Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

I'm loving the very MN reaction to "abstemious" as though it's a part of everyone's everyday vocabulary.

I have never, ever heard any friends, family or colleagues use the word "abstemious". I say this as a former English teacher. I presume I've come across it once or twice in novels, but nothing that sticks in my memory. When I saw it in the first post, it was a quick "oh, as in abstain, that makes sense" - but "abstemious" absolutely is not part of everyday vocabulary for a large proportion of people.

That doesn't make those who do use it pretentious, nor does it make them better than those who don't. Vocabulary is shaped by many factors.

I was thinking this.abstemious is generally used with a heavy dose of self deprecation.

i think for such a long day it is better to be Abstemious
otherwise you end up snoozing on the sofa!

Abstemious really isn't an insult though! Or she may have been commenting specifically on herself, if she usually has a few vodkas and didn't drink much as she doesn't like wine, she might have meant "I was less pissed than usual" as a self deprecating comment - it might even be a positive.
Your day sounds a good balance of decadent and classy to me. Similar to what DP and I aim for and we're early 30s, though our food is less fancy and we have a mimosa or bellini while cooking. My family Christmases were always very dull and quiet but not necessarily abstemious.

It certainly sounds relatively sedate. But if she is using the word abstemious for it and likes to just drink vodka and cherry coke something tells me you won’t be ablebto do right for doing wrong. You were doomed from the outset.
I would have loved to have been a guest at yours!

I don't understand why so many posters are getting their knickers in a twist about the word abstemious.

It doesn't feature in my every day conversation (however, it will from now on ), but I knew perfectly well what it meant, and I think it was an appropriate description in @romanfriendsandcountrywomen first post.

Why do you have an issue with people who have a decent vocabulary? I can’t imagine personally on looking up a word I don’t understand being anything other than pleased I have a new word, even if I might not use it. You must know what abstain means?

Pick me!

I have never enjoyed parsnips and I wonder why so many people do.

I enjoy the taste of some alcoholic drinks, but never drink to get drunk. I drink because I enjoy it, and my "off switch" is quite low compared to many on here. I don't think the OP's day sounded abstemious at all. I think the level of drinking is similar to what we consumed.

Agree, if someone claims to „do a lot of reading“ then it’s an easy word to guess. Well it’s an easy word to know the meaning of if one does read. I’d not be quick to post that I didn’t know the word and be derogatory, I may post to say ooh a new word for me how interesting.

👌
You really are bothered by this aren't you?

Abstemious is a perfectly normal word - everyone’s heard of abstention, haven’t they? It’s the adjective for that; it’s not particularly obscure.

I still think the only person who was rude was OP’s brother for passing on a comment made privately.

I’ve never enjoyed alcohol apart from the odd cocktail now again and I just wonder why so many people do, is it the taste or the removal of inhibitions?
I just don’t like the thought of adding what is basically poison for the liver into my body.

Yes that's okay if you're now saying what you meant to say originally instead of making ridiculous over exaggerations to try and support your point.

"My close friends and family" is very different to "everyone I know".
The former is, what, ten, fifteen people max?

"the ten people I know well enough to know what they drink don't drink vodka but I don't know whether the other 6 billion people in the world over 30 do or not" (but if i took a second to actually think about it I would actually realise its more likely than not at least some of them do otherwise why would supermarkets and bars bother selling it?) isn't a very convincing argument.

If she's a) an english teacher and b) knows what "abstemious" means I think we can hazard a guess that she knows the meaning of the word boring....although whether she does or not is completely irrelevant as if you'd read the post properly you'd have seen that at no point did the girlfriend USE the word boring or anything similar to describe the day, that is just OPs own description/concern.

Very rude. Your day sounds great. We don't drink so she would have hated our day.

She didn't say it was boring though. She probably mainly meant less alcohol than usual and the alcohol does sound less than I'm used to with particular drinks at particular times but some people drink too much and if lots of people get drunk and fall asleep that can be boring but isn't abstemious. I think people are interpreting her comment in ways she didn't mean. Someone needs to tell her her boyfriend is a malicious gossip though and she should just say "it was lovely dear" when he asks about her day in future

Parsimonious is hardly the word for someone who has willingly provided food and drink that she has paid for and prepared, all day, to guests at her table!

It sounds like a lovely day to me. Honestly she has no idea what boring means. If it was because she couldn't get plastered then that's just sad.

If I started the day with bucks fizz there wouldn’t be any Xmas dinner 🤣 or someone else would have to do it 😆

I never realised so many people found abstemious an odd word

If you aren't teetotal why do you never serve alcohol?!

We’ve always got lots of wine ( DH loves to buy nice bottles) but honestly don’t often get through more than two bottles with a meal for 7 . We usually have a pre dinner drink though ( as did the OP)

How embarrassing.

Maybe absemtious ( I’d never heard that word before) was meant as a compliment !