keep doing something that encourages them to screech loudly and if you do want to do that you do it somewhere more appropriate.

Exactly

Playing with a baby is fine but if it starts to and continues to disrupt the experience of the people around, you need to settle said baby. Babies and toddlers are adorable and most people can go with it when they see that the people with them are trying to settle them. However, those with them need to have some self awareness that it’s not all about them. I’ve taken my own and friends kids for fresh air or a jiggle to calm them down. I do not want to be “that person” who spoils some precious time out for other people in an environment set out for interaction. I have a serious medical condition at present, so my cafe times with friends are limited and precious.

Chatty and chirpy is lovely to be around. Screaming harpy wound up by those around them, just no.

And no, cafés should not all have play spaces. If you want a play space, go to somewhere that has one.

Op, it doesn’t sound like you told them off, just asked for some quieter interaction. I wonder if the other posters would feel the same about people on trains and airplanes playing on their devices loudly without headphones.

Those carping need to have a word with themselves and be more considerate.

The whole world doesn't revolve around someone wanting a 'comfort chat' either. Cafes are noisy, Get over it.

Same.

Good luck teaching a toddler social etiquette.

Yep, sums up my own thoughts quite well 😂

Oh behave. The whole world does not revolve around your 'baby' You teach your children etiquette in social situations and do not actively encourage ear splitting squealing in an indoor environment where people are trying to hold conversations. You are one of 'those' parents aren't you?